Crazy People: The Crazy for You Stories by Jennifer Crusie Page A

need that big place any more, why don’t you let me sell it for you?” And I stopped right in the middle of her back comb and stared her down, and she said, “Well, with Ronnie Jr. married off and Becky in college, you don’t need that location so near the school.” But you know she wasn’t talking about Ronnie Jr. and Becky. Then she said, “I can get you a real good deal on one of those condos down by the river,” and I said, “Well, Verna, I appreciate it, but I think
we’ll
stay right where
we
are for awhile.” Even though where you are is Lake Huron. And then I got to wondering if you ever would be back home and if there ever would be a
we
again, and I almost cried again, right there in front of Verna, but I didn’t, and then last night I was alone again and up all night, staring at the ceiling tiles, thinking about this, but I am not getting any answers at all.
    And then today I went in to work, and it was worse because this time, on top of all the whispering, I had to put up with Lori Schmidt and her damn spiral perm. I couldn’t believe it, she came in looking like three kinds of hell and said, “Oh, Debbie, you got to help me, I went to this place in the mall and got a spiral perm on sale, and it looks godawful.” And I wanted to say, “You bet your butt it looks godawful, and you deserve it because you fell for a big shiny sign that said “New!” and “Different!” and you took your sorry little head in there, and they screwed you up good which is what you deserve for going to another hairdresser.” I wanted to say that, but I didn’t. I said, “Lori, honey, your hair’s too long for a spiral perm, it just won’t work.” And she said, “I know that
now
, Debbie, I truly do, but what are we going to do about it?” And I said, “I’ll fix it, Lori. We’ll do a piggy back perm and you’ll be right as rain.” And she said, “I should never have gone to anybody but you, Debbie, and I never will again, I swear.” And she looked real good when she walked out of there, and she even tipped me better than usual, so I think she knows what she’s got in me now. And I do understand about her being tempted by those shiny signs, and I forgive her because she did the right thing and came back in the end. And I will never throw it up to her because everybody makes mistakes, and as long as they are truly sorry everything can be just fine again. That’s what I truly believe, Ronnie, and not just about spiral perms, either.
    Then I got home, and Mama was parked in the driveway. I bet that looked real good to the neighbors. And she got out of the car and said, “I heard it, Debbie, but I don’t believe it. You tell me it’s a lie.” But I couldn’t, although you don’t know how much I wanted to. Then she started in on how no Headapohl woman had ever been divorced, and they sure weren’t going to start with me, and how happy she’d been when Darla and I had both gotten married right away after high school (although she wasn’t all that happy with you and me, Ronnie, as you may remember; in fact she was downright nasty about my empire wedding dress). And then she said I was just going to have to get you back one way or another because she was not going to be the mother of a scandal, and that it was important for a woman to be married because that was security, and that being alone would be a terrible thing, and that I wasn’t young any more, and good men didn’t grow on trees, and I should be sensible and hold onto what I had. She said, “You just made some mistakes, that’s all, Debbie,” and I said it wasn’t exactly my idea for you to go north with a bank teller, and she said that didn’t matter because it was my fault for going to work and having a career instead of staying home and fixing you hot dinners like she’d told me to. And I said, “Mama, I don’t think he’s up in Michigan with Barbara Niedemeyer because she’s fixing him hot dinners, I truly don’t,” and she said,