simple smile.
“Are you smiling, Fallon?” he asked.
“No,” she lied.
“Can I see?”
“No.”
“If I can’t have a look, I have to presume that you’re smiling.”
“I don’t smile.”
“If you don’t, it’s a pity, because you have the most beautiful smile in the world.”
She raised her head to look at him. “Flattery’s not going to get you to the top of the stairs, James, if that’s what you’re trying to do here.”
“I didn’t think it would. And so you’ll know, Fallon, I won’t take one step up those stairs unless you want me to. The only thing that will get me to the top will be your invitation, and you have my word on that.”
“Thank you,” she whispered.
“It’s not what I want, and you know that.” Instinctively, he reached out, placed his fingers gently under her chin and raised her face to him even more. “I love you, and it’s not going to be easy on me living here, knowing that you won’t have me. But I’ll respect your wishes. And your boundaries. Even if I don’t agree with them.”
“Thank you,” she said again, fighting the urge to cry. He was so kind and good, and so…chivalrous. In time, after she’d pushed him away enough, he would realize he didn’t want her any more. But for now he was being aperfect gentleman. Yet, God willing, if she could push hard enough, it would wear thin on him. Pray that day came quickly because, try as she may, she would slip. Sooner or later, she’d give in to that smile, to those twinkling eyes. Then she’d tell him her awful secret. And hurt him in ways she couldn’t even imagine. “Look, I was about to fix myself a cup of tea. Would you care to join me?”
“Are you sure you want me here?” he asked, quite seriously. “I know you asked because that’s just the thing you’d do. But do you really want me… us —here?”
“I wasn’t sure about it when I asked you, and nothing’s changed. But I’m not going back on my invitation. Tyler needs something other than a hotel room, and—”
“This arrangement is only about Tyler?” he asked, trying to sound neutral.
But Fallon heard no neutrality there…only hope, as she looked him square in the eye. “This is only about Tyler. I know what it’s like to be…abandoned. That’s what happened to me. My mother had me, didn’t want me, passed me off to anybody who wanted to be charitable for a while and take me in. So I know why he needs stability, especially for Christmas.”
“I’m so sorry, Fallon,” he whispered, reaching out to stroke her cheek. “I didn’t know that about you. You’d never told me, and you should have.”
So many things she hadn’t told him. She lurched back. “Don’t do that, James. I just…I just can’t deal with it.” For a moment, she thought about taking his single room at the lodge. Shutting herself in with the microwave and mini-fridge. It wouldn’t be so bad for a while, and she wouldn’t have to deal with this. But James needed help with Tyler, and part of having them live there was that help. Truth was, she wanted to help. Tyler really did need that stability. “Look, I think I’m going to go upstairs fora while. Help yourself to anything you need, feel free to make yourself at home, kick around, open cupboards, get yourself familiar with what’s here. Shout if you need something you can’t find.”
“I’m not sorry I touched you, Fallon. I’ll respect the boundaries from now on, like I promised, but I’m not sorry.”
“You’re going to make this difficult for me, aren’t you?”
“It’s not my intention. But you know what? It’s difficult on me, too. You know how I feel about you, but what you don’t know is how I feel every time you push me away. It’s killing me.”
She thrust her hand to stop him. “Don’t!” she said. “Don’t tell me. Don’t tell me…anything, because I don’t want to know.” Miserably, she already knew, but what James didn’t fathom was how each time she
“Are you smiling, Fallon?” he asked.
“No,” she lied.
“Can I see?”
“No.”
“If I can’t have a look, I have to presume that you’re smiling.”
“I don’t smile.”
“If you don’t, it’s a pity, because you have the most beautiful smile in the world.”
She raised her head to look at him. “Flattery’s not going to get you to the top of the stairs, James, if that’s what you’re trying to do here.”
“I didn’t think it would. And so you’ll know, Fallon, I won’t take one step up those stairs unless you want me to. The only thing that will get me to the top will be your invitation, and you have my word on that.”
“Thank you,” she whispered.
“It’s not what I want, and you know that.” Instinctively, he reached out, placed his fingers gently under her chin and raised her face to him even more. “I love you, and it’s not going to be easy on me living here, knowing that you won’t have me. But I’ll respect your wishes. And your boundaries. Even if I don’t agree with them.”
“Thank you,” she said again, fighting the urge to cry. He was so kind and good, and so…chivalrous. In time, after she’d pushed him away enough, he would realize he didn’t want her any more. But for now he was being aperfect gentleman. Yet, God willing, if she could push hard enough, it would wear thin on him. Pray that day came quickly because, try as she may, she would slip. Sooner or later, she’d give in to that smile, to those twinkling eyes. Then she’d tell him her awful secret. And hurt him in ways she couldn’t even imagine. “Look, I was about to fix myself a cup of tea. Would you care to join me?”
“Are you sure you want me here?” he asked, quite seriously. “I know you asked because that’s just the thing you’d do. But do you really want me… us —here?”
“I wasn’t sure about it when I asked you, and nothing’s changed. But I’m not going back on my invitation. Tyler needs something other than a hotel room, and—”
“This arrangement is only about Tyler?” he asked, trying to sound neutral.
But Fallon heard no neutrality there…only hope, as she looked him square in the eye. “This is only about Tyler. I know what it’s like to be…abandoned. That’s what happened to me. My mother had me, didn’t want me, passed me off to anybody who wanted to be charitable for a while and take me in. So I know why he needs stability, especially for Christmas.”
“I’m so sorry, Fallon,” he whispered, reaching out to stroke her cheek. “I didn’t know that about you. You’d never told me, and you should have.”
So many things she hadn’t told him. She lurched back. “Don’t do that, James. I just…I just can’t deal with it.” For a moment, she thought about taking his single room at the lodge. Shutting herself in with the microwave and mini-fridge. It wouldn’t be so bad for a while, and she wouldn’t have to deal with this. But James needed help with Tyler, and part of having them live there was that help. Truth was, she wanted to help. Tyler really did need that stability. “Look, I think I’m going to go upstairs fora while. Help yourself to anything you need, feel free to make yourself at home, kick around, open cupboards, get yourself familiar with what’s here. Shout if you need something you can’t find.”
“I’m not sorry I touched you, Fallon. I’ll respect the boundaries from now on, like I promised, but I’m not sorry.”
“You’re going to make this difficult for me, aren’t you?”
“It’s not my intention. But you know what? It’s difficult on me, too. You know how I feel about you, but what you don’t know is how I feel every time you push me away. It’s killing me.”
She thrust her hand to stop him. “Don’t!” she said. “Don’t tell me. Don’t tell me…anything, because I don’t want to know.” Miserably, she already knew, but what James didn’t fathom was how each time she
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