I’m sorry about the loss of your other baby,” she says quietly as she guides me over to the room.
Clearly, word of Andi and Thomas has spread through the ward.
I wait for what seems like an eternity before the door opens and a smiling, older nurse wheels in a cart. This bundle is much bigger than the bundle I held earlier. This bundle is moving. This bundle is crying.
“Shh, Daddy’s here, little one,” the nurse coos as she lifts him from the bed.
Bile rises in my throat, and I almost can’t stomach the idea of holding this baby. But the nurse doesn’t give me a choice. She bends over to reach me from my seated position on the small couch and deposits him into my arms.
Blue little eyes stop crying and look up at me.
My Tyler.
His presence shouldn’t comfort me. But it does.
His sweet features shouldn’t draw me in. But they do.
His little soul shouldn’t be able to instantly wrap itself to my soul. But it does.
I realize I’m crying again, and I feel like a fool. He’s just so damn beautiful.
“Hey there, little guy. I’m your daddy,” I whisper as I stroke his forehead with my thumb. The skin there is so soft. So warm.
An ache in my heart for Thomas hits me so hard that I shudder. The loss of my other son is still a bleeding wound. But Tyler, with his tiny lips and miniature nose, is desperately handing me a bandage, silently begging me to let him fix it.
And he will. I know this without a shadow of a doubt. This boy, Tyler, was sent to us. Baby number nine. He’s very much ours just as much as any of the other babies were. God sent him to us to heal our broken hearts. I can see that plain as day.
My beautiful, sweet, broken Andi will need some convincing though.
“Now, Tyler, you need to listen to Daddy, okay?” I question through my tears.
His wide eyes inspect my features. His body reacts to my voice. My boy is quiet—as if he truly is listening to what I have to say.
“Your mommy is very sad. Your brother Thomas had to go be an angel. Here’s where I’m going to need your help, little buddy. I need you to be strong for Mommy. Mommy might say things at first that she doesn’t mean. She still loves you, but she’s so very sad. Mommy needs us to be there for her no matter what. Can you do that, Tyler? For Daddy?”
He sighs exaggeratedly, and I chuckle.
“I know—hard work. But you’re a tough little guy. We can do this.”
After pulling the blanket away to reveal a tiny hand tucked inside, I slide my pinkie finger into his palm. With such strength, he grips my finger with his hand. Then I give it a little wiggle and smile.
“Okay. A deal’s a deal. A man’s handshake is as good as any contract. Together, we’re going to make Mommy better. I love you, Tyler.”
“Andi,” I whisper and stroke a blond strand away from her forehead. My wife looks like an angel who’s been in an epic battle and lost. She’s absolutely crushed.
Slightly, she turns her head toward me, but her normally sparkling eyes are dulled. She doesn’t frown or smile or hardly even acknowledge me.
“Babe,” I try again and smile at her.
Her lips pucker into a pout as she looks up at the ceiling. Shit, this is going to be a lot harder than I expected.
“Dr. Ellis said you could go home in the morning. I thought maybe you would want to see Tyler. He’s in the nursery. I could go get him and—”
Sadly, she mouths the word, “No.”
I groan in frustration. She’s said no to visitors, to Dr. Sweeney, and to Tyler multiple times.
“Please? For me?” I beg quietly.
Her lips purse together and she shakes her head.
Fuck.
“Fine. I’ll go visit him by myself. I will come back in twenty minutes,” I snip.
She’s not the only one hurting here. I’m gutted by the loss of Thomas, but I can’t abandon Tyler because of it. Mom was right—I’m his daddy now. He relies on me to look after him.
“Fine,” she mutters.
Fuck.
I lean forward and press a kiss to her forehead before
Clearly, word of Andi and Thomas has spread through the ward.
I wait for what seems like an eternity before the door opens and a smiling, older nurse wheels in a cart. This bundle is much bigger than the bundle I held earlier. This bundle is moving. This bundle is crying.
“Shh, Daddy’s here, little one,” the nurse coos as she lifts him from the bed.
Bile rises in my throat, and I almost can’t stomach the idea of holding this baby. But the nurse doesn’t give me a choice. She bends over to reach me from my seated position on the small couch and deposits him into my arms.
Blue little eyes stop crying and look up at me.
My Tyler.
His presence shouldn’t comfort me. But it does.
His sweet features shouldn’t draw me in. But they do.
His little soul shouldn’t be able to instantly wrap itself to my soul. But it does.
I realize I’m crying again, and I feel like a fool. He’s just so damn beautiful.
“Hey there, little guy. I’m your daddy,” I whisper as I stroke his forehead with my thumb. The skin there is so soft. So warm.
An ache in my heart for Thomas hits me so hard that I shudder. The loss of my other son is still a bleeding wound. But Tyler, with his tiny lips and miniature nose, is desperately handing me a bandage, silently begging me to let him fix it.
And he will. I know this without a shadow of a doubt. This boy, Tyler, was sent to us. Baby number nine. He’s very much ours just as much as any of the other babies were. God sent him to us to heal our broken hearts. I can see that plain as day.
My beautiful, sweet, broken Andi will need some convincing though.
“Now, Tyler, you need to listen to Daddy, okay?” I question through my tears.
His wide eyes inspect my features. His body reacts to my voice. My boy is quiet—as if he truly is listening to what I have to say.
“Your mommy is very sad. Your brother Thomas had to go be an angel. Here’s where I’m going to need your help, little buddy. I need you to be strong for Mommy. Mommy might say things at first that she doesn’t mean. She still loves you, but she’s so very sad. Mommy needs us to be there for her no matter what. Can you do that, Tyler? For Daddy?”
He sighs exaggeratedly, and I chuckle.
“I know—hard work. But you’re a tough little guy. We can do this.”
After pulling the blanket away to reveal a tiny hand tucked inside, I slide my pinkie finger into his palm. With such strength, he grips my finger with his hand. Then I give it a little wiggle and smile.
“Okay. A deal’s a deal. A man’s handshake is as good as any contract. Together, we’re going to make Mommy better. I love you, Tyler.”
“Andi,” I whisper and stroke a blond strand away from her forehead. My wife looks like an angel who’s been in an epic battle and lost. She’s absolutely crushed.
Slightly, she turns her head toward me, but her normally sparkling eyes are dulled. She doesn’t frown or smile or hardly even acknowledge me.
“Babe,” I try again and smile at her.
Her lips pucker into a pout as she looks up at the ceiling. Shit, this is going to be a lot harder than I expected.
“Dr. Ellis said you could go home in the morning. I thought maybe you would want to see Tyler. He’s in the nursery. I could go get him and—”
Sadly, she mouths the word, “No.”
I groan in frustration. She’s said no to visitors, to Dr. Sweeney, and to Tyler multiple times.
“Please? For me?” I beg quietly.
Her lips purse together and she shakes her head.
Fuck.
“Fine. I’ll go visit him by myself. I will come back in twenty minutes,” I snip.
She’s not the only one hurting here. I’m gutted by the loss of Thomas, but I can’t abandon Tyler because of it. Mom was right—I’m his daddy now. He relies on me to look after him.
“Fine,” she mutters.
Fuck.
I lean forward and press a kiss to her forehead before
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