Crazy People: The Crazy for You Stories by Jennifer Crusie

be strong, and Mama does believe in strong marriages. Sometimes I think Mama believes in marriage more than she believes in God, the way she’s always talking about other people’s lives and saying what a scandal, and I do not want to be a scandal, Ronnie, but here we are, and I’m trying to understand why and how we can fix this.
    So anyway, I’m thinking, maybe this is something you need to do to feel young again for a minute. I mean, I’m real happy that Ronnie Junior’s got a baby of his own now, but I’ve got to admit, I’m not sure I’m ready to be a grandma at forty-four, no matter how cute little Cody is. But I never told you that, or that I still think you’re something else even if you are a grandpa, so I’m thinking that maybe that’s what’s wrong, that maybe it would be a good thing if I was to be understanding about this. Darla says that is the biggest load of crap she’s ever heard, but I think that part of what’s wrong with this country today is that people get rid of their marriages too easy. I mean this is a really bad patch we’re going through here, but I’m not going to give up just because you’re having a hot flash, Ronnie, not after twenty-six years, two kids and a grandbaby, I’m not.
    So I’m going to pack up your clothes really nice in boxes so you can pick them up a week from Sunday if you still want to. And what I’m hoping is that you’ll realize what you’re missing out on and remember all we’ve been together and how much your family means to you, and then you’ll come on back home where you belong. We can work this out, Ronnie, don’t you think we can’t.
    Your loving wife,
    Debbie
    PS: I wrote you this letter two days ago, Ronnie, but then I had to stop because everything was too awful, and I sat down and cried which is why my name is a little bit blurry there at the end. I just couldn’t stand the thought of losing you and being alone, and then I thought of you with that Barbara and I cried harder. And then Becky called from college and said, “Mama, Ronnie Jr. just called and told me Daddy left you, is it true?” and I said, “Yes,” and she said, “This is terrible, this isn’t really Daddy doing this, this is a symptom of the breakdown of society,” which I did not need to hear even if she is taking all those psychology courses, and then she started to cry and said, “Please don’t divorce him, Mama,” which was worse. Then she hung up and I cried again. And then Ronnie Jr. called sounding really miserable and said he had the bowling alley under control and did I want the grass mowed or anything, and that’s when I knew you’d already told him, even before you left, and I hung up and cried some more.
    And then Darla called me to check up and heard me crying, and she tried to make me come to her house, and when I wouldn’t, she came over, but she wasn’t much help seeing as when I told her again about how I understood that you had this mid-life crisis to work through, she said that the only thing you had to work through was your dick (excuse the language, you know Darla) which explained your sorry, worthless life. And she said that I should not be understanding about this at all because there was a difference between being understanding and being brain dead dumb. And I said, “I’m thinking that maybe he just needs some time,” and she said, “Debbie, stop telling me what that asshole needs and tell me what
you
need,” and I said, “I need my husband back.” And she said, “Why?” and I said, “Because he’s my husband, damn it,” and she said, “Well, as much as I hate his sorry ass and hope he dies, if that’s the only reason you need him, I can kind of see why he left,” and that wasn’t a help, Ronnie, it really wasn’t.
    Then yesterday, I went into work, and people were starting to know and it was hell. Verna Wachtell sat right there in my chair, and said, “Well, Debbie, now that your family’s left home, you really don’t