Cwtch Me If You Can by Beth Reekles Page A

romantic gestures, you know? I know it sounds shallow, but…’
    â€˜It doesn’t sound shallow.’
    â€˜I’m over him,’ I say, sure of it now. I told Cathy the same last night, over the phone, when I got home, and she was totally speechless. She said that it looked like I might be growing up.
    â€˜In that case…’ The corner of Sean’s lips twist up. ‘What would you say to going out to dinner with me?’
    I’m totally thrown. He’s blushing a little, and I think I must be, too.
    I want to say yes, so badly. But I think about every reason I have to say no, and all the times my heart has already been broken, and I know what my answer should be.
    I sigh. ‘Sean…’
    â€˜Or we could just go for coffee – only I thought you have enough of that here. We could go for drink somewhere? If you’d like?’
    I stare at him a little longer, speechless.
    â€˜Like, on a date,’ he clarifies.
    â€˜Oh. Right. Um, of course.’
    Like I didn’t already know that’s what you meant.
    â€˜Of course as in of course you’ll go out with me?’ His voice is bright, and hopeful. So is his smile. That wonderful, gorgeous smile.
    â€˜Sean, I… I don’t think it’s such a good idea.’
    â€˜If you really don’t fancy me, or whatever, then tell me. It’s okay. I’m a big boy, I can take it.’ He’s joking, but it’s half-hearted.
    â€˜No, it’s not that. Look, this isn’t the best time. What with trying to keep on top of my coursework, and my job, I’ve got enough on my plate without starting a new relationship, you know? I’m sorry.’
    I don’t mention that, knowing my luck, any relationship wouldn’t go anywhere anyway. Sean’s in his final year of his degree. He might do his teacher training somewhere else. I might never see him again after his exams, if he goes back home for the summer and then goes somewhere else to become a teacher.
    We’re just not meant to be.
    Because even though we keep running into each other, there’s no such thing as fate.
    The more I think about dating Sean, the more I convince myself it’ll end in heartbreak, and the more I convince myself I’m jinxed when it comes to romance.
    Sean smiles at me. ‘That’s okay. I understand. Your college class is important, and it’s great that you’re working so hard at it.’
    â€˜I’m sorry. I really am.’
    â€˜Don’t be. I understand.’
    And from the genuine smile still on his face, I believe he does.
    â€˜Well,’ he says then, reaching for a napkin from the pile nearby, ‘give me a pen. I’ll give you my number, and if you want a break from revision and work – a cup of tea, a few pints, whatever, then give me a call, and we can hang out. As mates, yeah?’
    I hand him the pen we use to write on the takeaway cups, and he carefully writes out his mobile number for me. I take it, and he takes his latte. ‘Thanks.’
    â€˜Seriously, any time. Just let me know.’
    â€˜I will,’ I promise him. ‘I will.’
    I don’t.
    I don’t call him, that is, because I’m not that stupid.
    I know how this would work out: we’d start hanging out as mates, and then we’d grow close quickly, and end up kissing, then going on a couple of casual dates, then we’d sleep together because I’d be head over heels for him, and then things will break down and he’ll break my heart. Just like all the others.
    So even though a couple of times I type out a text to him about meeting up for drinks later in the evening, or grabbing lunch somewhere to catch up, I don’t go through with it. I delete the texts and toss my phone aside. And I definitely don’t call him.
    â€˜I want to, don’t get me wrong,’ I tell Cathy over the phone. I’ve got my mobile tucked between my cheek and my