comfort—weren’t exactly Kaylin’s strong suit. Sadly, inactivity wasn’t, either. She wanted to do something to help, while being privately certain that any attempt would only make things worse.
“Kaylin?” Bellusdeo said.
“Sorry, just thinking.”
“About?”
“If I had a suit of armor like yours, Elani street would be a lot easier to manage.”
“Fear has that effect.” The Dragon grinned. “The only thing your citizens seem to fear is the Emperor.”
“Not true.”
“No?”
“They fear starvation, disease, and homelessness. Among other things.”
A golden brow rose in a distinct arch at Kaylin’s snappish reply. “I touched a nerve.”
She had. Kaylin’s response was a fief shrug. “It’s not easy being a mortal.” Before Bellusdeo could speak, she added, “It’s not easy being immortal, either. I’m coming to understand that. But our fears aren’t your fears. I think there’s overlap. Anyone, of any race, gets lonely. Anyone, of any race, can feel both grief and loss.
“But most of our lives aren’t taken up with war and larger-than-life magical conspiracies. We die anyway, no matter what we do. And you won’t. But the lives we live aren’t insignificant to us; if we only have a handful of years, we want them more.”
“I will not even argue that. Perhaps life is like friendship.”
Kaylin glanced at her.
“If you have many, many friends, friendship is a given, a matter of fact. If you have—at most—one or two, it is rare, it is precious. The loss of a friend in that case is shattering because one cannot assume that there will necessarily be others. I did not mean to diminish either your fears or your experience.”
“...No.” Kaylin exhaled. “I used to think that people like you had it easy.”
Bellusdeo didn’t seem surprised by this.
“You’re beautiful. You’re charismatic. You never get old, or fat, you’ve never been plain—or ugly. You don’t get diseases. The cold won’t kill you. You don’t need to sleep. You’re never going to starve. If worse comes to worst, you can hunt. I used to think—when I was a child—that if I were Barrani, I would never, ever have to be afraid.”
“The Barrani are not without fear.”
“No, I know that now. Neither are the Dragons—they just fear different things. All the things that terrified me as a child in the fiefs would never have been able to hurt me had I been you or Teela. It didn’t really occur to me that other things could. My life was a desperate, mortal life. Until the marks appeared on half my body.”
“And yet you do not seem to be comfortable with them.”
Kaylin grimaced. Honestly, if she didn’t stop doing that, her face would get stuck that way. “A dozen children were killed because these marks existed. Two of them were my family. I’d trade the marks, even now, if I could have them back.
“But I love my life. I mean, I hate parts of it—don’t get me started on Sergeant Mallory or the idiots who demand nothing but paperwork—but I was helpless when I was that child. I couldn’t have imagined living the life I have now; even escaping the fiefs was a daydream, something that other people did.”
“What you love about your life now is that you can make a difference?”
Kaylin’s nod was so instant and emphatic, she should have gotten whiplash.
“Even if that difference involves total strangers?”
“It’s why I’m a Hawk.”
“I will say that the only thing that makes me reconsider my opinion of the Emperor is the Halls of Law. It’s the Hawks, in particular. There are many, many ways he could have approached ruling a city of this size. Or the Empire outside of it. To most of my kin, these laws of yours would be incomprehensible. They were made for mortals, designed for them, and are enforced by them.”
Teela coughed. Loudly.
Bellusdeo chuckled. “Mostly enforced by them. In the Aeries of my youth, the suggestion would have been a joke—at best. Only the
“Kaylin?” Bellusdeo said.
“Sorry, just thinking.”
“About?”
“If I had a suit of armor like yours, Elani street would be a lot easier to manage.”
“Fear has that effect.” The Dragon grinned. “The only thing your citizens seem to fear is the Emperor.”
“Not true.”
“No?”
“They fear starvation, disease, and homelessness. Among other things.”
A golden brow rose in a distinct arch at Kaylin’s snappish reply. “I touched a nerve.”
She had. Kaylin’s response was a fief shrug. “It’s not easy being a mortal.” Before Bellusdeo could speak, she added, “It’s not easy being immortal, either. I’m coming to understand that. But our fears aren’t your fears. I think there’s overlap. Anyone, of any race, gets lonely. Anyone, of any race, can feel both grief and loss.
“But most of our lives aren’t taken up with war and larger-than-life magical conspiracies. We die anyway, no matter what we do. And you won’t. But the lives we live aren’t insignificant to us; if we only have a handful of years, we want them more.”
“I will not even argue that. Perhaps life is like friendship.”
Kaylin glanced at her.
“If you have many, many friends, friendship is a given, a matter of fact. If you have—at most—one or two, it is rare, it is precious. The loss of a friend in that case is shattering because one cannot assume that there will necessarily be others. I did not mean to diminish either your fears or your experience.”
“...No.” Kaylin exhaled. “I used to think that people like you had it easy.”
Bellusdeo didn’t seem surprised by this.
“You’re beautiful. You’re charismatic. You never get old, or fat, you’ve never been plain—or ugly. You don’t get diseases. The cold won’t kill you. You don’t need to sleep. You’re never going to starve. If worse comes to worst, you can hunt. I used to think—when I was a child—that if I were Barrani, I would never, ever have to be afraid.”
“The Barrani are not without fear.”
“No, I know that now. Neither are the Dragons—they just fear different things. All the things that terrified me as a child in the fiefs would never have been able to hurt me had I been you or Teela. It didn’t really occur to me that other things could. My life was a desperate, mortal life. Until the marks appeared on half my body.”
“And yet you do not seem to be comfortable with them.”
Kaylin grimaced. Honestly, if she didn’t stop doing that, her face would get stuck that way. “A dozen children were killed because these marks existed. Two of them were my family. I’d trade the marks, even now, if I could have them back.
“But I love my life. I mean, I hate parts of it—don’t get me started on Sergeant Mallory or the idiots who demand nothing but paperwork—but I was helpless when I was that child. I couldn’t have imagined living the life I have now; even escaping the fiefs was a daydream, something that other people did.”
“What you love about your life now is that you can make a difference?”
Kaylin’s nod was so instant and emphatic, she should have gotten whiplash.
“Even if that difference involves total strangers?”
“It’s why I’m a Hawk.”
“I will say that the only thing that makes me reconsider my opinion of the Emperor is the Halls of Law. It’s the Hawks, in particular. There are many, many ways he could have approached ruling a city of this size. Or the Empire outside of it. To most of my kin, these laws of yours would be incomprehensible. They were made for mortals, designed for them, and are enforced by them.”
Teela coughed. Loudly.
Bellusdeo chuckled. “Mostly enforced by them. In the Aeries of my youth, the suggestion would have been a joke—at best. Only the
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