pause.
“What about Allie?”
The pit grew in my stomach. “I’m her mom; that not’s going to change. I want joint custody of her. I’m signing a lease for a small house near the school, so she’ll have somewhere to stay when I have her.”
“You rented a house already?”
“I’m moving in at the end of next month.”
“Well hell, Jaime, what else should I know about?”
“Lots of things, but none of them matter to you.” I stood up to leave, but he caught my hand.
“Jaimes, I’m trying to make up for what happened on our anniversary.”
“You don’t get it. I don’t want fancy trips. I love you, Chris. I’ve always loved you, but I can’t do this anymore.”
“I need you.” His eyes pleaded with me.
“I know. The problem is, you never wanted me.”
He hung his head and stared down at his grandmother’s ring.
“Next time, make sure you give that to someone you really love.” I walked off to call my attorney to let him know to proceed. Chris was served divorce papers the following week. And his five-hundred-dollar-an-hour lawyer had done his best to slow down the process ever since.
We spent those last few weeks together in a mostly silent abyss.
Now here I was, staring at my old life, the life I thought I wanted.
“Chris,” I whispered and squeezed his hand, “Why couldn’t you love me?”
Chapter Four
I fell into a fitful sleep holding onto his hand near his bedside. I woke up with a start. I swore I heard him call my name, but when my eyes came into focus, I could see he was still unconscious. I looked at the time, it was only four in the morning. I pulled my knees up to my chest and rested my head on them. My mind wandered back to his first year of graduate school at Duke.
We’d missed each other again in passing. I had come home to start school after four years of traveling just as he was leaving for North Carolina. He hadn’t been gone a month when I got a phone call from him. I could hear the loneliness in his voice, and some homesickness. He wouldn’t admit it.
He got a C on some big test, and it had floored him. He was a straight-A student, and a perfectionist. I think it finally hit him that he was now a little fish in a big pond. He didn’t ask me to come, but I was always up for a road trip. I skipped classes on Friday and drove the eight hours to surprise him. He lived in an apartment with a couple of other guys, but I stayed with him anyway. It’s not like I could have afforded a hotel, and besides, we never left each other’s side. I brought all of our favorite movies and made caramel popcorn. That first night, we stayed curled up together on his couch. We hardly said a word to each other, only our presence was needed. I remembered him squeezing my hand repeatedly, as if he was checking to make sure I was really there. It had been a while since we had seen each other, though we emailed every day. I still hadn’t gotten a cell phone and he always teased me about it.
I remembered resting my head on his shoulder that night, wishing he would kiss me. We had both recently broken up with someone else, and it seemed like the perfect time. I had almost kissed him, but I had too much girl in me at that point to be so forward. I wanted him to make the first move. I couldn’t stand the thought of being rejected by him.
I grabbed his journal to see if he had any thoughts about that weekend. I wondered if it even registered on his radar. I flipped through page after page. I noticed some of his pages had several days on them, like he had only written a line or two about the day’s events. I caught a passage about Bianca as I was flipping through. They met while undergrads at the University of Tennessee. She was a couple of years older than us.
It was dated a few days before my visit to North Carolina.
Bianca called, she thinks maybe we should give ourselves a second chance.
I didn’t know they had dated during their time at UT. I couldn’t think about it right
“What about Allie?”
The pit grew in my stomach. “I’m her mom; that not’s going to change. I want joint custody of her. I’m signing a lease for a small house near the school, so she’ll have somewhere to stay when I have her.”
“You rented a house already?”
“I’m moving in at the end of next month.”
“Well hell, Jaime, what else should I know about?”
“Lots of things, but none of them matter to you.” I stood up to leave, but he caught my hand.
“Jaimes, I’m trying to make up for what happened on our anniversary.”
“You don’t get it. I don’t want fancy trips. I love you, Chris. I’ve always loved you, but I can’t do this anymore.”
“I need you.” His eyes pleaded with me.
“I know. The problem is, you never wanted me.”
He hung his head and stared down at his grandmother’s ring.
“Next time, make sure you give that to someone you really love.” I walked off to call my attorney to let him know to proceed. Chris was served divorce papers the following week. And his five-hundred-dollar-an-hour lawyer had done his best to slow down the process ever since.
We spent those last few weeks together in a mostly silent abyss.
Now here I was, staring at my old life, the life I thought I wanted.
“Chris,” I whispered and squeezed his hand, “Why couldn’t you love me?”
Chapter Four
I fell into a fitful sleep holding onto his hand near his bedside. I woke up with a start. I swore I heard him call my name, but when my eyes came into focus, I could see he was still unconscious. I looked at the time, it was only four in the morning. I pulled my knees up to my chest and rested my head on them. My mind wandered back to his first year of graduate school at Duke.
We’d missed each other again in passing. I had come home to start school after four years of traveling just as he was leaving for North Carolina. He hadn’t been gone a month when I got a phone call from him. I could hear the loneliness in his voice, and some homesickness. He wouldn’t admit it.
He got a C on some big test, and it had floored him. He was a straight-A student, and a perfectionist. I think it finally hit him that he was now a little fish in a big pond. He didn’t ask me to come, but I was always up for a road trip. I skipped classes on Friday and drove the eight hours to surprise him. He lived in an apartment with a couple of other guys, but I stayed with him anyway. It’s not like I could have afforded a hotel, and besides, we never left each other’s side. I brought all of our favorite movies and made caramel popcorn. That first night, we stayed curled up together on his couch. We hardly said a word to each other, only our presence was needed. I remembered him squeezing my hand repeatedly, as if he was checking to make sure I was really there. It had been a while since we had seen each other, though we emailed every day. I still hadn’t gotten a cell phone and he always teased me about it.
I remembered resting my head on his shoulder that night, wishing he would kiss me. We had both recently broken up with someone else, and it seemed like the perfect time. I had almost kissed him, but I had too much girl in me at that point to be so forward. I wanted him to make the first move. I couldn’t stand the thought of being rejected by him.
I grabbed his journal to see if he had any thoughts about that weekend. I wondered if it even registered on his radar. I flipped through page after page. I noticed some of his pages had several days on them, like he had only written a line or two about the day’s events. I caught a passage about Bianca as I was flipping through. They met while undergrads at the University of Tennessee. She was a couple of years older than us.
It was dated a few days before my visit to North Carolina.
Bianca called, she thinks maybe we should give ourselves a second chance.
I didn’t know they had dated during their time at UT. I couldn’t think about it right
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