up with you? I miss you so much, but I’m finally getting out
of here! I just feel like nothing but good is going to come from
this trip! Finally, something good is going to happen! I’m getting
out of here!
“ Things are only as bad as
you think they are.”
I was right. Going back to school after the
weekend of my meltdown was terrible, but not as terrible as I
thought it was going to be. No one really remembered it over the
weekend, or no one cared, or people just didn’t know who I was or
remember I was the one who had a meltdown. The only people who did
anything about it were Amanda and her group of my former friends.
They refused to talk to me, Amanda flipped me off whenever we
passed in the hallway, and I was forced to eat lunch by myself in
front of my locker. None of that really bothered me though. Amanda
told me to fuck off enough when we were friends. Now that we were
enemies the insult doesn’t have much of a meaning. I don’t even
mind eating lunch by myself. It gives me a chance to catch up on
reading and I don’t have to listen to Amanda talk trash about a
“person who will remain nameless”, also known as me.
Besides, nothing really matters now, not
highschool things at least. In just a few short weeks I am going to
be in a car driving to Minnesota, chasing my ghost and seeing where
it leads I might be a mess, friendless, boyfriend-less and a total
loser, but I am going on an adventure. Once I get back from that
I’ll be a totally different person. Maybe William will help me
learn something about myself, or maybe I’ll finally find my voice.
It does still hurt when Amanda and Pru walks past me by my locker
without saying a word. Amanda’s condescending little smirk gets to
me a lot more than I’ll ever admit out loud. My heart even hurts a
little for losing them. But I can think of my trip and that gets me
through the day.
According to Google it should take me nine
hours and fifteen minutes to get from here to there. I figure with
various breaks for gas and the bathroom it would take closer to ten
hours flat. I’ll be staying with my aunt in St. Paul, so my mom’s
been arranging with her, making sure I’ll have a live body to check
in with when I get there. It might be nice having a place I know I
can crash. At least I won’t end up having to sleep in my car.
It will mean taking a week off from work,
and that idea is so foreign to me I haven’t asked off for it yet.
I’m not sure what to say. I haven’t not worked for that long since
before high school. I’m not sure what I am scared of more: not
knowing what to do with myself or getting so used to not working I
won’t want to go back. Either way I am running out of time, so it
comes down to today after school. I’m not really sure why I’m so
worried about all this. The world can’t possibly be out to get me
the way I think it is. I force myself to get through the day,
keeping my head down and avoiding Amanda at all costs before I can
escape to work.
I always think that the closer to the winter
holidays it gets, the more people will be driven to buy used books.
It never works that way though. No matter how crazy the shopping
frenzy gets, people never feel the desire to buy an obscene number
of new and used books. I guess people just aren’t as bookwormish as
I am, or they’re less broke and more technologically advanced than
me and have moved onto e-readers. I hate thinking paper books are
going to be a thing of the past. Not that I have anything against
ebooks. In fact, I think they’re a lot more convenient and in some
cases, a lot more fun. I just like the atmosphere books create.
They make a space safe. They smell like comfort and rainy days and
cups of coffee. Still, even with all these book benefits, people
don’t feel the need to buy them in bulk. Which all helps to make
the point that, regardless of what people are buying in the rest of
retail world, my store stays empty.
As much as I need to talk to
of here! I just feel like nothing but good is going to come from
this trip! Finally, something good is going to happen! I’m getting
out of here!
“ Things are only as bad as
you think they are.”
I was right. Going back to school after the
weekend of my meltdown was terrible, but not as terrible as I
thought it was going to be. No one really remembered it over the
weekend, or no one cared, or people just didn’t know who I was or
remember I was the one who had a meltdown. The only people who did
anything about it were Amanda and her group of my former friends.
They refused to talk to me, Amanda flipped me off whenever we
passed in the hallway, and I was forced to eat lunch by myself in
front of my locker. None of that really bothered me though. Amanda
told me to fuck off enough when we were friends. Now that we were
enemies the insult doesn’t have much of a meaning. I don’t even
mind eating lunch by myself. It gives me a chance to catch up on
reading and I don’t have to listen to Amanda talk trash about a
“person who will remain nameless”, also known as me.
Besides, nothing really matters now, not
highschool things at least. In just a few short weeks I am going to
be in a car driving to Minnesota, chasing my ghost and seeing where
it leads I might be a mess, friendless, boyfriend-less and a total
loser, but I am going on an adventure. Once I get back from that
I’ll be a totally different person. Maybe William will help me
learn something about myself, or maybe I’ll finally find my voice.
It does still hurt when Amanda and Pru walks past me by my locker
without saying a word. Amanda’s condescending little smirk gets to
me a lot more than I’ll ever admit out loud. My heart even hurts a
little for losing them. But I can think of my trip and that gets me
through the day.
According to Google it should take me nine
hours and fifteen minutes to get from here to there. I figure with
various breaks for gas and the bathroom it would take closer to ten
hours flat. I’ll be staying with my aunt in St. Paul, so my mom’s
been arranging with her, making sure I’ll have a live body to check
in with when I get there. It might be nice having a place I know I
can crash. At least I won’t end up having to sleep in my car.
It will mean taking a week off from work,
and that idea is so foreign to me I haven’t asked off for it yet.
I’m not sure what to say. I haven’t not worked for that long since
before high school. I’m not sure what I am scared of more: not
knowing what to do with myself or getting so used to not working I
won’t want to go back. Either way I am running out of time, so it
comes down to today after school. I’m not really sure why I’m so
worried about all this. The world can’t possibly be out to get me
the way I think it is. I force myself to get through the day,
keeping my head down and avoiding Amanda at all costs before I can
escape to work.
I always think that the closer to the winter
holidays it gets, the more people will be driven to buy used books.
It never works that way though. No matter how crazy the shopping
frenzy gets, people never feel the desire to buy an obscene number
of new and used books. I guess people just aren’t as bookwormish as
I am, or they’re less broke and more technologically advanced than
me and have moved onto e-readers. I hate thinking paper books are
going to be a thing of the past. Not that I have anything against
ebooks. In fact, I think they’re a lot more convenient and in some
cases, a lot more fun. I just like the atmosphere books create.
They make a space safe. They smell like comfort and rainy days and
cups of coffee. Still, even with all these book benefits, people
don’t feel the need to buy them in bulk. Which all helps to make
the point that, regardless of what people are buying in the rest of
retail world, my store stays empty.
As much as I need to talk to
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