chocolate ice cream left in my freezer, scooped up my laptop and headed for the couch. I didn't even have the energy to change my clothes. I figured I'd just fall asleep in what I was wearing, chocolate ice cream smeared all over my face, my Netflix playlist on infinite-loop until everything that I had felt that night, everything that I had become here in Portland would just vanish away.
I never did get that infinite Netflix playlist started.
There was a knock at the door. My heart jumped.
This time, he didn't wait to speak.
“Sarah, please come talk to me. I was looking for you at the office party.”
This was the straw that broke the camels back.
I couldn't take it any longer.
I screamed.
I screamed so loudly that my voice cracked halfway through, but I kept on screaming. I screamed to get him to go away. I screamed to alert the neighbors. I screamed to get the embarrassment of the office party off my chest. I screamed for what my ex had done, and I screamed for what my Portland dream had become.
“Christ, Sarah! I am not here to hurt you. I just want to talk about what's going on.”
“I swear to God Aiden, I'm going to call the cops right now.”
I ran over to where I had left my cell phone on the kitchen counter.
He yelled through the door, “Now please, Sarah, I don't even know what's going on.”
“You know exactly what's going on, you bastard.”
“What? I honestly don't know what's going on. You never return my calls or texts. All I know is we had a great weekend and then you just disappeared off the face of the earth. I realize that we aren’t a thing , but Christ, I just want to know what happened.”
“You know exactly what happened.”
“Honestly, I really don't know what's going on here. Please, whatever it is that I did, please let me make it up to you.”
“You can make it up to your precious little Lizzy you son of a bitch. Leave me out of it.”
“What?”
“You heard me. Your precious little burlesque bitch. Why don’t you go bang on her door you pervert.”
“Whoa, hold on a second. I don't think you know what you're saying.”
This offended me so deeply. I ran to my door and started banging on it, cursing his name, saying incomprehensible things until I ran out of steam. My arms gave out and my voice was soar.
“Jesus Sarah, I — I still don't know what you're talking about.”
“Let me explain it to you loud and clear so you can get it through your thick head. Fuck you, fuck Lizzy, and fuck Peyton, and fuck all of your stupid little games. You think this is some kind of joke? You think we are still in high school or something you arogant prick? This isn’t a fucking game — this is my life. You're all just a bunch of sick bastards.”
I was so angry I could barely keep myself under control. I wanted to fight him, to physically punch him in the face.
No reply came from the other side of the door. I thought it might be over.
“Wait, are you saying that you think Lizzy and I, the Lizzy from work, are sleeping together?”
“I know you guys are sleeping together. I saw your text. You sent it to the wrong phone Einstein.”
I heard a long sigh come from the other side of the door.
“It all makes sense now,” he said.
I had nothing left to say and I certainly didn’t want to hear anything else from him. It was time to get this man out of my life for good.
I dialed nine, then one, then one and was just about to hit the call button when I heard him leaning against the door.
I heard his body slip slowly down until it stopped at the bottom of my door-well.
I could barely hear what he said next.
“It’s now what you think,” his voice was almost empty.
I was out of energy for yelling, so I replied in a soft voice as well.
“How could it not be what I think?”
“Lizzy is not my girlfriend, not the Lizzy you are talking about. I don’t even know her. I barely know Peyton, she just thinks we are friends because I treat her with some common decency when
I never did get that infinite Netflix playlist started.
There was a knock at the door. My heart jumped.
This time, he didn't wait to speak.
“Sarah, please come talk to me. I was looking for you at the office party.”
This was the straw that broke the camels back.
I couldn't take it any longer.
I screamed.
I screamed so loudly that my voice cracked halfway through, but I kept on screaming. I screamed to get him to go away. I screamed to alert the neighbors. I screamed to get the embarrassment of the office party off my chest. I screamed for what my ex had done, and I screamed for what my Portland dream had become.
“Christ, Sarah! I am not here to hurt you. I just want to talk about what's going on.”
“I swear to God Aiden, I'm going to call the cops right now.”
I ran over to where I had left my cell phone on the kitchen counter.
He yelled through the door, “Now please, Sarah, I don't even know what's going on.”
“You know exactly what's going on, you bastard.”
“What? I honestly don't know what's going on. You never return my calls or texts. All I know is we had a great weekend and then you just disappeared off the face of the earth. I realize that we aren’t a thing , but Christ, I just want to know what happened.”
“You know exactly what happened.”
“Honestly, I really don't know what's going on here. Please, whatever it is that I did, please let me make it up to you.”
“You can make it up to your precious little Lizzy you son of a bitch. Leave me out of it.”
“What?”
“You heard me. Your precious little burlesque bitch. Why don’t you go bang on her door you pervert.”
“Whoa, hold on a second. I don't think you know what you're saying.”
This offended me so deeply. I ran to my door and started banging on it, cursing his name, saying incomprehensible things until I ran out of steam. My arms gave out and my voice was soar.
“Jesus Sarah, I — I still don't know what you're talking about.”
“Let me explain it to you loud and clear so you can get it through your thick head. Fuck you, fuck Lizzy, and fuck Peyton, and fuck all of your stupid little games. You think this is some kind of joke? You think we are still in high school or something you arogant prick? This isn’t a fucking game — this is my life. You're all just a bunch of sick bastards.”
I was so angry I could barely keep myself under control. I wanted to fight him, to physically punch him in the face.
No reply came from the other side of the door. I thought it might be over.
“Wait, are you saying that you think Lizzy and I, the Lizzy from work, are sleeping together?”
“I know you guys are sleeping together. I saw your text. You sent it to the wrong phone Einstein.”
I heard a long sigh come from the other side of the door.
“It all makes sense now,” he said.
I had nothing left to say and I certainly didn’t want to hear anything else from him. It was time to get this man out of my life for good.
I dialed nine, then one, then one and was just about to hit the call button when I heard him leaning against the door.
I heard his body slip slowly down until it stopped at the bottom of my door-well.
I could barely hear what he said next.
“It’s now what you think,” his voice was almost empty.
I was out of energy for yelling, so I replied in a soft voice as well.
“How could it not be what I think?”
“Lizzy is not my girlfriend, not the Lizzy you are talking about. I don’t even know her. I barely know Peyton, she just thinks we are friends because I treat her with some common decency when
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