felt the weight of them settle on my chest. I missed my mom. I wanted her to tell me what to do, what to feel, how to go on. Jason was so complicated. I was lost in how to make him better, how to help him.
I crossed to the bed and flopped down on the mattress, hugging my pillow, burrowing my face in the soft cushion like a little kid. I shut my eyes and concentrated on breathing. If Uncle Charlie and Uncle Mark didn’t back off, Jason was going to snap. If they’d just let me deal with him, I could calm him down, bring him back to his normal self.
“We’re not asking you to tell us everything that is going on in your life. We’re not even asking you what you went through to get to this point, but we’re asking you to talk to someone. This isn’t like you, and we can’t help you if you don’t let us,” Uncle Mark said from the kitchen. I held my breath, waiting on Jason’s answer.
“I’m not talking to some child-shrink, Mark. There is nothing wrong with me. I like to drink, and I like to fuck, and I like to do what I want to do when I want to do it. I just don’t like your rules, and if you don’t like it, you can bite my ass,” Jason drawled, that nasty grin in his voice. Shit. Please, stop, Jason .
There was a long pause from my uncles. I was surprised that it was Uncle Charlie who laid down the ultimatum. “Jason, you really think if you shove that chip on your shoulder in our faces that we can’t see you? You’re scared, and you’re hurting, and we’re probably the only people other than Tommy who give a shit. We want to help you, and we want to make you family, but you have to decide to be our family. Either you go to counseling and learn how to be a part of this family or, as much as it will break our hearts, you will leave. You have until tomorrow to decide what you want to do.” My stomach roiled.
“Yeah?” That word was deadly. “I don’t need time to decide anything. I’m out of here.” The scrape of the kitchen chair against the linoleum had me rolling to my feet and striding across my bedroom to throw open the door.
“Jason, wait!” I shouted, nearly tripping over myself to catch him before he took off out the back door. My uncles shot me identical looks of pity, but I ignored them. I couldn’t let him walk out, couldn’t let him leave. He made it to the second step before I caught up with him.
Without thinking, I grabbed his shoulders and hauled him backward, knocking our balances off so that we both crashed to the deck in a tangle of limbs.
“Get off me!” he snarled, thrashing like a trout on the end of a fishing line. My beautiful drunk boyfriend had hatred etched in stark lines in the dim light of the porch lamp. “You don’t get to stop me, Tommy! They don’t want me. Back the fuck off!”
“ I want you!” I screamed, shaking him hard in an effort to get him to understand. “They don’t understand. God, Jason, you’re drunk. Why not wait until tomorrow? Everything is so intense right now. Please, baby, please. Give this a chance.” I knew he didn’t need much of a reason to bolt, but I also knew he had nowhere to go. Ugly triumph welled up inside me. I was the only option he had. He wouldn’t go back home. He had to stay.
I didn’t expect to hear defeat in Jason’s voice. “I’m done,” he whispered softly. “I’m tired, Tommy. I’m really tired. I can’t fight anymore. Just let me go. Please.” Tears glittered in his eyes. “I can’t be real. It hurts too much.”
What did that mean? What did those impossible sentences mean? I can’t be real. It hurts too much . I kissed him then because I couldn’t do anything else. There on the cold deck I ravaged his mouth, demanding that he respond to me, to be “real” with me in this last moment. He broke the kiss first, and we just stared at one another, wanting to go farther because we didn’t know if we would ever get to do it again.
He swallowed and pushed on my shoulders, and I obliged him
I crossed to the bed and flopped down on the mattress, hugging my pillow, burrowing my face in the soft cushion like a little kid. I shut my eyes and concentrated on breathing. If Uncle Charlie and Uncle Mark didn’t back off, Jason was going to snap. If they’d just let me deal with him, I could calm him down, bring him back to his normal self.
“We’re not asking you to tell us everything that is going on in your life. We’re not even asking you what you went through to get to this point, but we’re asking you to talk to someone. This isn’t like you, and we can’t help you if you don’t let us,” Uncle Mark said from the kitchen. I held my breath, waiting on Jason’s answer.
“I’m not talking to some child-shrink, Mark. There is nothing wrong with me. I like to drink, and I like to fuck, and I like to do what I want to do when I want to do it. I just don’t like your rules, and if you don’t like it, you can bite my ass,” Jason drawled, that nasty grin in his voice. Shit. Please, stop, Jason .
There was a long pause from my uncles. I was surprised that it was Uncle Charlie who laid down the ultimatum. “Jason, you really think if you shove that chip on your shoulder in our faces that we can’t see you? You’re scared, and you’re hurting, and we’re probably the only people other than Tommy who give a shit. We want to help you, and we want to make you family, but you have to decide to be our family. Either you go to counseling and learn how to be a part of this family or, as much as it will break our hearts, you will leave. You have until tomorrow to decide what you want to do.” My stomach roiled.
“Yeah?” That word was deadly. “I don’t need time to decide anything. I’m out of here.” The scrape of the kitchen chair against the linoleum had me rolling to my feet and striding across my bedroom to throw open the door.
“Jason, wait!” I shouted, nearly tripping over myself to catch him before he took off out the back door. My uncles shot me identical looks of pity, but I ignored them. I couldn’t let him walk out, couldn’t let him leave. He made it to the second step before I caught up with him.
Without thinking, I grabbed his shoulders and hauled him backward, knocking our balances off so that we both crashed to the deck in a tangle of limbs.
“Get off me!” he snarled, thrashing like a trout on the end of a fishing line. My beautiful drunk boyfriend had hatred etched in stark lines in the dim light of the porch lamp. “You don’t get to stop me, Tommy! They don’t want me. Back the fuck off!”
“ I want you!” I screamed, shaking him hard in an effort to get him to understand. “They don’t understand. God, Jason, you’re drunk. Why not wait until tomorrow? Everything is so intense right now. Please, baby, please. Give this a chance.” I knew he didn’t need much of a reason to bolt, but I also knew he had nowhere to go. Ugly triumph welled up inside me. I was the only option he had. He wouldn’t go back home. He had to stay.
I didn’t expect to hear defeat in Jason’s voice. “I’m done,” he whispered softly. “I’m tired, Tommy. I’m really tired. I can’t fight anymore. Just let me go. Please.” Tears glittered in his eyes. “I can’t be real. It hurts too much.”
What did that mean? What did those impossible sentences mean? I can’t be real. It hurts too much . I kissed him then because I couldn’t do anything else. There on the cold deck I ravaged his mouth, demanding that he respond to me, to be “real” with me in this last moment. He broke the kiss first, and we just stared at one another, wanting to go farther because we didn’t know if we would ever get to do it again.
He swallowed and pushed on my shoulders, and I obliged him
Similar Books
