we? I know it's early."
"It's early for an ordinary companionship, aye; but where there's a genuine basis, it ought to begin at once. It only needs the act of willing and knowing. Would you say we couldn't be friends now?"
Caroline looked at her, still puzzled.
Nellie went on in a dreamy coaxing tone, "It's no good playing the ascetic, no; the thick armor of self-sufficiency which you have, pet, covers a wound, a scar is there. Self-knowledge must be struggled for. Confess what you know, confess what you don't know. You need a friend for that, to tell your inmost secrets to."
"I'll tell you the truth," said Caroline and paused.
"Ah, now, that's better: let's be frank."
"I've written to Barry, but had no reply. He never caused me any pain. I feel quite sensible now. It was harmony with him, as you say. If he is free, I would go there now."
She looked at Nellie as if she had told her whole story.
Nellie said, "Then there's no hope for us as friends?"
"Why not?"
Caroline looked at her eccentric face and topknot and the glasses standing before her sympathetically. She added, with warmth, "You know, I think it is you who don't know about friendship. For a woman the best friend is a man. There's no deeper feeling."
Nellie cried in a rage, "That's a damn hypocritical superior attitude. I won't take it from you or anyone else. So women are second-class citizens. Like families in slums who need housing. Subjects for pity!"
Caroline sat up in angry astonishment.
Nellie cried, "So that's it. Women are inferior, incapable of friendship. Of all the goddamn backward bourgeois attitudes. A woman's not the equal of a man. I resent it. You can't put that over on me. So we're second-class citizens to you."
Caroline said indignantly, "Well, if it seems that way to you."
"You see what a bourgeois you are? The superiority feeling in everything! You're incapable of a decent human relation with another woman."
Caroline did not reply.
Nellie began to lament, "You see how contorted your attitudes are? You're formed by the middle-class marriage hunt; man first, last and always. Aren't you ashamed, a little ashamed? Ashamed to put your sisters on such a level?"
"I can't see what you mean. If Barry answers, he will be all to me."
"That's a terrible confession."
Caroline said, "A confession?"
"A confession; a terrible confession."
"Of what?"
"Of weakness, inferiority, of needing the superior conquering sex."
Caroline began to laugh weakly, "You make everything so unusual. I want to get married again; that's all. I'm glad to have some women friends."
She felt she had hurt Nellie and added, "We were brought up so differently."
"Yes, we were. I was not brought up with pretty pictures painted on me eyelids."
"If you're my friend, shouldn't you try to understand me?"
Nellie said bitterly, "I understand you very well. You're smugly satisfied to be enclosed in the shell and never get out. You don't want experience. You don't want discovery. Experience is a difficult woman to woo: you must leave your mother and your father and your milksop ideas of romance. No good will ever come of your writing unless you open your eyes. You'll get no respect from me. You must rely not on yourself but on others; on me. I can show you the way; and if I don't, if you alienate me, your last chance has gone. You'll be the blind led by the blind. You'll be writing the mutterings and screams in a nightmare, no reality. There are enough paper spoilers. I could show you the way. There is a way. With just a little, you could be close to the warm skin of humanity. But you can't take it. Your soul and heart are second rate. You're weak. You want to follow the way of the mothers, the grandmothers, the pathetic imprisoned Eves."
Nellie ordered another drink and they sat in silence till she had finished it, tossing it in with curt desperate gestures. Then Caroline said, "Shouldn't we go? Didn't you say you had to go and see someone tonight?"
"Yes, I have to go
"It's early for an ordinary companionship, aye; but where there's a genuine basis, it ought to begin at once. It only needs the act of willing and knowing. Would you say we couldn't be friends now?"
Caroline looked at her, still puzzled.
Nellie went on in a dreamy coaxing tone, "It's no good playing the ascetic, no; the thick armor of self-sufficiency which you have, pet, covers a wound, a scar is there. Self-knowledge must be struggled for. Confess what you know, confess what you don't know. You need a friend for that, to tell your inmost secrets to."
"I'll tell you the truth," said Caroline and paused.
"Ah, now, that's better: let's be frank."
"I've written to Barry, but had no reply. He never caused me any pain. I feel quite sensible now. It was harmony with him, as you say. If he is free, I would go there now."
She looked at Nellie as if she had told her whole story.
Nellie said, "Then there's no hope for us as friends?"
"Why not?"
Caroline looked at her eccentric face and topknot and the glasses standing before her sympathetically. She added, with warmth, "You know, I think it is you who don't know about friendship. For a woman the best friend is a man. There's no deeper feeling."
Nellie cried in a rage, "That's a damn hypocritical superior attitude. I won't take it from you or anyone else. So women are second-class citizens. Like families in slums who need housing. Subjects for pity!"
Caroline sat up in angry astonishment.
Nellie cried, "So that's it. Women are inferior, incapable of friendship. Of all the goddamn backward bourgeois attitudes. A woman's not the equal of a man. I resent it. You can't put that over on me. So we're second-class citizens to you."
Caroline said indignantly, "Well, if it seems that way to you."
"You see what a bourgeois you are? The superiority feeling in everything! You're incapable of a decent human relation with another woman."
Caroline did not reply.
Nellie began to lament, "You see how contorted your attitudes are? You're formed by the middle-class marriage hunt; man first, last and always. Aren't you ashamed, a little ashamed? Ashamed to put your sisters on such a level?"
"I can't see what you mean. If Barry answers, he will be all to me."
"That's a terrible confession."
Caroline said, "A confession?"
"A confession; a terrible confession."
"Of what?"
"Of weakness, inferiority, of needing the superior conquering sex."
Caroline began to laugh weakly, "You make everything so unusual. I want to get married again; that's all. I'm glad to have some women friends."
She felt she had hurt Nellie and added, "We were brought up so differently."
"Yes, we were. I was not brought up with pretty pictures painted on me eyelids."
"If you're my friend, shouldn't you try to understand me?"
Nellie said bitterly, "I understand you very well. You're smugly satisfied to be enclosed in the shell and never get out. You don't want experience. You don't want discovery. Experience is a difficult woman to woo: you must leave your mother and your father and your milksop ideas of romance. No good will ever come of your writing unless you open your eyes. You'll get no respect from me. You must rely not on yourself but on others; on me. I can show you the way; and if I don't, if you alienate me, your last chance has gone. You'll be the blind led by the blind. You'll be writing the mutterings and screams in a nightmare, no reality. There are enough paper spoilers. I could show you the way. There is a way. With just a little, you could be close to the warm skin of humanity. But you can't take it. Your soul and heart are second rate. You're weak. You want to follow the way of the mothers, the grandmothers, the pathetic imprisoned Eves."
Nellie ordered another drink and they sat in silence till she had finished it, tossing it in with curt desperate gestures. Then Caroline said, "Shouldn't we go? Didn't you say you had to go and see someone tonight?"
"Yes, I have to go
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