voice was unexpected to her.
"Not when someone's life is on the line," I
replied.
Her eyes snapped back to me and she was obviously angry and
a little hurt. "The man took a life. Why should he deserve his own?"
"I'm not talking about Stanton Ripley. I was talking
about you, Emily. Your life is on the line."
Her eyes widened and her face drained of color. "Oh,
right. I'm sorry, I just…" She dropped her head into her hands and buried
her fingers in her hair. I wanted to go to her, to comfort her and apologize
for not being more compassionate, but this was the job I had to do. "I
didn't stay away from my brother to avoid trouble, he stayed away to avoid me ."
"And why is that?"
She sighed and picked at a tiny hole in the knee of her
jeans, "It doesn't matter why. Do you honestly think I'm not having a hard
time with this?"
I waited for her to look at me again before I could respond,
when she did, the mask she hadn't been wearing so well was gone completely. She
looked vulnerable. "I know it isn't easy to give up your life just so you
can say a few words in court."
Her lips thinned and her eyes shined with moisture. Yeah,
she was having a hard time.
"That's not what I meant."
We stared at each other for a few minutes, the tension
growing taut and her meaning becoming more and more clear to me. I could see
the guilt she was feeling and my chest tightened when I realized there was no
way I could fix it for her.
And why the hell did I want to fix it in the first place?
I stood and moved over to the couch, sitting down next to
her and speaking as softly as I could so she wouldn't feel like I was pushing
her too hard. "Tell me what you did mean."
This wasn't a part of my job. I didn't need to know why she
was testifying and I didn't need to know the details about her that would only
make me want to dive in deeper. I was only here to watch out for her; babysit
her really. I wasn't supposed to ask questions, but something about her forced
them out. She didn't belong in a world like the one she was living in. She
didn't deserve to be neck deep in Ripley's bullshit with a 50/50 chance of
coming out of it alive and well or dead and gone. And even if she did come out
of it alive, the rest of her life? Well that was just a big fat question mark
now, wasn't it?
"Have you ever testified against a murderer,
Conall?" she asked, her voice broken with emotion and the moisture in her
eyes brimming on the edges.
I wanted to reach out and wipe those tears away, tell her
that everything would work out. But that wasn't part of my job either. I was
here to protect her at all costs, not comfort her and hold her.
Period.
"I have. It's a part of my job."
She shook her head, "No, not as a detective or a cop.
Have you ever been in my position? The only key to putting someone in prison
for the rest of their life?"
I shook my head.
"Then you don't know what it's like to be responsible
for destroying someone's life, even if they deserve it…" she trailed off
and her eyes glazed over as if she was recalling a distant memory before they
cleared and she looked down at her hands. "I've had more than enough
experience with that."
I didn't know what to say to her. She was right, I had no
idea what it was like. Even if the guy killed someone, he still had a family
and a life. I wanted to tell her that I get it. It isn't easy and I understand
that, but I didn't think that's what she wanted to hear.
My phone buzzed in my pocket and I pulled it out to look at
the screen.
Ash: Need some girl advice. Bring Emily over for a while
when you can.
I sighed in relief. We had only been talking for a few
minutes, but I needed some distance again.
"We'll talk later. Ash needs you." I stood from
the couch and gathered her file.
"What?"
I gestured for her to follow me, which she did immediately
and it made my chest tighten all over again. She did trust me and damn if that
didn't make me feel like puffing out my chest. "I'm taking you down the
street to
"Not when someone's life is on the line," I
replied.
Her eyes snapped back to me and she was obviously angry and
a little hurt. "The man took a life. Why should he deserve his own?"
"I'm not talking about Stanton Ripley. I was talking
about you, Emily. Your life is on the line."
Her eyes widened and her face drained of color. "Oh,
right. I'm sorry, I just…" She dropped her head into her hands and buried
her fingers in her hair. I wanted to go to her, to comfort her and apologize
for not being more compassionate, but this was the job I had to do. "I
didn't stay away from my brother to avoid trouble, he stayed away to avoid me ."
"And why is that?"
She sighed and picked at a tiny hole in the knee of her
jeans, "It doesn't matter why. Do you honestly think I'm not having a hard
time with this?"
I waited for her to look at me again before I could respond,
when she did, the mask she hadn't been wearing so well was gone completely. She
looked vulnerable. "I know it isn't easy to give up your life just so you
can say a few words in court."
Her lips thinned and her eyes shined with moisture. Yeah,
she was having a hard time.
"That's not what I meant."
We stared at each other for a few minutes, the tension
growing taut and her meaning becoming more and more clear to me. I could see
the guilt she was feeling and my chest tightened when I realized there was no
way I could fix it for her.
And why the hell did I want to fix it in the first place?
I stood and moved over to the couch, sitting down next to
her and speaking as softly as I could so she wouldn't feel like I was pushing
her too hard. "Tell me what you did mean."
This wasn't a part of my job. I didn't need to know why she
was testifying and I didn't need to know the details about her that would only
make me want to dive in deeper. I was only here to watch out for her; babysit
her really. I wasn't supposed to ask questions, but something about her forced
them out. She didn't belong in a world like the one she was living in. She
didn't deserve to be neck deep in Ripley's bullshit with a 50/50 chance of
coming out of it alive and well or dead and gone. And even if she did come out
of it alive, the rest of her life? Well that was just a big fat question mark
now, wasn't it?
"Have you ever testified against a murderer,
Conall?" she asked, her voice broken with emotion and the moisture in her
eyes brimming on the edges.
I wanted to reach out and wipe those tears away, tell her
that everything would work out. But that wasn't part of my job either. I was
here to protect her at all costs, not comfort her and hold her.
Period.
"I have. It's a part of my job."
She shook her head, "No, not as a detective or a cop.
Have you ever been in my position? The only key to putting someone in prison
for the rest of their life?"
I shook my head.
"Then you don't know what it's like to be responsible
for destroying someone's life, even if they deserve it…" she trailed off
and her eyes glazed over as if she was recalling a distant memory before they
cleared and she looked down at her hands. "I've had more than enough
experience with that."
I didn't know what to say to her. She was right, I had no
idea what it was like. Even if the guy killed someone, he still had a family
and a life. I wanted to tell her that I get it. It isn't easy and I understand
that, but I didn't think that's what she wanted to hear.
My phone buzzed in my pocket and I pulled it out to look at
the screen.
Ash: Need some girl advice. Bring Emily over for a while
when you can.
I sighed in relief. We had only been talking for a few
minutes, but I needed some distance again.
"We'll talk later. Ash needs you." I stood from
the couch and gathered her file.
"What?"
I gestured for her to follow me, which she did immediately
and it made my chest tighten all over again. She did trust me and damn if that
didn't make me feel like puffing out my chest. "I'm taking you down the
street to
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