Mark’s shout didn’t make me feel any better. The boys’ feet pounded on the steps as they ascended them. Damn . I shushed Christian some more and turned on his Baby Einstein playlist of ocean sounds, hoping that would drown out any more noises from downstairs. I took his blanket and pulled it up to his chin before leaning down and kissing his chubby cheeks.
“Don’t worry, Chris. I’m going to fix this. I promise. No worries.”
Christian sucked his pacifier and looked up at me with a look of absolute trust. It must’ve been nice being a baby. Nobody was going to hurt you, and everyone was just another potential friend. I turned on his crib light, which was a little moving jungle thing that emitted a soft glow of green, blue, pink, and yellow in regular intervals that we used as a night light, before turning on the baby monitor and turning off the overhead light. I stood at the entrance to Christian’s baby room and longed for the moment to last just a few seconds longer. In there was safety, soft blankets, and warm smiles. Out there was Jason. I may have been whipped to think it, but I would choose his brooding ass every time.
“Night night, baby,” I whispered into the room before shutting the door. I turned around and saw Danny and Dean leaning over the railing, obviously eavesdropping on the conversation going on downstairs, or at least trying to. There was nothing to hear but mumbled voices. They must’ve migrated to the kitchen.
“Damn. I can’t hear shit,” Danny whispered.
“Me neither. What did Jason do now?” Dean asked, looking at me for answers. I didn’t want to give them.
“I dunno. Just back off. I’m going to go find out. You guys go play Xbox or something.” I stepped around Dean and took to the stairs.
“Want us to come with?” Dean called after.
I shook my head and paused to look back at him. “He’s my boyfriend, my responsibility. Just let me deal. Okay?”
“Okay, man.” Dean grabbed a very curious-looking Danny and dragged him toward his room. I breathed a silent sigh of relief. At least Dean didn’t pry.
I walked into the kitchen less than a minute afterward and was surprised to find Jason still there. He looked furious, red-faced, and utterly immoveable. That sneer he wore when he said something nasty was frozen on his lips, but at least he hadn’t stormed out yet.
Uncle Charlie raised his eyes to me. “Tommy, we’ll talk to you in a bit. We’re talking to Jason right now.”
“Whatever you say to him, you can say in front of me,” I said sternly. I wasn’t about to leave Jason alone.
Uncle Charlie’s gaze narrowed. “You know better than that. Our problem is with Jason and his behavior lately. You have nothing to do with this conversation.”
“I’m his boyfriend.”
“I don’t care if you’re his spiritual guru. You are not his keeper.” Uncle Charlie’s voice allowed no room for argument. He pointed to his bedroom door on the other side of the kitchen. “Go to your room. Now.”
I balled my hands into fists at my sides, furious at being denied the opportunity to defend my boyfriend. I wanted to hit something, hard.
“Are we going to have a problem, Tommy?” Uncle Mark asked. He motioned to my clenched fists. “I know you’re not thinking about hitting somebody. Your momma would beat you senseless. She taught you better than that.”
Pain lacerated my heart. Why did everyone use her as a weapon against me? She was dead. Why wouldn’t they let her stay that way? “I wouldn’t.”
Uncle Mark nodded, and his expression softened. “I know, Tommy. You’re a good boy. Go to your room.”
“You know, you people use guilt like a damn guillotine,” Jason sneered. “Everyone in this family does it. No wonder y’all are so stuck on being good.”
“Jason, that’s enough,” Uncle Charlie said. “Tommy. Go.”
I did. I slinked away and shut the wooden door quietly behind me. I looked at the still-unopened boxes of my old life and
“Don’t worry, Chris. I’m going to fix this. I promise. No worries.”
Christian sucked his pacifier and looked up at me with a look of absolute trust. It must’ve been nice being a baby. Nobody was going to hurt you, and everyone was just another potential friend. I turned on his crib light, which was a little moving jungle thing that emitted a soft glow of green, blue, pink, and yellow in regular intervals that we used as a night light, before turning on the baby monitor and turning off the overhead light. I stood at the entrance to Christian’s baby room and longed for the moment to last just a few seconds longer. In there was safety, soft blankets, and warm smiles. Out there was Jason. I may have been whipped to think it, but I would choose his brooding ass every time.
“Night night, baby,” I whispered into the room before shutting the door. I turned around and saw Danny and Dean leaning over the railing, obviously eavesdropping on the conversation going on downstairs, or at least trying to. There was nothing to hear but mumbled voices. They must’ve migrated to the kitchen.
“Damn. I can’t hear shit,” Danny whispered.
“Me neither. What did Jason do now?” Dean asked, looking at me for answers. I didn’t want to give them.
“I dunno. Just back off. I’m going to go find out. You guys go play Xbox or something.” I stepped around Dean and took to the stairs.
“Want us to come with?” Dean called after.
I shook my head and paused to look back at him. “He’s my boyfriend, my responsibility. Just let me deal. Okay?”
“Okay, man.” Dean grabbed a very curious-looking Danny and dragged him toward his room. I breathed a silent sigh of relief. At least Dean didn’t pry.
I walked into the kitchen less than a minute afterward and was surprised to find Jason still there. He looked furious, red-faced, and utterly immoveable. That sneer he wore when he said something nasty was frozen on his lips, but at least he hadn’t stormed out yet.
Uncle Charlie raised his eyes to me. “Tommy, we’ll talk to you in a bit. We’re talking to Jason right now.”
“Whatever you say to him, you can say in front of me,” I said sternly. I wasn’t about to leave Jason alone.
Uncle Charlie’s gaze narrowed. “You know better than that. Our problem is with Jason and his behavior lately. You have nothing to do with this conversation.”
“I’m his boyfriend.”
“I don’t care if you’re his spiritual guru. You are not his keeper.” Uncle Charlie’s voice allowed no room for argument. He pointed to his bedroom door on the other side of the kitchen. “Go to your room. Now.”
I balled my hands into fists at my sides, furious at being denied the opportunity to defend my boyfriend. I wanted to hit something, hard.
“Are we going to have a problem, Tommy?” Uncle Mark asked. He motioned to my clenched fists. “I know you’re not thinking about hitting somebody. Your momma would beat you senseless. She taught you better than that.”
Pain lacerated my heart. Why did everyone use her as a weapon against me? She was dead. Why wouldn’t they let her stay that way? “I wouldn’t.”
Uncle Mark nodded, and his expression softened. “I know, Tommy. You’re a good boy. Go to your room.”
“You know, you people use guilt like a damn guillotine,” Jason sneered. “Everyone in this family does it. No wonder y’all are so stuck on being good.”
“Jason, that’s enough,” Uncle Charlie said. “Tommy. Go.”
I did. I slinked away and shut the wooden door quietly behind me. I looked at the still-unopened boxes of my old life and
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