expression.
‘You used to lug her around everywhere with you when you were little,’ said Mum. She looked at me. ‘You’re
still
little,’ she said, and she started crying.
I’d seen Mum cry lots of times before, but never like this. She sat back on her heels and sobbed, her mouth like a letter box because she was howling so hard. It was so scary that Tiger stopped crawling round her wardrobe playing with shoes, and huddled down into her pashmina pile, sobbing too.
I wanted to cry as well, but Steve was out playing a farewell round of golf with all his boring buddies so he wasn’t around to comfort Mum. I had to be the grown-up. I put my arms round Mum and I rocked her and she clutched me tight and wept against my chest until my T-shirt was sodden.
‘Please don’t cry so, Mum,’ I begged. ‘I’m not little, I’m big now. I’ll be fine with Dad while you’re away, and then when you come back from Australia we’ll go back to me living with you during the week and we’ll get back to normal again, you’ll see.’
‘Oh darling,’ Mum sobbed. ‘I think I’ve gone crazy. What am I
doing
? I
can’t
leave you behind, I simply can’t.’
7
I STARTED TO hope that she’d really changed her mind. She’d stay in this country after all and forget about Australia.
The next day she stopped all her frantic packing and consulted a solicitor. I wasn’t allowed to go into his office with her. I had to stay in the reception room minding Tiger. He wouldn’t stay on my lap. He prowled around on his hands and knees, his sticky hands scrabbling at all the leather-bound law books on the shelves. The receptionist tried cooing and clucking at him, but Tiger wasn’t in a mood to be charmed. He was yelling his head off when Mum came out of the solicitor’s office. She looked in a yelling mood too.
‘As if I’m going to hang around and let the courts sort it out!’ she exploded the moment we got outside. ‘We’ve got the tickets, we’re all set to go. We can’t hang around now! Steve has got to start working at the Sydney branch this month. I can’t let him go off on his own. He needs my support – and if I’m not careful some silly young thing will bat her eyes at him and turn his head. What am I going to
do
?’
Mum glared at me as if it was all my fault. ‘Why can’t you jump at this fantastic chance, Floss? I was mad to let you dictate to me. Look, you’re coming with us, whether you like it or not!’
‘What are you going to do, Mum? Kidnap me? I’m a bit big to bundle under your arm. Are you going to lock me in one of the suitcases?’
‘Stop being so cheeky!’ Mum said, giving me a shake.
‘Well, you stop bossing me about! Ouch, you’re
hurting
. I’ve told you and told you, I’m not coming, I’m staying with Dad.’
‘
Why
do you want to stay with him?’
‘I love him.’
‘More than you love me?’
‘I love you
both
,’ I said, crying. ‘Mum, he needs me.’
‘So you care more about his feelings than mine? All right then, stay with him. I won’t try and persuade you any more. Happy now?’ Mum snapped.
Of course I wasn’t happy – and neither was she. It was exhausting. It looked like we were going to be chopping and changing for ever, best friends one day and snarling enemies the next.
The day before Mum and Steve and Tiger flew off we were all at sixes and sevens – and eights and nines and tens. Mum and I were hugging one minute and shouting the next. But that night Mum left Steve alone in his big bed, edged her way round the last of the packing cases, and came and clambered into my single bed beside me. She held me tight and I nestled in to her. Neither of us slept much. Mum told me stories about when I was a very little girl. I told Mum stories about what I planned to do when I was a big girl. We held onto each other, Mum’s hands gripping my arms fiercely, as if she could never bear to let me go.
Dad came to collect me in his van, so that he could carry
‘You used to lug her around everywhere with you when you were little,’ said Mum. She looked at me. ‘You’re
still
little,’ she said, and she started crying.
I’d seen Mum cry lots of times before, but never like this. She sat back on her heels and sobbed, her mouth like a letter box because she was howling so hard. It was so scary that Tiger stopped crawling round her wardrobe playing with shoes, and huddled down into her pashmina pile, sobbing too.
I wanted to cry as well, but Steve was out playing a farewell round of golf with all his boring buddies so he wasn’t around to comfort Mum. I had to be the grown-up. I put my arms round Mum and I rocked her and she clutched me tight and wept against my chest until my T-shirt was sodden.
‘Please don’t cry so, Mum,’ I begged. ‘I’m not little, I’m big now. I’ll be fine with Dad while you’re away, and then when you come back from Australia we’ll go back to me living with you during the week and we’ll get back to normal again, you’ll see.’
‘Oh darling,’ Mum sobbed. ‘I think I’ve gone crazy. What am I
doing
? I
can’t
leave you behind, I simply can’t.’
7
I STARTED TO hope that she’d really changed her mind. She’d stay in this country after all and forget about Australia.
The next day she stopped all her frantic packing and consulted a solicitor. I wasn’t allowed to go into his office with her. I had to stay in the reception room minding Tiger. He wouldn’t stay on my lap. He prowled around on his hands and knees, his sticky hands scrabbling at all the leather-bound law books on the shelves. The receptionist tried cooing and clucking at him, but Tiger wasn’t in a mood to be charmed. He was yelling his head off when Mum came out of the solicitor’s office. She looked in a yelling mood too.
‘As if I’m going to hang around and let the courts sort it out!’ she exploded the moment we got outside. ‘We’ve got the tickets, we’re all set to go. We can’t hang around now! Steve has got to start working at the Sydney branch this month. I can’t let him go off on his own. He needs my support – and if I’m not careful some silly young thing will bat her eyes at him and turn his head. What am I going to
do
?’
Mum glared at me as if it was all my fault. ‘Why can’t you jump at this fantastic chance, Floss? I was mad to let you dictate to me. Look, you’re coming with us, whether you like it or not!’
‘What are you going to do, Mum? Kidnap me? I’m a bit big to bundle under your arm. Are you going to lock me in one of the suitcases?’
‘Stop being so cheeky!’ Mum said, giving me a shake.
‘Well, you stop bossing me about! Ouch, you’re
hurting
. I’ve told you and told you, I’m not coming, I’m staying with Dad.’
‘
Why
do you want to stay with him?’
‘I love him.’
‘More than you love me?’
‘I love you
both
,’ I said, crying. ‘Mum, he needs me.’
‘So you care more about his feelings than mine? All right then, stay with him. I won’t try and persuade you any more. Happy now?’ Mum snapped.
Of course I wasn’t happy – and neither was she. It was exhausting. It looked like we were going to be chopping and changing for ever, best friends one day and snarling enemies the next.
The day before Mum and Steve and Tiger flew off we were all at sixes and sevens – and eights and nines and tens. Mum and I were hugging one minute and shouting the next. But that night Mum left Steve alone in his big bed, edged her way round the last of the packing cases, and came and clambered into my single bed beside me. She held me tight and I nestled in to her. Neither of us slept much. Mum told me stories about when I was a very little girl. I told Mum stories about what I planned to do when I was a big girl. We held onto each other, Mum’s hands gripping my arms fiercely, as if she could never bear to let me go.
Dad came to collect me in his van, so that he could carry
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