ready to wake up!” I shout, still laughing at the sky. “I’m ready to wake up!” I choke on the rain and the sudden realization that I don’t get to. My laughter is now sobbing as I melt to the ground, butt on the curb and feet submerged in a puddle. At least no one is around to see me cry.
VII
REGARDLESS OF the type of day you’re having, life just keeps on walking, snapping its gum and giving attitude. It gives you no choice but to pick yourself up off the curb, dry off, and run to meet its pace.
I arrive home and play the message welcoming me to the cast of Butchart Gardens, but feel no joy or relief, only a wry sense of irony and deepened confusion. Antonio gave me what I wanted; what I had prayed for so diligently, for Chris, Michelle, and me to be accepted together. Did He miss the part about us being friends or being in love? I obviously need to be more specific.
The three of us sign the contracts the following day and mail them in one envelope, thereby sealing ourselves together for at least four months. Enough. Enough. Forget about that. Forget about him .
Despite my resolve to stay holed up in my room and remain miserable, after almost a week spent focused on finishing my grad requirements, I decide to join the world of the living again and do what every other college kid is doing—partying.
I take a deep breath and head out to a house party, excited at the possibility of seeing Chris as much as I try to convince myself that I’m officially over him. The only problem is there’s no one else of interest to me, nowhere for me to divert my affections. So what’s a guy to do?
Vodka cranberry. Over and over. Ten o’clock and there’s still no sign of Chris. Jeremy is here, though, running around with his video camera and generally causing a ruckus. Stepping into one of the bedrooms strewn with couples making out, he sticks the camera in my face.
“Ashley! How’s it going? Are you up for that wrestling match you’re always threatening me with?” Jeremy laughs.
“You wouldn’t stand a chance! I’d nail you down so fast your head would spin,” I drunkenly threaten, brandishing a wicked smile.
“I’d like to see you try that, but let’s up the stakes. We wrestle naked,” Jeremy dares. The few people standing or lying around the room laugh, now intrigued.
“I don’t know how well Chris would like that. Where is your boy tonight anyway?” I ask.
“At home, he wanted to be alone. Told me to go party but I’m going over there later.”
“All right, big shot, put your camera down and let’s have at it. Clothes on though, I don’t wrestle naked guys,” I say, as much to the rest of the room as to Jeremy.
“Not what I heard. Can you all excuse us? Ashley and I need to have a little chat. Don’t worry, you’ll all get tickets to the main event.”
There is a little grumbling but everyone exits the room, leaving Jeremy and I alone. He closes the door and turns the lock. He looks back with a coy smile, then suddenly bull rushes and tackles me around the waist before I know what’s going on. We crash down on the hardwood. My tailbone is driven into the floor as his weight lands squarely on top. My face contorts into a grimace, and I moan in pain. Jeremy grabs my arms and pins them above my head. He straddles my left thigh, squeezing it with his own, and smiles viciously.
“I know what you’re up to,” he sneers. “You don’t have anyone fooled, especially me.” Relying on one arm to keep mine pinned, he claws my balls, lifting them forcefully. “I know you like cock, Ashley,” Jeremy purrs as he returns his hand to restraining me and drives his own hard member into my thigh. Moving his mouth to mine, he brushes my lips as he says, “Come on, Chris won’t mind. He’ll never have to know.”
“Yeah, well I will,” I spit and writhe to free myself. “Jeremy, fuck off. I’m not into it.”
“Suit yourself, sailor,” he quips, freeing me. “Could’ve been
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