Brisé by Leigh Ann Lunsford, Chelsea Kuhel Page B

and stay close in case she needs me. Each night she sleeps for a few hours with my arms around her on the couch like the first night. I’m waiting for her to come apart at the service, but she sits stoically next to me, sheds a few tears, but has a resolve of steel. She accepts the condolences of well-wishers and greets her parents’ friends with a stiff smile and hand shake. She catches me watching her several times and reassures me she is fine, but I don’t think she is. I think she is ignoring the grief. She isn’t dancing it out, so I know she is keeping it in.
    Tonight, after all of the casseroles have been stored away, instead of sitting on the couch for me to hold her she asks, “Can we go up to my room? I want to stretch out, but I don’t want to be alone.” I nod at her and follow her upstairs.
    She waits for me to climb on the bed and follows me down, climbs halfway on top of me and cuddles. It feels good to hold her, it feels like home. “Luke, I’m lost.” Her voice is so far away, and she is floundering. She doesn’t know which way is up right now, and I have to help her.
    “About what?”
    “My passion was never to dance on stage, you know that. Two weeks ago my mom took me to an audition I promised her I would go to. They’ve offered me a position with their ballet company. It’s Joffrey Ballet, out of Chicago. I feel like I owe it to my mom to try this. I don’t want to disappoint her.”
    “Twinkle, you were beautiful up there.” She opens her mouth to interrupt me. “I was there. No matter what I’ve always been there, whether you knew it or not. I don’t think you could ever disappoint your mom, but you need to do what you want to do. Follow your heart, and I’ll follow it, too.”
    I can tell she is on overload and wants to ask questions. I softly kiss her lips and pull her to me. “Go to sleep, we have our entire lives to figure it out. But just know my plan was always you. This may speed things up, but it didn’t change them. You are my life, Phoebe Wells, and I go where you go, so don’t let me factor in your decision. We’ll figure it out.”
    “Love you,” she whispers, and I hear her voice crack with emotion.
    I look down at her and speak the words I’ve never said, “I.Love.You.” I tell her so clearly and concisely there is no doubt in her mind what I mean, and for the first time in forever, I see a smile on her face as her eyes close.
    She softly whispers, “I thought I felt you . . . that day in auditions.” That leaves me confused, but before I can question her, she’s asleep.

Chapter 8
    Phoebe
     
    You know when that one moment happens in life and you instantly know nothing will ever be the same? I experienced that twice this week; losing my parents irrevocably changed my life, who I was at the core. I will never be able to hear their voices, never feel their arms around me, and never be able to see the pride shining in their eyes when I do the most mundane tasks. The boy I fell in love with at four, whether I knew what love was or not, said those three words. The first time he promised to be my superhero, I fell in love with him, and that feeling has never gone away. Sometimes words can be so insignificant, but not those words, not coming from Luke. They breathed life into my soul, they mimicked every action he had done for me the past thirteen years, and they helped heal me. A little piece of me. Three tiny words wiggled their way into my being, through my veins, pumping blood to my shattered heart, and they gave me a new purpose. No matter what I did in life, I had Lucas Nichols, and I had his love.
    I am as happy as can be, but I’m feeling guilty. Guilt that I smiled so soon after burying my parents, guilt that I may sacrifice my dreams to fulfill my mom’s. I know they wouldn’t want that, but I think if she could look down and see me dancing on a stage with a prestigious ballet company, then I wouldn’t feel like I let her dream die. I don’t know