Ditch by Beth Steel

enough.
    Turner Fuck it I’ll go and come back.
    Bug There aint no comin’ back.
    Turner What a’ you fuckin’ sayin’?
    Bug They aint comin’ back.
    Turner You fuckin’ did.
    Bug Set the grenade off myself.
    Pause.
    Turner Had our backs to the wall plenty a’ times.
    Bug Aint like what it been before.
    Turner I know what it’s fuckin’ like.
    Bug No you don’t.
    Turner I fuckin’ do!
    Bug There aint no talkin’ to you sometimes.
    Turner Not when you’re talkin’ shit.
    Bug You don’t wanna’ hear it.
    Turner There aint nothin’ you can tell me.
    Turner turns around. Bug stays as he is.
    Turner You’re just pissed about your arm.
    Bug You dint hear what I said.
    Turner I fuckin’ heard yer. I don’t believe yer.
    Turner is striding aimlessly behind Bug .
    Turner You . . . you couldn’t a’ done that. You hear! You dint do that . . . leave me waitin’ out here . . . weren’t gonna do that . . . couldn’t a’ left me out here . . . You wanna drop me? S’that what you fuckin’ want? Need to take that stump out on someone? Go ahead. I can take it. Come on. Lay one on me. Fuckin’ turn around. Fuckin’ come on and get it. ( Draws back a blow. ) I’ll fuck you –
    A fighter jet screeches overhead. Turner hits the ground, Bug doesn’t react.
    Turner Shit! Shit shit shit did you hear that? ( Laughs. ) We got jets. ( On his knees. ) We . . . we got jets.( On his feet. ) We got jets in the sky! Woo-Hoo!
    Bug Aint ours.
    Beat.
    Turner What?
    Bug Jets, aint ours.
    Turner What d’you mean?
    Bug Our allies set up an airbase outside a’ Sheffield.
    Turner What a’ they doin’ here?
    Bug Firin’ misiles.
    Turner Where to?
    Bug China. Turn, they been –
    Turner Still, good to see somethin’ up there.
    Turner stares at Bug defiantly. Pause. Bug walks away .
    Bug Goin’ back to the outpost tomorrow.
    Turner We out here for two days.
    Another fighter jet screeches overhead. Turner runs after it, making whooping noises .
    Scene Four
    Plot of land. Sunset.
    Mrs Peel is harvesting potatoes from the earth. Burns enters, he has been drinking heavily but wears it well. He stands at a distance to her looking out.
    Burns Quite a sunset.
    Beat.
    Burns More orange than usual. Don’t yer think?
    Mrs Peel Aint lookin’ at it.
    Burns Late in the day to be doin’ that.
    Burns edges closer to Mrs Peel .
    Burns That was a fine dinner.
    Mrs Peel Not keen on snails.
    Burns Don’t like the taste or the look a’ ’em?
    Mrs Peel Just don’t fancy ’em after lookin’ at ’em shit all day.
    Burns I been meanin’ to ask what yer put with ’em?
    Mrs Peel Garlic and sage. Same as I do everythin’.
    Burns Used to do a bit a’ cookin’ myself.
    Mrs Peel Let me know if you should get the urge again.
    Burns I wouldn’t be able to do what you do.
    Mrs Peel I’m out a’ whiskey.
    Burns Got some here.
    Burns gives his flask to Mrs Peel .
    Burns I’m getting’ supplies in the mornin’.
    Mrs Peel gives the flask back.
    Burns Put you a bottle under the sink .
    Mrs Peel doesn’t acknowledge the bottle; continues working.
    Burns What a’ you cookin’ for dinner tomorrow?
    Mrs Peel Snails.
    Burns Again?
    Mrs Peel Had to put some a’ em aside. They weren’t shittin’.
    Burns Constipated snails?
    Mrs Peel And mashed tater.
    Burns Been thinkin’ about makin’ some changes around here.
    Mrs Peel What kind a’ changes?
    Burns Not now.
    Mrs Peel stands .
    Mrs Peel What kind a changes?
    Burns A greenhouse.
    The potato falls away from Mrs Peel ’s hand.
    Burns Build a greenhouse so as we can get more fruit. Fix the roofin’ a’ the stables. Make a stone oven for outside. Take some cuttin’s and plant some flowers. Get some beehives. Four, five beehives for honey and . . . what’s that other