Conquering Chaos by Catelynn Lowell, Tyler Baltierra Page B

Well, all I know is it started when I was nine.
    The older girl who molested me was a friend of my older sister. She was about four
     years older than me, which is a big difference at that age. One day I went over to
     her house with my sister and some other people, and for some reason or another, everyone
     else left but this older girl and me. For the next several hours, while we were alone
     together in her house, it was sex act after sex act after sex act. It went on all
     day. She had us doing everything she could think of, one thing after another. There’d
     be a break and then it would start up again. And when it was finally over, I didn’t
     know what the hell had happened.
    My reaction was to brag about it with all my friends. I think I was trying to get
     a reaction out of them to help me understand what to make of it. As young as I was,
     I had some sense that what happened wasn’t right. But I didn’t have many ways to process
     something so crazy. And my bragging didn’t work out. One day I was at a barbecue and
     I started talking to two girls about it. They knew immediately that something wasn’t
     right, and they went and told someone. When it got back to my mom, she freaked out.
     She thought I was lying or saying dirty things to those girls, and I think it scared
     her. That day she pulled me aside and smacked me for it.
    After that, it turned into this very ugly, awkward kind of thing with other adults
     hearing about it and being concerned. That’s what clued me in that what had happened
     was wrong. My mom and I never talked about it again until much later, when I was older
     and we went to counseling. I think she just didn’t know what to do. Neither did I.
     Things are weird when boys are molested by girls. People think about it differently.
     The message you get is that it’s a cool thing to happen, something to brag about.
     Then on the other hand you learn adults don’t want you to talk about it.
    It wasn’t cool at all. It made me think sex was something kids could do, which influenced
     me to act too sexual when I was too young. Before long I was breaking up with my little
     girlfriends because they were prudes. Prudes! We were ten-year-olds! It’s so messed
     up.
    I wound up finding a girlfriend who wanted to do it all the time. She was crazy, and
     that was basically all we did. Going from her to Catelynn was a real shocker. But
     I never thought about dumping Cate for holding back. There was something about her
     self-respect and the way she just came right out and said “no” that almost compelled
     me to want to get closer to her. Cate was really good for me in that way.
    Catelynn:
    Yes, I was a prude. I wasn’t having any of that. I was a little punk, but I was a
     classy punk! I was a virgin when I met Tyler, and I didn’t see any reason to throw
     that away for no reason. He’d obviously had more experience than me and had different
     ideas about sex, but that was his deal. I had other boyfriends before him, but I didn’t
     do anything with them at all. I’ve just always been the kind of girl who respects
     my body. I never liked to show it off in skimpy clothes or anything, and I didn’t
     feel like giving it up to some guy just because he wanted it that second.
    Tyler really wanted to have sex, but I made him wait for about nine months. I never
     worried that he’d dump me like he’d dump those other girls. Not because I was sure
     he wouldn’t, but because if he did, that would just mean he wasn’t the right guy for
     me. It was that simple. I wasn’t going to compromise my self-respect.
    And it was worth it, because he waited. Instead of having sex we hung out and talked,
     and talked, and talked. We built a really strong relationship without that one thing.
     And then one night, when we were fooling around in his room, I just said, “Are you
     gonna do it already, or not?”
    Tyler was like, “What?” He was so shocked when I suggested it, all of a sudden