she cackled.
“Move along,” Cheryl said, eyeing us.
“You just come and find me when you’re ready to make a deal,” Tama said, raising her eyebrows suggestively as she walked away.
My hands shook as I took the next inmate’s order, having to ask her to repeat her number after I entered it incorrectly. It wasn’t fear, though. It was desire. I wanted that hooch bad enough to seriously consider pimping myself out for it. Wasn’t that what I’d always done, after all? As soon as I figured out that I could use my body as a means to an end, that’s what I’d done.
If Tama could actually get me hooch, maybe I’d consider it. That’s how thirsty I was.
“Good job today,” Cheryl told me as she locked up the commissary and we walked to the guard’s station to turn in the keys. “What the deal with you and Tama?”
“Nothing,” I said. “I don’t know why she’s so interested in me. I’m not really into women.”
“It’s hard to be in here for so long without physical contact,” Cheryl mused. “Most women who sleep with each other here aren’t into other women. They just need some sort of affection, some connection with another human being.”
I wondered if I’d ever reach that point—giving it up to another woman for free. There’d have to be something in it for me. Sex was always like that for me. There had to be a tradeoff. Otherwise, why waste my time?
I went to the cafeteria and sat with Willow’s friends out of habit. They seemed to tolerate my presence, even if they didn’t talk to me. I didn’t mind. I liked enjoying Marlee’s food without having to talk to anyone else.
Tama plopped down next to me.
“Find somewhere else to sit, sugar,” I said. “That seat’s taken.”
“Nobody’s sitting here,” she scoffed. “I have as much right as anyone else to it.”
“My cellmate’s going to sit there as soon as she fills her tray,” I said, hoping it was true. Marlee usually ate in the kitchen, but she sometimes floated around the cafeteria, getting feedback from inmates about the meal. She’d sat by me a couple of time “to cool her heels.” She was on her feet a lot all day, preparing the food.
“Well, I’m sitting here now,” Tama said. “Let’s talk more about arrangements. I know you’re interested. I saw your face at the commissary.”
“That face was about the hooch,” I said loftily, “not your cooch, bitch. Get out of here.”
Several of Willow’s friends overheard me and hooting, laughing and slapping the tables.
“Tell her, girl,” one of them crowed.
Tama’s face darkened. She was a swarthy woman—big, like me. I started to get worried. Tama also looked a little younger. If it came down to something physical, would I be able to take her? I wasn’t so sure.
“You be nice to me, and I’ll be nice to you,” she said. “You don’t have to be alone here. You can have friends, you know.”
“I’m just not interested,” I said, focusing on my tray. Maybe if I ignored her diligently enough, Tama would leave me alone.
The hand that squeezed my breast was impossible to ignore. I hissed and recoiled standing up from the table and grabbing my tray.
“We’re done here,” I said. “Do you hear me? Don’t approach me again.”
“You’ll be singing a different tune once you know what I have to offer,” Tama said, looking me up and down. I hated the way her eyes roved my body. It made me feel dirty. “I can make you feel so, so good.”
“No thanks,” I said. “The next time you touch me, you’ll be singing a different tune. You’ll be spitting out your own teeth for weeks.”
I stalked to the garbage can and dumped my tray.
“Hey! What was wrong with lunch?”
Marlee was there when I turned around. I realized that I’d barely touched my food, but I wasn’t hungry. Not after Tama’s advances.
“It was all delicious,” I assured my cellmate. “I’ve just got to get going to the GED class.”
“I know it was
“Move along,” Cheryl said, eyeing us.
“You just come and find me when you’re ready to make a deal,” Tama said, raising her eyebrows suggestively as she walked away.
My hands shook as I took the next inmate’s order, having to ask her to repeat her number after I entered it incorrectly. It wasn’t fear, though. It was desire. I wanted that hooch bad enough to seriously consider pimping myself out for it. Wasn’t that what I’d always done, after all? As soon as I figured out that I could use my body as a means to an end, that’s what I’d done.
If Tama could actually get me hooch, maybe I’d consider it. That’s how thirsty I was.
“Good job today,” Cheryl told me as she locked up the commissary and we walked to the guard’s station to turn in the keys. “What the deal with you and Tama?”
“Nothing,” I said. “I don’t know why she’s so interested in me. I’m not really into women.”
“It’s hard to be in here for so long without physical contact,” Cheryl mused. “Most women who sleep with each other here aren’t into other women. They just need some sort of affection, some connection with another human being.”
I wondered if I’d ever reach that point—giving it up to another woman for free. There’d have to be something in it for me. Sex was always like that for me. There had to be a tradeoff. Otherwise, why waste my time?
I went to the cafeteria and sat with Willow’s friends out of habit. They seemed to tolerate my presence, even if they didn’t talk to me. I didn’t mind. I liked enjoying Marlee’s food without having to talk to anyone else.
Tama plopped down next to me.
“Find somewhere else to sit, sugar,” I said. “That seat’s taken.”
“Nobody’s sitting here,” she scoffed. “I have as much right as anyone else to it.”
“My cellmate’s going to sit there as soon as she fills her tray,” I said, hoping it was true. Marlee usually ate in the kitchen, but she sometimes floated around the cafeteria, getting feedback from inmates about the meal. She’d sat by me a couple of time “to cool her heels.” She was on her feet a lot all day, preparing the food.
“Well, I’m sitting here now,” Tama said. “Let’s talk more about arrangements. I know you’re interested. I saw your face at the commissary.”
“That face was about the hooch,” I said loftily, “not your cooch, bitch. Get out of here.”
Several of Willow’s friends overheard me and hooting, laughing and slapping the tables.
“Tell her, girl,” one of them crowed.
Tama’s face darkened. She was a swarthy woman—big, like me. I started to get worried. Tama also looked a little younger. If it came down to something physical, would I be able to take her? I wasn’t so sure.
“You be nice to me, and I’ll be nice to you,” she said. “You don’t have to be alone here. You can have friends, you know.”
“I’m just not interested,” I said, focusing on my tray. Maybe if I ignored her diligently enough, Tama would leave me alone.
The hand that squeezed my breast was impossible to ignore. I hissed and recoiled standing up from the table and grabbing my tray.
“We’re done here,” I said. “Do you hear me? Don’t approach me again.”
“You’ll be singing a different tune once you know what I have to offer,” Tama said, looking me up and down. I hated the way her eyes roved my body. It made me feel dirty. “I can make you feel so, so good.”
“No thanks,” I said. “The next time you touch me, you’ll be singing a different tune. You’ll be spitting out your own teeth for weeks.”
I stalked to the garbage can and dumped my tray.
“Hey! What was wrong with lunch?”
Marlee was there when I turned around. I realized that I’d barely touched my food, but I wasn’t hungry. Not after Tama’s advances.
“It was all delicious,” I assured my cellmate. “I’ve just got to get going to the GED class.”
“I know it was
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