Cwtch Me If You Can by Beth Reekles Page B

shoulder, and I hunch over in my desk chair in my room, painting my toenails. They’re a fierce, bright blue. ‘But…’
    â€˜I’ve gotta be honest, I really didn’t think you were serious about this whole no-dating thing. You cried over that movie, John Tucker Must Die , for Christ’s sake. You cried over Mitch and Cam’s wedding in Modern Family . You’re hopeless for romance.’
    â€˜Are you always going to bring that up?’
    â€˜You know it.’
    I sigh, and say, ‘Look, I just know this is never going to work. I’m trying to be sensible and save myself the heartache.’
    â€˜And you’re missing out on a lot of fun in the meantime. Come on, he’s a nice guy! Why don’t you just go out as friends? Make it a group thing. I’ll come along, and you can get
    him to bring some mates, too. And then even if you two don’t get together, maybe I’ll hook up with one of his mates.’
    She laughs, and I roll my eyes, because she can’t see me do it. ‘I told you. I can’t just be friends with him.’
    â€˜Please, you haven’t even tried!’
    â€˜He is literally everything I could want in a guy. Smart. Good-looking. Funny. Nice. Lives kind of near. Has an idea of what he wants to do with his life. I cannot hang out with a guy like that and not fall for him.’
    â€˜If he’s so perfect, then –’
    I groan. ‘We’re going round in circles. Can we just not talk about Sean any more, please?’
    â€˜Fine,’ she mumbles. ‘But you brought him up.’
    â€˜Are you definitely coming back to the house tomorrow?’ The girls have exams coming up soon. Julia’s on holiday and won’t be back here for a week yet, and Ellie’s coming back on Wednesday, on the train. I’ve only been here a couple of days on my own, but it already feels lonely.
    â€˜Of course I am.’ We start talking about how we need to buy more soap and bleach for the house bathroom, and whether Cathy should take a break from revision with a girly movie night with me later this week.
    She tries to bring up the subject of Sean again, but I avoid it. All the talk of Sean, and relationships, is making me think about what a mess all my other relationships have been.
    I look under my bed, thinking about the train-wreck that is my love life history, and I’m distracted for the rest of the call.
    After I hang up the phone, and finish painting my toes, I reach underneath my bed and pull out the four shoeboxes there.
    I take the lids off and look inside them, thinking about the four guys who broke my heart. And I think, I deserve better than to hang on to all this crap.
    I grab the oldest shoebox. I suck in a deep breath, and upturn the box into my bin.
    I pick up the second box.
    I’m purging, I tell myself. I’m getting rid of all this bad energy. The next shoebox gets emptied into my bin, too.
    Maybe I should have burned all of this a long time ago, I think, looking at the now empty shoeboxes and my overflowing bin. Maybe burning it would make me feel better.
    Then there’s the final shoebox, with everything from my relationship with Will. The heart necklace he gave me is on the top, catching the light. I remember how happy I was when he gave it to me. How in love I was.
    I’ve always believed in love. In romance. In butterflies in my stomach telling me he’s The One! and that feeling so strong and so consuming that it could only be love.
    Now, the necklace clatters as it knocks against the metal of my bin. It’s a satisfying sort of sound.
    Looking at all the crap in my bin, I start thinking that maybe I never actually loved any of them, not really. I got caught up in the romance, but that’s not the same.
    I didn’t feel whatever I feel for Sean for any of the others.
    And if I’m being honest with myself, whatever I do feel for Sean scares me.

Chapter Eight
    Without