Coming Through Slaughter by Michael Ondaatje

between water and sky. There can be either the narrow focus of the eye or the crazy chaos of white, that is the eyes wide, wishing to burn them out till they are stones.
    In the late afternoon I walk back along the shore to the small house and it is against me dark and shaded. Robin and her friends. I am full of the white privacy. Collisions around me. Eyes clogged with people. Yesterday Robin in the midst of an argument flicked some cream on my face. Without thinking I jumped up grabbing the first thing, a jug full of milk, and threw it all over her. She stood by the kitchen door half laughing half crying at what I had done. She stood there frozen in a hunch she took on as she saw the milk coming at her. Milk all over her soft lost beautiful brown face. I stood watching her, the lip of the jug dribbling the rest onto the floor.
    Jaelin and the others in the room silent. I very gently placed the jug on the table, such a careful gesture for I wanted her to see I was empty of all the tension. Then getting one of the big towels and placing it over her wet shirt. And then like a wise coward leaving the house till late evening when they had all gone to bed. When I got back she was still in the living room, almost asleep in the armchair.
    Let’s go for a swim. I want to get the milk out of my hair.
    I’m sorry, try and forget it.
    No I won’t forget it, Buddy, but I know you’re sorry.
    Well it’s just as well it happened.
    Yeah, you’ll be better for a few days. But which window are you going to break next, which chair.
    Don’t talk Robin.
    You expect to come back and for me to say nothing? With Jaelin here?
    Look you’re either Jaelin’s wife or my wife.
    I’m Jaelin’s wife and I’m in love with you, there’s nothing simple.
    Well it should be.
    How do you think he feels. He said nothing, even when you went out. Do you really expect me to say nothing.
    Yes. I’m sorry, you know that.
    Ok … let’s swim Buddy.
    She grins. And there is my grin which is my loudest scream ever.
    In the water like soft glass. We slide in slowly leaving our clothes by the large stone. Heads skimming along the surface.
    As long as I don’t hurt you or Jaelin.
    As long as I don’t hurt you or Jaelin she mimics. Then beginning to imitate loons and swimming deeper, her head sliding away from me. Below our heads all the evil dark swimming creatures are waiting to brush us into nightmare into heart attack to suck us under into the darkness into the complications. Her loon laugh. The dull star of white water under each of us. Swimming towards the sound of madness.
    See Tom Pickett.
    Why?
    Cos he, cos Buddy cut him up.
    Why Pickett?
    Go ask him.
    Where’ll I find him?
    Don’t know.
    Tell me , Cornish.
    Try Chinatown. Opium.
    Was that why?
    No.
    Ok I’ll find him.
    Then as Webb is almost out of the door, Cornish saying
    Listen what he’ll tell you is true. I saw his face afterwards. You won’t believe it but it’s true.
    Thanks Willy.
    After a day he found Pickett in the room of flies. The air damp and thick. He had to practically sweep the flies off his face and hair.
    Don’t kill one you bastard or you’ll be out, in fact get out’f here, willya.
    What the fuck is all this. Not the dope but this mess. The flies.
    I invite them in, ok? If you don’t like it get out.
    Cornish wouldn’t know about this or Cornish would have told him. Cornish would never come here. Webb could hardly breathe without one going in his nose or into his mouth. Early evening and the windows closed, no breeze, just Tom Pickett and open food on plates around the room.
    You’re the first to come here since I started. Don’t tell others.
    I came to talk about Buddy.
    I guessed. That’s what everyone wants to talk about.
    Pickett lying on the floor bed while Webb stood over him.
    He did this. Pickett clapped his hands near his face so the flies left it for a moment and then settled back. Five or six scars cut into his cheeks. Pickett had been one of the