Coincidences by Maria Savva

Rita. ‘When were you planning to tell her?’
    ‘I don’t know if I was. I hadn’t
really thought about it. After Roger left, Alice was all I had. He obviously
didn’t want her. I was the one who cared for her. It was an agreement. Alice
was my child—mine and Roger’s. Anything else is too complicated.’
    ‘Look at it from her perspective. If it was you , wouldn’t you want to know?’
    ‘She doesn’t need to know.
Anyway, I could never find the right time to say anything. She’d been rejected
by her father at such a young age, I just couldn’t bring myself to tell her. I
came close a few times, but what was I supposed to say? “By the way, I’m not
your real mother”? I couldn’t do it to her. As time went by and I never heard
anything from Roger—or Miranda for that matter—it became less important. As far
as I am concerned, she’s my daughter and I’m her mum. Miranda never wanted her.
It was a surrogacy agreement, that’s all. It wasn’t my fault I couldn’t have
children.’
    ‘Steph, Alice knows you’re the
one who brought her up. She’ll understand. I think she should be told,’ said
Rita. ‘These things should be out in the open, or they could cause problems.’
    ‘But, Rita, I’m the one who
raised Alice. I don’t want her to end up seeing me as a stranger. I couldn’t
cope with that.’
    ‘Look, let’s meet up tomorrow
and talk about it. We can’t discuss something like this over the phone. You
sound upset.’
    ‘I’m okay.’ Stephanie took a
tissue from the box on the coffee table in front of her and held it against her
nose. ‘Meeting tomorrow would be a good idea. I’m glad we met again. I don’t
think I could do something like this on my own.’
    ‘Shall I come to your house?’
    ‘Yes,’ said Stephanie.
    After the telephone
conversation, Stephanie mused that although she hadn’t spoken to Rita for
nearly twenty years, she had been able to talk to her as if they’d never lost
touch. It calmed her nerves to know that she would not have to make any
decisions on her own, although she felt slightly concerned that Rita seemed to
be pushing her to tell Alice everything. In her heart of hearts she did not
feel that she was ready. She remembered the feeling she’d had years ago, when
she had been sitting in a helicopter, harnessed to an instructor, ready for a
skydive. Roger had booked the experience for her as a gift for her birthday. That
had been a time when she was younger and willing to try new things. Even then,
when it was time to jump from the plane she didn’t feel ready; she wanted to
change her mind and call it off, but suddenly she was out there floating high
above the ground, miles from anywhere. It felt the same now, as if she was on a
precipice of sorts. But if she took the chance and revealed all, would this be
a safe landing or a crash landing?
    She walked back into the kitchen
and picked up the photographs that were still lying on the table. She put them
back into the old shoe-box, where they had been hidden for years, and decided
to keep them out of sight.

 
     
    Chapter Five
    Friday 15th August 1997
     
    When she woke up, Stephanie felt tired. Her night had
been one of tossing and turning; not only physically, but also mentally. She
had been thinking about her conversations with Alice and Rita. She could hear
Rita’s voice in her head: ‘She’s entitled to know... She should be told’ .
But Stephanie still felt reluctant to tell Alice about the surrogacy agreement.
One thing was certain, Alice had made the decision to try to find her father,
so the problem wouldn’t just go away. Stephanie was racking her brain to try to
find a way to explain things to Alice without revealing too much.
    It felt as if she was excavating
a tomb that she had hoped would stay buried for ever.
    She recalled how when she was
still married to Roger, when they were agreeing the surrogacy with Miranda,
they had both said that when Alice was old enough they would tell