Cool School by John Marsden

glaring at you in a rage.
    You’re feeling so confident now that you take the top off the jar and eat one of the jelly beans.
    â€˜I think you’re in the wrong job,’ you say to her, sitting in the seat opposite. She doesn’t comment, so you continue. ‘Yes, the wrong job,’ you say firmly, eating another jelly bean, a yellow one this time.
    You proceed to talk to her for the next twenty minutes, during which you empty the jar of jelly beans. And your advice obviously works.
    The next day it’s announced that she’s resigned. A week later you see her in her new position. You’re on your way to school, so you walk to the pedestrian crossing to get across the road. You hear a loud whistle blast as the lollipop lady marches out into the middle of the road. A huge semi-trailer squeals to a halt but it doesn’t stop fast enough and its front wheels go thirty centimetres over the line. The lollipop lady strides straight to the driver’s side of the cabin and starts abusing the driver. You walk on smiling, as the voice follows you down the road. ‘You get out of that cabin right now!’ she shouts. ‘And write out one hundred times: “I must stop my truck on the line at zebra crossings.”’
    â€˜Yes,’ you think, ‘seems like she’s found the right job at last.’

ou cross the road and walk nervously up to the two people.
    â€˜Yes, Mr Pigly?’ you say. ‘Yes, Mrs Pigly?’
    â€˜What did you call us?’ the man asks.
    â€˜Mr and Mrs Pigly.’
    â€˜I suppose you think that’s funny,’ the man says. He pulls out a card from his pocket and shows it to you. ‘I’m Senior Constable Irvine. And this is Senior Constable Craig. We’re from the Truancy Squad. We don’t like cheeky kids. We’d like you to accompany us to the station.’
    As they lead you away you look around. The street is deserted. There’s not a single one of your fellow students in sight. But you’re almost sure you can hear their giggles following you all the way to the lockup.

es,’ you say again, more urgently, and to the whole class now. ‘If everyone stays sitting in their places, and is extra extra good, you’ll get a big surprise.’
    â€˜What’s the surprise?’ someone yells out.
    â€˜Oh well, if I told you that, it wouldn’t be a surprise, would it?’
    But they all start chanting: ‘What’s the surprise? What’s the surprise?’
    You’re helpless, knowing that you’ve completely lost control of this rabble, and completely unable to think of a surprise for them. But as you stand there, gaping at them like a laughing clown at a sideshow, waiting for someone to drop a ping-pong ball down your throat, there’s a cough from the doorway.
    You look across. Standing there is a tall man with a dark brown briefcase.
    The whole class falls silent as they notice him.
    â€˜I’m the surprise,’ he says to them. ‘I’m your new teacher. I’m sorry I’m late.’ Then to you he says: ‘I heard your efforts to stop the class from getting up and leaving. Thank you very much. Well done.’
    You sit down, blushing. The kid who was going to walk out yells at you: ‘What a moron. We knew you wasn’t a teacher.’
    The real teacher says, very quietly: ‘No yelling out in my class. Half-hour detention, tomorrow after school.’
    And the kid shuts up, straight away!
    â€˜Now,’ says the teacher, ‘we’ll start with Africa. Africa is the world’s second largest continent with a population of over 600 million. Its main rivers are the Congo, Limpopo, Zambezi, Nile and Niger.’
    You settle back in your seat and yawn. Looks like life is back to normal.

uddenly his nerve breaks. With a strangled cry he puts his hands over his mouth and rushes out of the room.
    â€˜What was that all about?’ you ask the