don’t mean those kinds of secrets, Joseph. Maybe dreams would be a better word. I’ve known you for more than forty years, you’re my only son, and I’ve never known what you dream about.”
“I used to dream about me and Ally getting a place out of town one day. We talked about having a kid, maybe.”
“And then what happened?” She asked me like she already knew the answer, like a grade school teacher might. I studied her face. She knew about my problem, I could tell by how she was looking at me. Ally had spilled it. Ally was
the only person in the entire world I had told, except Rick Davis, and I couldn’t see Rick talking about my low sperm count to my mother, ever.
“Ally told you about that? I can’t believe it. That is my own personal medical information. Why would she have done that?”
“I’m her mother-in-law, Joseph. Her family. I always will be, divorce or not. Her own mother passed when she was so young. We were talking about my grandbaby. Who else would she come to? At first she thought it was her who couldn’t….” Her voice trailed off. “Women talk about these kinds of things. She told me how much you wanted a baby.”
I sat there for a minute, collecting the breadcrumbs on my plate with my finger. I felt like crying right then and there, at my mother’s kitchen table. I remembered those few weeks after the specialist had told me the news, after the million little humiliations inside the tiny room next to his office, the wrinkled girly magazines, the little see-through plastic cup that had Cooper, J. Jr. written on its masking tape label. It was me. Ally had eggs and ovaries, all in working order. I was it. The last Cooper in the line. My sister Sarah and the Broussards would be the end of us.
I watched as a kind of sly grin crept into my mom’s face. “No wonder you never got that sleazy Sandra Jennings knocked up in high school. We worried about that, you know.”
I laughed. That part was kind of funny.
“I have to admit, Mom, I thought about Sandra, too. All this time I thought I’d just been real lucky real early.”
“I never liked her. Neither did your father. She’s a
Horseman now. Three little girls, she married that Aaron kid, didn’t she? The middle one, with the noisy motorcycle. You should count yourself lucky. She’s not as kind on the eyes as she was when you two were little. Hasn’t taken care of herself, and it starts to show. Ages a woman earlier than it does men.”
I got up and put my plate in the sink. She was starting to get on a roll, and I had stuff to do. I was hitting the road first thing.
“Can I leave Buck Buck with you? Franco has a new girlfriend and can’t take him. I’ll be back in a couple of days.”
“Take as long as you like. He’ll be fine. I like the company.”
“I thought you had plenty of company lately.” I kissed her on the top of her head and half-hugged her. She stood up and turned to lay a full body hug on me. She smelled like lavender, and her bones seemed light in my arms. Mom felt smaller now, and greyer.
“Drive safely, Joseph. Say hello to Ally for me. And Kathy.”
“Her name is Kathleen, Mom.”
“Kathleen. Well, her, too. Give her my regards.”
“I will.”
“I like your haircut. You are handsome as ever.”
“I’m going now, Mother.”
“So go. Take a loaf of bread with you. Make some sandwiches. Mind you, listen to the weather report. It smells like it could snow.”
I let myself out the front door, before she got going again with the questions. I tried to sneak out without waking
Buck Buck up, but I heard his nails on the hardwood floor as I escaped down the stairs. He sat in the window as I drove away, barking sharply. Then my mom in the window too, shooing him with the tea towel to get down off the couch.
I t was still dark when I got up, and there were fingers of frost on my bedroom window, first time that year. I put on my good grey pants and a white shirt, and my leather coat my good
“I used to dream about me and Ally getting a place out of town one day. We talked about having a kid, maybe.”
“And then what happened?” She asked me like she already knew the answer, like a grade school teacher might. I studied her face. She knew about my problem, I could tell by how she was looking at me. Ally had spilled it. Ally was
the only person in the entire world I had told, except Rick Davis, and I couldn’t see Rick talking about my low sperm count to my mother, ever.
“Ally told you about that? I can’t believe it. That is my own personal medical information. Why would she have done that?”
“I’m her mother-in-law, Joseph. Her family. I always will be, divorce or not. Her own mother passed when she was so young. We were talking about my grandbaby. Who else would she come to? At first she thought it was her who couldn’t….” Her voice trailed off. “Women talk about these kinds of things. She told me how much you wanted a baby.”
I sat there for a minute, collecting the breadcrumbs on my plate with my finger. I felt like crying right then and there, at my mother’s kitchen table. I remembered those few weeks after the specialist had told me the news, after the million little humiliations inside the tiny room next to his office, the wrinkled girly magazines, the little see-through plastic cup that had Cooper, J. Jr. written on its masking tape label. It was me. Ally had eggs and ovaries, all in working order. I was it. The last Cooper in the line. My sister Sarah and the Broussards would be the end of us.
I watched as a kind of sly grin crept into my mom’s face. “No wonder you never got that sleazy Sandra Jennings knocked up in high school. We worried about that, you know.”
I laughed. That part was kind of funny.
“I have to admit, Mom, I thought about Sandra, too. All this time I thought I’d just been real lucky real early.”
“I never liked her. Neither did your father. She’s a
Horseman now. Three little girls, she married that Aaron kid, didn’t she? The middle one, with the noisy motorcycle. You should count yourself lucky. She’s not as kind on the eyes as she was when you two were little. Hasn’t taken care of herself, and it starts to show. Ages a woman earlier than it does men.”
I got up and put my plate in the sink. She was starting to get on a roll, and I had stuff to do. I was hitting the road first thing.
“Can I leave Buck Buck with you? Franco has a new girlfriend and can’t take him. I’ll be back in a couple of days.”
“Take as long as you like. He’ll be fine. I like the company.”
“I thought you had plenty of company lately.” I kissed her on the top of her head and half-hugged her. She stood up and turned to lay a full body hug on me. She smelled like lavender, and her bones seemed light in my arms. Mom felt smaller now, and greyer.
“Drive safely, Joseph. Say hello to Ally for me. And Kathy.”
“Her name is Kathleen, Mom.”
“Kathleen. Well, her, too. Give her my regards.”
“I will.”
“I like your haircut. You are handsome as ever.”
“I’m going now, Mother.”
“So go. Take a loaf of bread with you. Make some sandwiches. Mind you, listen to the weather report. It smells like it could snow.”
I let myself out the front door, before she got going again with the questions. I tried to sneak out without waking
Buck Buck up, but I heard his nails on the hardwood floor as I escaped down the stairs. He sat in the window as I drove away, barking sharply. Then my mom in the window too, shooing him with the tea towel to get down off the couch.
I t was still dark when I got up, and there were fingers of frost on my bedroom window, first time that year. I put on my good grey pants and a white shirt, and my leather coat my good
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