Doug suddenly said, “I love you”. Olivia carried on talking.
Had she heard him? Was she ignoring him? He repeated, “I love you”.
This time she stopped and looked at him.
“ Doug, what did you just say?” she waited for his reply.
“ I love you” he replied, “ In fact I don't think I have ever really felt like this before”. He looked down at the crisp white napkin draped across his knees. He felt the embarrassment take a grip. Total silence descended. Doug dare not look up, he dare not look at her.
Right now Doug was wishing that the ground would open and swallow him up. There was an uncomfortable stillness all around them.
Doug twisted the corner of the napkin feeling her eyes piercing his skull, burning through, sending shocks down to his heart.
He heard the chink of glass; she must be pouring herself another drink.
Why oh why had he said that to her?
Speaking to his knees now he said it again, “I love you”.
What seemed to last an hour was merely a pregnant pause.
Olivia gave a big sigh which signalled him to look up and across at her.
She was looking at him intently and began to laugh, her cheeks rosy with embarrassment at his sudden declaration.
She asked him if he knew what he had just said to her. Of course he knew, it was not something he said much in his life, but when he did, it was meant.
Olivia began to frown and began, ”You have been drinking and don't know what you are saying, these words are serious stuff”.
Doug wondered if he might cry and said, “I know and I could not have said it without the wine, but it is not the wine speaking, it is me. I'm not sure where it came from, but it is the truth Olivia, I love you. I have never felt like this before. I think about you all the time. I want to call you a dozen times a day. I look out of the office window hoping to catch a glimpse of you at work”.
Olivia thought for a moment. Doug was coming to her office more often and they would discuss the rehearsals.
Sometimes there was nothing to discuss and Doug would say he popped in for a coffee in passing. Some days he seemed reluctant to leave and would chat to Anthony, her boss.
Now things were beginning to fall into place.
Doug looked at her with pleading puppy dog eyes, asking her to forget it, “I should not have said it, I am sorry,” he whispered.
Olivia looked everywhere but at him, she shook her head, paused for a moment before rising and coming round the table to him.
She sat in the chair next to him and pulled it closer.
Turning and studying his face Olivia took his hand between hers and began, “Well you see Doug”.
“ Oh no”, he thought, “I know what's coming next, the broken record entitled, NO!” Olivia cleared her throat saying very clearly, “Well it's like this”.
She stopped, reached for her glass and took a long drink of the cool wine.
The torment was now becoming too much for him. Why could she not just get on with it?
He could begin to nurse his wounded pride, kick himself and vow never to open up his feelings again.
Doug realised just how difficult he had made things for her; for them. It was too late to take back what was said.
He couldn't say, “ well actually it's not true, I don't love you”. That would have been a lie.
Doug was sick of lying, he continually did this to others and to himself.
For maybe the first time in his life he was being honest and now feeling very silly. He felt his stomach clench, sending waves of nausea mixed with anticipation through his body.
Olivia kept hold of his hand, squeezing it tightly and becoming more tense with every passing moment.
Doug studied her face. She was giving nothing away. There was an expressionless veil covering her thoughts.
Olivia began to speak very slowly as though she were choosing her words very carefully.
She was tripping through vocabulary as though walking on thin ice, which might break any time now.
“ Doug, I thank you for what you have said. We have known each
Had she heard him? Was she ignoring him? He repeated, “I love you”.
This time she stopped and looked at him.
“ Doug, what did you just say?” she waited for his reply.
“ I love you” he replied, “ In fact I don't think I have ever really felt like this before”. He looked down at the crisp white napkin draped across his knees. He felt the embarrassment take a grip. Total silence descended. Doug dare not look up, he dare not look at her.
Right now Doug was wishing that the ground would open and swallow him up. There was an uncomfortable stillness all around them.
Doug twisted the corner of the napkin feeling her eyes piercing his skull, burning through, sending shocks down to his heart.
He heard the chink of glass; she must be pouring herself another drink.
Why oh why had he said that to her?
Speaking to his knees now he said it again, “I love you”.
What seemed to last an hour was merely a pregnant pause.
Olivia gave a big sigh which signalled him to look up and across at her.
She was looking at him intently and began to laugh, her cheeks rosy with embarrassment at his sudden declaration.
She asked him if he knew what he had just said to her. Of course he knew, it was not something he said much in his life, but when he did, it was meant.
Olivia began to frown and began, ”You have been drinking and don't know what you are saying, these words are serious stuff”.
Doug wondered if he might cry and said, “I know and I could not have said it without the wine, but it is not the wine speaking, it is me. I'm not sure where it came from, but it is the truth Olivia, I love you. I have never felt like this before. I think about you all the time. I want to call you a dozen times a day. I look out of the office window hoping to catch a glimpse of you at work”.
Olivia thought for a moment. Doug was coming to her office more often and they would discuss the rehearsals.
Sometimes there was nothing to discuss and Doug would say he popped in for a coffee in passing. Some days he seemed reluctant to leave and would chat to Anthony, her boss.
Now things were beginning to fall into place.
Doug looked at her with pleading puppy dog eyes, asking her to forget it, “I should not have said it, I am sorry,” he whispered.
Olivia looked everywhere but at him, she shook her head, paused for a moment before rising and coming round the table to him.
She sat in the chair next to him and pulled it closer.
Turning and studying his face Olivia took his hand between hers and began, “Well you see Doug”.
“ Oh no”, he thought, “I know what's coming next, the broken record entitled, NO!” Olivia cleared her throat saying very clearly, “Well it's like this”.
She stopped, reached for her glass and took a long drink of the cool wine.
The torment was now becoming too much for him. Why could she not just get on with it?
He could begin to nurse his wounded pride, kick himself and vow never to open up his feelings again.
Doug realised just how difficult he had made things for her; for them. It was too late to take back what was said.
He couldn't say, “ well actually it's not true, I don't love you”. That would have been a lie.
Doug was sick of lying, he continually did this to others and to himself.
For maybe the first time in his life he was being honest and now feeling very silly. He felt his stomach clench, sending waves of nausea mixed with anticipation through his body.
Olivia kept hold of his hand, squeezing it tightly and becoming more tense with every passing moment.
Doug studied her face. She was giving nothing away. There was an expressionless veil covering her thoughts.
Olivia began to speak very slowly as though she were choosing her words very carefully.
She was tripping through vocabulary as though walking on thin ice, which might break any time now.
“ Doug, I thank you for what you have said. We have known each
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