everyone; it would be too much for them to all understand where he and I came from. Hell, it’s almost too much for me to comprehend now that we are back to square one…this time, he’s the one pushing me away rather than me being the one to walk.
The day I saw Steve at Duke’s, I thought for sure it was a dream. I never believed the two of us would cross paths again. He was everything to me at one point, someone I had loved so much that it tore me apart to turn away from what we could have had…then there he was, standing right in front of me. The moment his big brown eyes landed on mine I knew I was a goner. I wanted so badly to crawl up into his lap and hold onto him for dear life. My emotions were all over the place, I needed to rein them in and think with a clear head.
As I watched, he took a seat at the bar and smiled back at me, his eyes never leaving mine. I took a few steps in his direction, placing bar napkins down in front of him and his friends before asking them what they wanted to drink. I was taken aback when Steve ordered a soda while the rest of the guys ordered bottles of Miller Lite. Listening to their requests, I moved behind the bar and placed their drinks in front of them. As I set Steve’s soda down, his hand grazed mine and a sudden shock rushed through my fingers and up my arm. It was the same spark I always felt when he’d touch me, I just didn’t think it would still be alive after all this time. Pulling my hand back and resting it along my side, I plastered a fake smile across my face and continued to tend to the other customers.
It was difficult to not pay him attention and look in his direction, especially when I could feel the heat of his gaze watching me. Each time I’d look up to him, a smile would spread across his face and a wink would flash in my direction. All the feelings for him, I tried so hard to bury, came rushing back that night…I couldn’t fight the pull that we felt for one another.
Now looking back, I know that shock of electricity will always be alive within us…even if we’re not meant to be together.
The sound of a knock pulls my attention to the other side of the room. Moving through the small space, I open the door to see Etty standing in the entry way with a bag in her hands.
Smiling, she pushes past me and moves herself toward the kitchen.
“Ok, crazy lady, what are you up to and what the hell is in the bag?”
Stopping in her tracks, she turns and shakes her head while laughing back at me.
“We’re friends, right?” She asks setting the bag down on the counter top.
“Yeah, of course we’re friends. Why the hell would you ask a question like that?” I ask with a hint of guilt coursing through me.
“Well, as I see it, friends don’t leave friends in a time of need. I think we’ve all moved apart from one another trying to work through our own grief. Hell, I’ve never had many girls as friends, but you and Jo came along and….well shit, Ash, I can’t lose you, too. You’ve become a constant in my life and maybe I’m just being selfish here, but I need you.”
I stand and watch as tears begin to fall down her face.
“Oh, Etty, I’m so sorry I haven’t been there for you. Life has fucked us all up and you’re right, we’ve all gone in our own directions.”
“I don’t want you to feel sorry for me, it’s not your fault Dault’s not here. Every day I pray that the next will get easier. I want so badly for him to come back to me…why won’t he come back to me, Ash?”
Looking into her sad eyes, I feel nothing but regret for a decision I made based on my own needs. She was one of the few people in my world that took me in with open arms. She didn’t know me, my past, or who I was…no, she accepted me because I was brought in as a member of the crew. Not for a moment did she ever judge, even when I took over her role at the shop. Instead she embraced me with open arms and made me feel like I was one of them.
Moving to her
The day I saw Steve at Duke’s, I thought for sure it was a dream. I never believed the two of us would cross paths again. He was everything to me at one point, someone I had loved so much that it tore me apart to turn away from what we could have had…then there he was, standing right in front of me. The moment his big brown eyes landed on mine I knew I was a goner. I wanted so badly to crawl up into his lap and hold onto him for dear life. My emotions were all over the place, I needed to rein them in and think with a clear head.
As I watched, he took a seat at the bar and smiled back at me, his eyes never leaving mine. I took a few steps in his direction, placing bar napkins down in front of him and his friends before asking them what they wanted to drink. I was taken aback when Steve ordered a soda while the rest of the guys ordered bottles of Miller Lite. Listening to their requests, I moved behind the bar and placed their drinks in front of them. As I set Steve’s soda down, his hand grazed mine and a sudden shock rushed through my fingers and up my arm. It was the same spark I always felt when he’d touch me, I just didn’t think it would still be alive after all this time. Pulling my hand back and resting it along my side, I plastered a fake smile across my face and continued to tend to the other customers.
It was difficult to not pay him attention and look in his direction, especially when I could feel the heat of his gaze watching me. Each time I’d look up to him, a smile would spread across his face and a wink would flash in my direction. All the feelings for him, I tried so hard to bury, came rushing back that night…I couldn’t fight the pull that we felt for one another.
Now looking back, I know that shock of electricity will always be alive within us…even if we’re not meant to be together.
The sound of a knock pulls my attention to the other side of the room. Moving through the small space, I open the door to see Etty standing in the entry way with a bag in her hands.
Smiling, she pushes past me and moves herself toward the kitchen.
“Ok, crazy lady, what are you up to and what the hell is in the bag?”
Stopping in her tracks, she turns and shakes her head while laughing back at me.
“We’re friends, right?” She asks setting the bag down on the counter top.
“Yeah, of course we’re friends. Why the hell would you ask a question like that?” I ask with a hint of guilt coursing through me.
“Well, as I see it, friends don’t leave friends in a time of need. I think we’ve all moved apart from one another trying to work through our own grief. Hell, I’ve never had many girls as friends, but you and Jo came along and….well shit, Ash, I can’t lose you, too. You’ve become a constant in my life and maybe I’m just being selfish here, but I need you.”
I stand and watch as tears begin to fall down her face.
“Oh, Etty, I’m so sorry I haven’t been there for you. Life has fucked us all up and you’re right, we’ve all gone in our own directions.”
“I don’t want you to feel sorry for me, it’s not your fault Dault’s not here. Every day I pray that the next will get easier. I want so badly for him to come back to me…why won’t he come back to me, Ash?”
Looking into her sad eyes, I feel nothing but regret for a decision I made based on my own needs. She was one of the few people in my world that took me in with open arms. She didn’t know me, my past, or who I was…no, she accepted me because I was brought in as a member of the crew. Not for a moment did she ever judge, even when I took over her role at the shop. Instead she embraced me with open arms and made me feel like I was one of them.
Moving to her
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