the works.
Beep, beep, beep .
And there was my alarm.
7
My back stiffened as I got out
of the car and placed my feet on the parking lot’s asphalt. Everything at home
seemed small, like I could control it all with the will of my mind. I felt all
powerful and triumphant and brave enough to tackle any obstacle, but now that I
stood under a faint sun, facing our company’s building, I felt incredibly
miniscule.
I had shrunken in size and with
each step forward I grew smaller. I reached as far as I could inside myself to
find a shred of the courage I had throughout the night, but it all scattered through
my fingers and I left it behind like bread crumbs to find my way home. I might’ve
needed the trail when this was over.
I pushed open the front doors
and fell into the gaze of every worker there. They heard I was meeting Ethan
and rumored what might happen. I heard buzzing in my head and couldn’t
decipher its origin between the whispers or my lack of sleep. I attributed it
to the latter when I noticed the walls begin to shake.
I’m losing it , I
thought. The hallway grew and shrunk and it felt like the building was alive
and breathing. I tried to breathe along with it, its rhythm calming me. I
must have faded into the back of my mind because before I knew it I was already
past the receptionist and staring down the handle of his office door.
“You can go on in, Mrs. Banks,”
she said. Her voice was sharp and cold like a knife and I envisioned walking
the plank off a pirate’s ship. “Mrs. Banks?” she asked and pushed me into the
depths of the sea to be devoured by the shark below.
The door opened. There was no
turning back now. He sat in his high back chair, turned away from me like a
villain in a movie, but silent. The quiet was deafening and I had the urge to
speak, to shout, but my throat locked up and lost the key. I stood like a
statue before his desk, waiting for him to lay eyes on me.
A few minutes passed and he
turned around, looking at papers on his desk, not once raising his eyes to
mine. I was taken aback by his handsome figure, and his thick black hair. He
felt familiar and I was compelled to reach out and touch him. I shook the idea
out of my head and watched it fall on the office floor.
“Mrs. Banks…” His voice was
deep and rugged but soothing. I wanted to crawl inside of it and let the
vibrations bounce against my skin. Chills inched through my body just thinking
about it.
“Yes, sir,” I managed to spit
out. I felt myself getting stronger.
“What do you have for me
today? It’ll need to be impressive to make up for that abominable presentation
the other day.” His words shot through me like a bullet, and I suddenly cried
out.
“I can’t believe you. You ask
me, a timid programmer, to give a presentation to the board and then have the
gall to criticize it when you didn’t even show!” I was furious and
rediscovering my fearlessness.
“I didn’t have to show,” he
said, lifting his eyes to mine at last. They sparkled green and pierced
through me. “I gave you a golden opportunity to prove yourself, to come out on
top, and you used it to collect a man’s phone number. Tell me Mrs. Banks, how
would your husband feel about that?” He was ruthless and cold, but my anger
subsided as I considered what he was saying.
He was upset that I took a
man’s number. He didn’t even know me and yet he was jealous. Confusion swept
over me but with a warmth I didn’t expect.
“My husband wouldn’t care.” I
couldn’t gather why that was my response. I had so many other better choices,
like why does it matter?
He rose from his seat and moved
slowly around his desk. He was tall and strong and made his way toward me. I
took a step back for each of his steps forward. We were dancing now, but soon
I was up against a wall, and he was less
Beep, beep, beep .
And there was my alarm.
7
My back stiffened as I got out
of the car and placed my feet on the parking lot’s asphalt. Everything at home
seemed small, like I could control it all with the will of my mind. I felt all
powerful and triumphant and brave enough to tackle any obstacle, but now that I
stood under a faint sun, facing our company’s building, I felt incredibly
miniscule.
I had shrunken in size and with
each step forward I grew smaller. I reached as far as I could inside myself to
find a shred of the courage I had throughout the night, but it all scattered through
my fingers and I left it behind like bread crumbs to find my way home. I might’ve
needed the trail when this was over.
I pushed open the front doors
and fell into the gaze of every worker there. They heard I was meeting Ethan
and rumored what might happen. I heard buzzing in my head and couldn’t
decipher its origin between the whispers or my lack of sleep. I attributed it
to the latter when I noticed the walls begin to shake.
I’m losing it , I
thought. The hallway grew and shrunk and it felt like the building was alive
and breathing. I tried to breathe along with it, its rhythm calming me. I
must have faded into the back of my mind because before I knew it I was already
past the receptionist and staring down the handle of his office door.
“You can go on in, Mrs. Banks,”
she said. Her voice was sharp and cold like a knife and I envisioned walking
the plank off a pirate’s ship. “Mrs. Banks?” she asked and pushed me into the
depths of the sea to be devoured by the shark below.
The door opened. There was no
turning back now. He sat in his high back chair, turned away from me like a
villain in a movie, but silent. The quiet was deafening and I had the urge to
speak, to shout, but my throat locked up and lost the key. I stood like a
statue before his desk, waiting for him to lay eyes on me.
A few minutes passed and he
turned around, looking at papers on his desk, not once raising his eyes to
mine. I was taken aback by his handsome figure, and his thick black hair. He
felt familiar and I was compelled to reach out and touch him. I shook the idea
out of my head and watched it fall on the office floor.
“Mrs. Banks…” His voice was
deep and rugged but soothing. I wanted to crawl inside of it and let the
vibrations bounce against my skin. Chills inched through my body just thinking
about it.
“Yes, sir,” I managed to spit
out. I felt myself getting stronger.
“What do you have for me
today? It’ll need to be impressive to make up for that abominable presentation
the other day.” His words shot through me like a bullet, and I suddenly cried
out.
“I can’t believe you. You ask
me, a timid programmer, to give a presentation to the board and then have the
gall to criticize it when you didn’t even show!” I was furious and
rediscovering my fearlessness.
“I didn’t have to show,” he
said, lifting his eyes to mine at last. They sparkled green and pierced
through me. “I gave you a golden opportunity to prove yourself, to come out on
top, and you used it to collect a man’s phone number. Tell me Mrs. Banks, how
would your husband feel about that?” He was ruthless and cold, but my anger
subsided as I considered what he was saying.
He was upset that I took a
man’s number. He didn’t even know me and yet he was jealous. Confusion swept
over me but with a warmth I didn’t expect.
“My husband wouldn’t care.” I
couldn’t gather why that was my response. I had so many other better choices,
like why does it matter?
He rose from his seat and moved
slowly around his desk. He was tall and strong and made his way toward me. I
took a step back for each of his steps forward. We were dancing now, but soon
I was up against a wall, and he was less
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