couldn’t make her tell me anything else and we fell out badly over it once again. Things got so bad that I decided to move in permanently with Scott and his family. His mum, Lynne, was brilliant right from the word go.
‘Stay as long as you want,’ she told me warmly. ‘I know you’re having a tough time, so you’re more than welcome here.’
It was nice of her but Scott was still into his drugs and it became quite a regular occurrence that I’d cook for him and then end up throwing his food in the bin while he ‘tripped out’ at the table.
All the signs were there that Scott was going to hurt me badly, so perhaps it shouldn’t have surprised me when he announced casually that he’d got another girl pregnant.
‘What?’ I froze when he told me, my jaw literally hanging open. ‘How could you do that to me? I trusted you!’
I ran into the lounge in floods of tears and broke the news to Lynne, who was disgusted with her son.
‘I want you out of this house, Scott,’ she told him coldly. ‘Chanelle would never cheat on you in a million years – how dare you treat her like that?’
He didn’t have much to say to that and got his stuff together that same evening. He moved into a caravan and my world was in bits. He had been everything to me and him cheating on me was like having my one and only emotional prop kicked out from under me.
Full of despair, it was in their house that I took my second overdose. Just like the last time, I decided I wanted to flick the switch off and end all of my pain. Grabbing a bottle of gin from Lynne’s cupboard, I went up to the bathroom and started swigging it with some painkillers. Almost methodically, I then found a razor and scored a couple of small cuts on my left wrist. Little beads of blood shot out, just like before. It was so easy but, in the blink of an eye, I changed my mind and thought, ‘What the fuck am I doing? This is stupid. I need help.’
Clutching my arm, I staggered downstairs and wailed, ‘Lynne, I’m so sorry! Look what I’ve done! I’ve taken all these tablets too. Please help me. I’m in a really bad place.’
As ever, she was so calm and knew exactly what to do. She called an ambulance and then phoned Scott, who joined us at the hospital. Fortunately, the cuts were no way near as bad this time and I hadn’t taken enough pills to pose any serious risk to myself. I was allowed out that same night and, as I didn’t want to talk to Scott or even look at his cheating face, Lynne took me back with her. As good as she was in the crisis, she said later, ‘I feel like it’s all my fault.’
‘Don’t be silly,’ I said. ‘Of course it’s not.’
After that, I decided to go back home because there was no point in me staying with them after Scott left. But old habits die hard and pretty soon, I’m ashamed to admit, I started phoning him again. Unbelievably, I begged him to take me back.
‘I don’t care if you got that girl pregnant,’ I grovelled. ‘I’m so unhappy without you, please can we try again?’
I can’t believe I was such a fool now but we did end up getting back together and, with his encouragement, I started bunking off school. He had quit by then and didn’t want me going in without him, mostly because he was worried about other boys flirting with me. Scott was always a complete control freak – he used to work in a bowling alley and he liked my friend Natalie and I to get the bus there every Saturday and hang around all day. I’d met Natalie in Year Seven at high school and we were as thick as thieves. Even now, we’re still very close. But when we went along to the bowling alley each weekend, we didn’t even play – we just sat there chatting because Scott liked to keep an eye on me. I loved him though and I’d have done anything to keep hold of him. How pathetic does that make me sound?
At this point, I was about to sit my mock-GCSE exams andmy teachers were concerned about the number of lessons I was bunking
‘Stay as long as you want,’ she told me warmly. ‘I know you’re having a tough time, so you’re more than welcome here.’
It was nice of her but Scott was still into his drugs and it became quite a regular occurrence that I’d cook for him and then end up throwing his food in the bin while he ‘tripped out’ at the table.
All the signs were there that Scott was going to hurt me badly, so perhaps it shouldn’t have surprised me when he announced casually that he’d got another girl pregnant.
‘What?’ I froze when he told me, my jaw literally hanging open. ‘How could you do that to me? I trusted you!’
I ran into the lounge in floods of tears and broke the news to Lynne, who was disgusted with her son.
‘I want you out of this house, Scott,’ she told him coldly. ‘Chanelle would never cheat on you in a million years – how dare you treat her like that?’
He didn’t have much to say to that and got his stuff together that same evening. He moved into a caravan and my world was in bits. He had been everything to me and him cheating on me was like having my one and only emotional prop kicked out from under me.
Full of despair, it was in their house that I took my second overdose. Just like the last time, I decided I wanted to flick the switch off and end all of my pain. Grabbing a bottle of gin from Lynne’s cupboard, I went up to the bathroom and started swigging it with some painkillers. Almost methodically, I then found a razor and scored a couple of small cuts on my left wrist. Little beads of blood shot out, just like before. It was so easy but, in the blink of an eye, I changed my mind and thought, ‘What the fuck am I doing? This is stupid. I need help.’
Clutching my arm, I staggered downstairs and wailed, ‘Lynne, I’m so sorry! Look what I’ve done! I’ve taken all these tablets too. Please help me. I’m in a really bad place.’
As ever, she was so calm and knew exactly what to do. She called an ambulance and then phoned Scott, who joined us at the hospital. Fortunately, the cuts were no way near as bad this time and I hadn’t taken enough pills to pose any serious risk to myself. I was allowed out that same night and, as I didn’t want to talk to Scott or even look at his cheating face, Lynne took me back with her. As good as she was in the crisis, she said later, ‘I feel like it’s all my fault.’
‘Don’t be silly,’ I said. ‘Of course it’s not.’
After that, I decided to go back home because there was no point in me staying with them after Scott left. But old habits die hard and pretty soon, I’m ashamed to admit, I started phoning him again. Unbelievably, I begged him to take me back.
‘I don’t care if you got that girl pregnant,’ I grovelled. ‘I’m so unhappy without you, please can we try again?’
I can’t believe I was such a fool now but we did end up getting back together and, with his encouragement, I started bunking off school. He had quit by then and didn’t want me going in without him, mostly because he was worried about other boys flirting with me. Scott was always a complete control freak – he used to work in a bowling alley and he liked my friend Natalie and I to get the bus there every Saturday and hang around all day. I’d met Natalie in Year Seven at high school and we were as thick as thieves. Even now, we’re still very close. But when we went along to the bowling alley each weekend, we didn’t even play – we just sat there chatting because Scott liked to keep an eye on me. I loved him though and I’d have done anything to keep hold of him. How pathetic does that make me sound?
At this point, I was about to sit my mock-GCSE exams andmy teachers were concerned about the number of lessons I was bunking
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