Blue Fire and Ice by Alan Skinner

almost looked like part of the booth. She wore a suit of blue and yellow, with a blue and red peaked cap. On her feet were red slippers with curled toes, and a small red cape hung from her collar. Around her waist was a large drum, the drumsticks stuck into a band on the side. In one hand she had an ice cream and in the other she held a small golden trumpet. Japes was so busy licking her ice cream that she nearly walked into Grunge.
    ‘Oops, sorry, Grunge.’ The jester licked her ice cream. ‘Banana, blueberry and strawberry. My favourites.’
    ‘Hello, Japes,’ said Grunge. ‘Don’t forget you’re going to help me practise later.’
    ‘I haven’t forgotten, Grunge, though I’m afraid I won’t be much use. I only know one rhythm on the drum and only one tune on the trumpet.’
    ‘That’s a great start, Japes! I’ve always wanted to be able to play even one!
    ‘Oh, Grunge, I have a new joke! Let me tell it to you,’ exclaimed Japes with great enthusiasm.
    Grunge smiled and nodded. ‘OK, Japes. I’d love to hear it.’
    Japes took a deep breath. Just as she was about to begin, she noticed her ice cream. A yellow trickle was running down the cone and was approaching her bright red glove. Her tongue flicked out and averted the disaster just in time.
    ‘Right,’ she said. ‘Now, it goes like this. And don’t worry if it isn’t funny. I’ll tell you when to laugh.’
    Grunge nodded again.
    ‘OK. Now, a man and a dog and an octopus walk into Home’s coffee house. Well, it may not have been Home’s, but I think that adds a familiar touch to the joke. And besides, then I can have Whist in the joke and I like Whist and I thought that would please her. So, the man, the dog and the squid walked into -’
    ‘A squid or an octopus?’ asked Grunge politely.
    Japes frowned. ‘What did I say first time?’
    ‘Octopus.’
    ‘Right. Octopus. Octopus it is, then.’ She frowned again. ‘I wonder whether it makes a difference. I mean, neither one really walks, so the whole thing is rather silly, anyway. But, no point changing molluscs midstream, eh? I’ll stick to the octopus. So, the man, the horse – no, dog! – and the octopus walk into the coffee house and Whist says, “Hello, can I get you anything?” And the dog says, “This man can play any musical instrument” – coulda been you, Grunge – and the …’ She sighed. ‘No, I don’t think the dog says that. Maybe it was the man. Or maybe ...’ Japes stared blankly at the blue sky. ‘No, I can’t remember how it goes. Sorry, Grunge. I’m sure you would have laughed.’ She smiled ruefully at him. ‘I’d better practise that one some more, I think. See you, Grunge.’ And Japes walked through the Common eating her banana, blueberry and strawberry ice cream and trying to remember the joke.
    Grunge went on. He was quite curious about the new invention the Myrmidots had installed for the Muddles. A Songpost, they had called it, and it had been erected right in the centre of the Quad. It was hard not to notice it, particularly because there was a crowd of Muddles around the Songpost. And they were tied to it by leashes attached to their heads.
    Grunge was worried. The Myrmidots had always been on good terms with the Muddles and he couldn’t imagine why the Myrmidots would harm the Muddles. Something was wrong, he worried as he hurried to the Songpost. What’s happened to them?
    The Muddles stood as if under a spell or hypnotised. Most were just staring at the ground with a faraway look on their faces and nodding their head constantly. A few others gazed around absently, tapping their feet, their bodies shaking. Grunge ran to the nearest Muddle. The leash had been attached to the Muddle’s ears, so Grunge yanked on the end stuck in the pole. It pulled free easily.
    The young Muddle stopped nodding his head. He reached up and removed the ends of the leash from his ears. ‘Hey, Grunge! What’s the matter?’ said Coll. He sounded just a little