Connections by Emilia Winters Page B

tried to draw in deep breaths but all he did was gasp for air as memories overwhelmed him.   The terror, the stale air of the basement, that cigar smell, the darkness.   Alex felt Olivia stroking his face.   Her mouth was moving, but he heard no words.   Blood was rushing in his ears making it impossible to focus.
    He was being pulled and he stumbled before regaining his footing.   Olivia drew him into the bathroom and shut the door.   She shut the toilet seat with a loud clang and pushed him down to a sitting position.   His heart thundered in his chest and he concentrated on breathing through his nose.
    She went to the sink and grabbed the hand towel off the rack, running it under the clear stream of water before ringing it out.
    “Hang your head between your legs,” she ordered clearly and he did as she asked, trying to calm down.   She tugged the collar of his dress shirt down before pressing the cool rag against his neck.   He briefly registered that she began stroking his hair and he concentrated on the sensation, bringing the side of his face to rest against her stomach.
    “I hate him,” he gasped softly, staring at the bathroom floor tile.   “I hate him so much.”
    “Shhh,” she shushed.   “Just calm down, Alex.”
    Out of his hate came a singular, clear thought.   “Remember when I said I didn’t think I’d be a good father?”   He didn’t wait for her to respond.   “I know now that I will be.   I could never be like him,” he whispered, still struggling to breathe.
    “Let’s not talk about that right now,” she replied softly.   “Just try to focus and calm down, okay?”
    Alex closed his eyes, concentrating on the gentle sounds of Olivia’s breaths.   He still felt dizzy but after a few minutes it began to subside.   Someone knocked on the door, but Olivia sent them away.   Five, ten, twenty minutes could have passed and he wouldn’t have known.   But after a while, he almost felt like normal.   His heart was still racing, but he knew from experience that it wouldn’t subside for another hour.   But at least he had more control.
    Alex buried his head deeper in Olivia’s stomach, pressing his lips against her.   After a few more moments of silence, Olivia quietly asked, “What did your dad mean?   About the hallway?”
    Alex closed his eyes, knowing he owed her an explanation.   He pulled his head away and looked up at her.   “My father’s office is at the end of the hallway.   So is the door to the basement.”   Tensing, he glanced away.   “When we first moved to the house, when I was seven, I made the mistake of disturbing him during a conference call.   He didn’t say anything about it when I walked in, but after he was done, he came to find me in my room.   He was furious.   He told me he’d make sure I never did that again.”   Alex could still see his red face, his white lips as he screamed.
    “What did he do?” Olivia whispered, her brow furrowed in an expression of apprehension.
    Swallowing, he started, “He dragged me downstairs to his office.   I got the belt there, but he wasn’t done.   I could tell even then because he was still so angry.”   Alex’s palms began trembling so he clenched them into fists.   “He locked me in the basement and shattered the lightbulb so I couldn’t turn on the light.   And…I just…”   He cleared his throat, feeling his hands begin to sweat.   “I panicked.   I was begging and crying, but he wouldn’t let me out.   He shut the door to his office and worked for another hour before he came to get me.   And after that, up until I started high school, that’s how he would punish me.   I couldn’t tell you how many hours I was down in that basement.”
    “Alex…” Olivia whispered, her voice anguished, but he wouldn’t look at her face.   Because if he did, he felt like he’d start crying.   And despite his relationship with his father, he hadn’t cried in years.   Because