Breaking Up Is Really, Really Hard to Do by Natalie Standiford

to the show wouldn't mean anything.
    She shouldn't have to think about this at all. She should be free! And that's when she realized that she wasn't facing the truth. Rob wasn't “it.” He couldn't be. If he were, would she be having this conversation with herself? No, she'd reject Mo immediately. If Rob were “it,” she'd know by now.
    That left her with a big problem. She had to dump Rob. But how? She really liked him. She didn't want to hurt him. And she didn't want him to hate her. She wanted to stay friends with him
and
date other guys.
    This was a job for the Love Ninja. Too bad she had no answer for her own problem.
    I'll take it to the blog,
she thought. A Dating Game poll. A few good solutions usually turned up among the garbage and jokes. But she had to disguise it so Rob wouldn't figure out what was going on. So she composed a fake letter to the Love Ninja.
    Dear Love Ninja,
    My girlfriend is very sweet but too clingy, and I've got a crush on another girl. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I need my freedom. Is there any way to dump her without hurting her?
    —Jailbird
    Dear Jailbird,
    Your problem is a common one, but hard to solve. I'm going to take it to the readers and see if they have any advice for you. Good luck!
    —Love Ninja
    Dear Readers: The Love Ninja needs your help! What's the best way to dump someone—without hurting his or her feelings?
    jen88: There's no way to do it without hurting her. Just get it over with fast.
    koala: Jailbird, is your real name Jonathan? Are you trying to dump me????
    sami666: Lies, lies, and more lies. Tell her you're dying, you're moving to Siberia, you're becoming a monk. Anything to get her off your back. By the time she figures out that you lied, it will be too late.
    poydog: write her a letter. If you dump her in person and she starts crying, you might weaken and change your mind.
    spoony: tell her you love her so much it hurts—literally. You're on painkillers all the time, and the doctors say if you don't stop seeing her you'll be a vegetable by the time you're 18.
    dollface: Before dropping bad news on anyone, it's a good idea to feed them. Make a nice meal for her, then gently tell her you need space. She'll be hurt, but her full stomach will help blunt the pain.
    All right, one sensible answer out of six, not bad. Holly decided to take dollface's advice. She and Rob would go on a picnic together—with all of Rob's favorite foods. Holly felt a pang when she thought of the way he'd forced down that Sham Ham sandwich, just for her. Maybe she shouldn't be so quick to dump him. But no, it was the only humane thing to do. It would hurt him much more if she cheated on him.
    This wasn't going to be easy.
    “Where should we put the blanket?” Rob asked. He pointed at a patch of grass and said, “How about over there? Unless you want to put it somewhere else.” It was late afternoon, and she and Rob had driven to La Paz State Park for the big breakup picnic.
    “No, that spot is fine,” Holly said.
    “As long as it's okay with you,” Rob said. “I mean, it's your picnic. Maybe you were thinking of a sunnier spot.”
    “This spot is plenty sunny.” Holly tried to keep a lid on her annoyance. Did everything have to be a U.N. debate?
    She unfolded the picnic blanket and opened the basket. “Ham sandwich?” she offered. “It's real this time. I promise.”
    “Thanks.” Rob bit into the sandwich and nodded. “Mmm,” he said through a mouthful, “blows that Sham stuff away.”
    “Glad you like it.” She'd made the sandwiches herself, with lettuce, tomato, mustard, and fresh country bread from the best bakery in town. She'd also packed pasta salad, shrimp salad, fruit salad, iced tea, and homemade brownies for dessert.
    “Wow, Holly, this is so nice of you,” Rob said, settling back on the blanket. “What's the occasion?”
    “No occasion,” Holly said. “Do I need a reason to do something nice for my boyfriend?”
    Rob appeared to think this