nothing could fetch it back.
A night wind blew in the room. The white curtain fluttered against a dark cane, which had leaned against the wall near the other bric-a-brac for many years. The cane trembled and fell out into a patch of moonlight, with a soft thud. Its gold ferrule glittered. It was her husbandâs opera cane. It seemed as if he were pointing it at her, as he often had, using his soft, sad, reasonable voice when they, upon rare occasions, disagreed.
âThose children are right,â he would have said. âThey stole nothing from you, my dear. These things donât belong to you here , you now . They belonged to her, that other you, so long ago.â
Oh, thought Mrs. Bentley. And then, as though an ancient phonograph record had been set hissing under a steel needle, she remembered a conversation she had once had with Mr. BentleyâMr. Bentley, so prim, a pink carnation in his whisk-broomed lapel, saying, âMy dear, you never will understand time, will you? Youâre always trying to be the things you were, instead of the person you are tonight. Why do you save those ticket stubs and theater programs? Theyâll only hurt you later. Throw them away, my dear.â
But Mrs. Bentley had stubbornly kept them.
âIt wonât work,â Mr. Bentley continued, sipping his tea. âNo matter how hard you try to be what you once were you can only be what you are here and now. Time hypnotizes. When youâre nine, you think youâve always been nine years old and will always be. When youâre thirty, it seems youâve always been balanced there on that bright rim of middle life. And then when you turn seventy, you are always and forever seventy. Youâre in the present, youâre trapped in a young now or an old now, but there is no other now to be seen.â
It had been one of the few, but gentle, disputes of their quiet marriage. He had never approved of her bric-a-brackery. âBe what you are, bury what you are not,â he had said. âTicket stubs are trickery. Saving things is a magic trick, with mirrors.â
If he were alive tonight, what would he say?
âYouâre saving cocoons.â Thatâs what heâd say. âCorsets, in a way, you can never fit again. So why save them? You canât really prove you were ever young. Pictures? No, they lie. Youâre not the picture.â
âAffidavits?â
âNo, my dear, youâre not the dates, or the ink, or the paper. Youâre not these trunks of junk and dust. Youâre only you, here, nowâthe present you.â
Mrs. Bentley nodded at the memory, breathing easier.
âYes, I see. I see.â
The gold-ferruled cane lay silently on the moonlit rug.
âIn the morning,â she said to it, âI will do something final about this, and settle down to being only me, and nobody else from any other year. Yes, thatâs what Iâll do.â
She slept. . . .
The morning was bright and green, and there at her door, bumping softly on the screen, were the two girls. âGot any more to give us, Mrs. Bentley? More of the little girlâs things?â
She led them down the hall to the library.
âTake this.â She gave Jane the dress in which she had played the mandarinâs daughter at fifteen. âAnd this, and this.â A kaleidoscope, a magnifying glass. âPick anything you want,â said Mrs. Bentley. âBooks, skates, dolls, everythingâtheyâre yours.â
âOurs?â
âOnly yours. And will you help me with a little work in the next hour? Iâm building a big fire in my back yard. Iâm emptying the trunks, throwing out this trash for the trashman. It doesnât belong to me. Nothing ever belongs to anybody.â
âWeâll help,â they said.
Mrs. Bentley led the procession to the back yard, arms full, a box of matches in her hand.
So the rest of the summer you could see the two
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