decide to pretend like I’m Molly for the night. I can make it through a few more hours then go to my closet. At least there, I’ve got some peace.
I leave the bathroom and wander until I eventually find Daddy. I can’t bring myself to mingle, so I become his shadow and shake the hands of those he tells me to.
The rest of the night passes fast. I manage not to embarrass him when he introduces me to a bunch of men in suits. I wonder if this is what it’s like to be Molly, if she’s numb all the time, too. I don’t know how she can live like this. As the night progresses, I realize how right she is. I’m not cut out for this type of life.
I don’t see Robert or Dom again, and I ignore the DA when our paths cross. I listen to Daddy give a speech and stand beside him like the decoration I am. He talks about me and how he owes a debt of gratitude to those who saved me. He says a lot of pretty things; he always does.
Not to me, of course. I’m like the couch in the formal living area, not worthy of more than an occasional glance to make sure it’s still there.
We do an official photo shoot with the highest ranking members of the police departments, state and federal law enforcement officials and some politicians. I barely register the flashing cameras. I can’t be here mentally, because I know I’ll freak out.
So I stay numb until I get into the car to leave just before midnight. Then, I curl up in the backseat and sob. This time, it’s Fabio who carries me out of the car to my room. He leaves me on the bed. I stagger into my closet, turn on the light, and cry myself to sleep.
Chapter Four
The next morning, I show up on time for my service in the women’s center. I go straight to my cubical and start typing. It’s the Friday before school starts. I’m exhausted. My dreams were more vivid than before last night, and I keep going over the conversation with Dom.
It hurts so badly. I don’t know why.
I zone out as I type forms into the computer. The first break I take at work, I Google the latest rape victim. I’m hoping she gets better. Maybe she can identify the people who hurt us, so I don’t have to. Thinking such a thought makes me feel guiltier than I already do. There’s no update to her status this morning in the papers. Palms sweaty, I search for Robert Connor again. I thought he was supposed to be gone already, and I’m praying he didn’t change his mind and decide to stay in town.
He didn’t. I reread an article I saw the other day. He’s in and out of town until this weekend, when the season starts. I’m not sure how I missed that before. My phone vibrates in my palm.
Are you ignoring me? Ari’s texted a dozen times already.
Finally, I answer her and tell her I’m at my community service. She sends me links to articles about the police ball. I open one and gaze at the official picture. Me and Daddy, a bunch of men in suits, and a few high ranking police officers.
I’m gazing at the camera, not smiling. My gaze is haunted, but I look beautiful. I have my mother’s firm chin, small nose and chiseled cheekbones. My skin isn’t porcelain like Molly’s, and I’m not perfectly slender like she is. I have golden skin and an hourglass shape, and it makes my blue eyes stand out. I don’t have Molly’s prissy beauty; I have Mom’s earthy beauty. When did I turn into that? I look like the blonde version of my beautiful mother.
You look awwwwwwwwesome! Ari texts.
I smile. I do look good. I also look … sad, like I’ve lost something I can’t replace.
“Mia, are you staying for the one o’clock?” Gianna calls as she passes through the office area.
“Yeah,” I say grudgingly.
“Great!” She smiles and continues towards the medical area.
I text Ari for a bit, do some more forms, then prepare myself for the one o’clock group counseling session. Dr. Thompkins will be waiting for me when I get home. I almost don’t want to go to this group thing, but I want to ask the
I leave the bathroom and wander until I eventually find Daddy. I can’t bring myself to mingle, so I become his shadow and shake the hands of those he tells me to.
The rest of the night passes fast. I manage not to embarrass him when he introduces me to a bunch of men in suits. I wonder if this is what it’s like to be Molly, if she’s numb all the time, too. I don’t know how she can live like this. As the night progresses, I realize how right she is. I’m not cut out for this type of life.
I don’t see Robert or Dom again, and I ignore the DA when our paths cross. I listen to Daddy give a speech and stand beside him like the decoration I am. He talks about me and how he owes a debt of gratitude to those who saved me. He says a lot of pretty things; he always does.
Not to me, of course. I’m like the couch in the formal living area, not worthy of more than an occasional glance to make sure it’s still there.
We do an official photo shoot with the highest ranking members of the police departments, state and federal law enforcement officials and some politicians. I barely register the flashing cameras. I can’t be here mentally, because I know I’ll freak out.
So I stay numb until I get into the car to leave just before midnight. Then, I curl up in the backseat and sob. This time, it’s Fabio who carries me out of the car to my room. He leaves me on the bed. I stagger into my closet, turn on the light, and cry myself to sleep.
Chapter Four
The next morning, I show up on time for my service in the women’s center. I go straight to my cubical and start typing. It’s the Friday before school starts. I’m exhausted. My dreams were more vivid than before last night, and I keep going over the conversation with Dom.
It hurts so badly. I don’t know why.
I zone out as I type forms into the computer. The first break I take at work, I Google the latest rape victim. I’m hoping she gets better. Maybe she can identify the people who hurt us, so I don’t have to. Thinking such a thought makes me feel guiltier than I already do. There’s no update to her status this morning in the papers. Palms sweaty, I search for Robert Connor again. I thought he was supposed to be gone already, and I’m praying he didn’t change his mind and decide to stay in town.
He didn’t. I reread an article I saw the other day. He’s in and out of town until this weekend, when the season starts. I’m not sure how I missed that before. My phone vibrates in my palm.
Are you ignoring me? Ari’s texted a dozen times already.
Finally, I answer her and tell her I’m at my community service. She sends me links to articles about the police ball. I open one and gaze at the official picture. Me and Daddy, a bunch of men in suits, and a few high ranking police officers.
I’m gazing at the camera, not smiling. My gaze is haunted, but I look beautiful. I have my mother’s firm chin, small nose and chiseled cheekbones. My skin isn’t porcelain like Molly’s, and I’m not perfectly slender like she is. I have golden skin and an hourglass shape, and it makes my blue eyes stand out. I don’t have Molly’s prissy beauty; I have Mom’s earthy beauty. When did I turn into that? I look like the blonde version of my beautiful mother.
You look awwwwwwwwesome! Ari texts.
I smile. I do look good. I also look … sad, like I’ve lost something I can’t replace.
“Mia, are you staying for the one o’clock?” Gianna calls as she passes through the office area.
“Yeah,” I say grudgingly.
“Great!” She smiles and continues towards the medical area.
I text Ari for a bit, do some more forms, then prepare myself for the one o’clock group counseling session. Dr. Thompkins will be waiting for me when I get home. I almost don’t want to go to this group thing, but I want to ask the
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