Curtain Call by Liz Botts Page A

really casual for you,” Harlow said with a shrug.
    â€œThings have never been casual with Josh. I just didn’t want to end up like…” I broke off, shocked that the words had nearly left my mouth. Shame flooded me, heating my face. I looked away.
    â€œLike what?” Harlow asked softly. “Like me?”
    â€œNo, of course not,” I said too quickly.
    Harlow snorted. “Yeah, right. It’s okay. I get it, you know. But why did you guys start in the first place?”
    The question still stumped me. “It seemed like the natural evolution of the relationship. We’d been together for five years. We had a future planned. Everyone else was doing it.”
    I thought back on that first night with Josh and hesitated. In so many ways, it had been wonderful. He was attentive and patient with me. Afterwards, he’d held me and told me how much he loved me. He’d even given me the promise ring shortly after that.
    But in other ways, it was the start of our downward spiral where sex was…expected. I had always been physically attracted to Josh. So much so that sometimes I thought we might burst into flames, but the flames had ebbed into embers over a couple of months. That was what made me think that maybe sex wasn’t the best thing for us. It was suddenly our focus. Instead of playing a game of basketball together, we were in bed together. Instead of going out to dinner, we ordered delivery and never left his apartment.
    One could rationalize that if we couldn’t handle sex during dating, how would we sustain a marriage for fifty years? I think that the sheer idea that my sister had gotten pregnant before she was ready had me coming up short. Not to mention that we weren’t anywhere close to being able to afford a baby. And it just felt wrong to be doing something I’d been raised to say no to until my wedding night. What was the purpose of marriage if I didn’t wait? I loved Josh on every level and I knew he loved me. But this consuming doubt and hesitation I felt wasn’t okay. And it wasn’t fair to Josh.
    Harlow arched an eyebrow. “I’ll be honest I never saw it as a big deal. Sex was just sex, you know? And then Britty came along. But, I mean you and Josh would have ended up married anyway, right?”
    â€œI…I really thought I’d wait until I got married,” I finally admitted.
    Harlow wrinkled her nose. “How…religious of you.”
    â€œIt’s not just about religion,” I said with a frown. “It’s about doing what’s right. Pure. Doing what Mom and Dad raised me to do.”
    â€œPure? Who talks like that ?” Harlow asked. “But seriously, when did religion become such a big thing to you?”
    â€œReligion? What are you talking about?” Confusion made me stop and backtrack through our conversation. “Josh and I have been going to church with one of his roommates, but wanting to wait until we were married didn’t have anything to do with that. At least I don’t think it did.”
    â€œThen what did it have to do with?”
    Irritation flared again. Harlow never really changed. She liked to push my buttons. “I’m done with this conversation,” I said, standing up.
    Harlow shrugged. “Suit yourself. I’m just trying to understand where you’re coming from. And you know what? I don’t even think you know where you’re coming from. You should figure that out before you ruin your relationship even more. Unless that’s what you really want.”
    And that was it. Somehow Harlow had the last word. She picked up the remote and clicked on the TV, effectively dismissing me. I hovered on the brink of indecision for a moment before slinking back to the kitchen. Hayley and Mom were still fixing dinner, and they both gave me acknowledging nods as I entered. Dropping into a chair at the kitchen table, I brooded about what Harlow had said.