Bug Eyed Monsters by Jean Ure

agreed. It may not have been the Snitch whom they had trailed up the hill, but he obviously wasn’t human.
    â€˜Not when his eyes keep going red.’
    â€˜And don’t forget the cloaking device,’ urged Bal. ‘I reckon you’re right, there’s a whole nest of ‘em!’
    â€˜What we ought to do,’ said Joe, ‘we ought to see who’s missing… gotta be one of ‘em!’
    They set off along the passage, but before they had gone more than a few steps Mr Snitcher’s door had burst open and the Snitch himself sprang out at them like a Jack-in-the-box on the end of a wire.
    â€˜Ah! The very people I am looking for. I wish you to know,’ said Mr Snitcher, ‘thatI have been awake, on and off, almost the entire night!’
    They shuffled, nervously. Round Mr Snitcher’s mouth there were traces of foam.
    Harry muttered, ‘Sorry about that, sir! Didn’t mean to upset you, sir.’
    â€˜Whether you meant to or not is beside the point. The fact is that you did. I shall be a nervous wreck all day. I simply cannot function without my full eight hours! Now, get in here, the four of you, I need you to find something for me. Down there!’
    He pointed. Bal said, ‘Down there, sir?’
    â€˜On the floor! My contact lens. I dropped it whilst I was gargling.’
    â€˜G-gargling, sir?’
    â€˜Yes,’ said Mr Snitcher. ‘Gargling!
Glaaaaa-AAAAA-ergh…
gargling!’
    He paused. Four pairs of eyes stared up at him. Four mouths dropped open.
    â€˜Do I perhaps hear you inquire – ’ Mr Snitcher cupped a hand to one of his big pancake ears – ‘why was I gargling at the same time as attempting to remove mycontact lens? I will tell you why! It was because I was running late. And the reason I was running late? Because my sleep pattern was interrupted! So, if you would just get down there and locate my missing property, we can all proceed to breakfast. Such as it is,’ said Mr Snitcher, in tones of some bitterness. ‘In my case, a mere handful of seeds and a glass of water. I am a martyr to my health at the best of times. Being rudely awoken in the middle of the night does nothing for my digestive system.’
    â€˜No, sir.’ Harry nodded, gravely. ‘I can see that it wouldn’t, sir.’
    â€˜Just get on with it,’ said Mr Snitcher.
    They fell to their knees and began a slow crawl across the carpet.
    â€˜Sir,’ said Ryan, ‘please, sir! I’m not sure I know what a contact lens looks like, sir.’
    â€˜Small,’ said Mr Snitcher. ‘And red. And exceedingly delicate!’
    â€˜Sir, did you say
red,
sir?’ Ryan sat back on his heels. ‘Wouldn’t that make your eyes go a bit of a funny colour, sir?’
    Mr Snitcher’s top lip curled. ‘What sort of a funny colour did you have in mind, precisely?’
    â€˜Well, like… red?’ said Ryan.
    â€˜Red!’ Mr Snitcher gave a little snicker of laughter. ‘Was that a wild guess, I wonder, or did you actually employ your brain?’
    Ryan looked round, rather doubtfully, at the others. ‘Just wondered why anyone’d want red eyes, sir.’
    â€˜To frighten small boys?’ said Mr Snitcher. ‘The fact is, I have been invited – ’ his chest swelled, slightly – ‘to a fancy dress party being thrown by the Head Master’s wife. I intend,’ said Mr Snitcher, ‘to go as a vampire.’
    There was a silence. Then very politely Harry said, ‘Wouldn’t you need fangs for that, sir?’
    â€˜I have fangs,’ said Mr Snitcher. A giggle burst from him. ‘I made them out of orange peel!’
    Bal said, ‘Oh, that’s brilliant, sir! I’m sure you’ll make a very convincing vampire, sir.’
    â€˜Only,’ said Mr Snitcher, ‘if I have my contact lens!’
    â€˜Don’t worry, sir.’ Bal crawled