Broken by Christa Cervone

between us.
    “ Alright, you’re right,” I
said with a long sigh. “I feel like I am drowning.” I began to tear
up. “When I saw Garrett yesterday it felt like I’d gotten punched
in the stomach. All those feelings from four years ago came rushing
back.”
    Nicole got up and came around to my
side of the booth and slid in beside me. She put her arm around me.
“You’re not going to like what I have to say. I think you should
talk to someone.”
    “ I am talking to someone.
I am talking to you.” I knew full well what she meant by "talking
to someone."
    “ Leila, I’m serious. I
think you need therapy. You said yourself you feel like you are
drowning. How much longer do you think you can keep going this way?
I’m beginning to think you’re a functioning sex addict and
alcoholic.” She said this with such sorrow in her eyes.
    “ Oh please!” I said
laughingly. I tried to laugh it off but deep down inside, I was
beginning to think the same exact thing.
    “ Have you talked to your
mom lately? I know she’s worried about you. She’s texted me a dozen
times this week.”
    I shook my head. “I know she’s been
calling like crazy. I just can’t deal with her right now. She wants
too much from me. Sometimes I feel like she is smothering
me.”
    While we ate our lunch, I avoided
talking anymore about last night. I brought up the new guy she had
met at work. She told me his name was Michael, and he was a
supervisor in one of the departments in her office. I could tell
she was smitten with the way she lit up when she spoke about him.
We must have been talking for a good hour when she glanced down at
her watch. “Shit. I got to go. Promise me you will think about
talking to someone. You have a whole lot of issues to work
out.”
    I rolled my eyes at her jumping up and
giving her a big hug. “Thank you for always putting up with my
shit.”
    Giving me a bear hug back she said,
“Well someone needs to because you are doing a horrible job on your
own.” She released her grip. “I will call you tonight.” As she was
walking away she spun around pointing her finger at me. “I am not
going to let this therapy thing go.”
    I nodded my head playing
along with her. I figured if I didn’t fight her she would just let
it go. As I headed back to my apartment the words functioning sex addict and alcoholic replayed in my head like a skipping record. Had I
let myself get that bad? “Fuck.” I said aloud as I ran my hands
through my hair. I walked through my door and Molly was waiting for
me. “Hey Molly girl, did you miss me?” I smiled at her. Thoughts of
my conversation with Nicole ran through my head once again. “Pfff,
therapy,” I scoffed.
    I flipped the light switch on in my
room. All I wanted to do was crawl back into my bed and end this
day. The last twenty-four hours had been emotionally draining. As
my eyes scanned my room looking for my robe, I realized I had never
cleaned off my bed. “Ugh.” My bed was still covered with all of my
memories that haunted me. I began to pick up the pictures and put
them back in their box while I looked quickly at some of
them.
    Some, I would stare at and actually
touch Garrett’s face. We looked so happy. How had we gotten to this
place? A tear every now and then would roll down my cheek. After
everything was back in the box, I decided to put the box in the
back of my closet instead of underneath my bed. I felt this would
tempt me less. I would actually have to make an effort to retrieve
the box.
    I crawled under the covers
lying flat on my back in the darkness. Christ, I really have made a mess of my life. The word therapy was ringing in my ears. I
flipped over on my side angrily. I don’t
need therapy .

Chapter 6

    I had a restless night's
sleep, tossing, turning and dreaming about the last four years, all
the men, parties, booze and debauchery that had occurred. I woke to
an unsettling feeling in my stomach. I got up to use the bathroom
as I passed by the mirror