Last week she came up to me and asked me why my roommate was a son of a bitch.”
I glared at Jane as she looked over in my direction. She looked guilty. “My roommate has a giant mouth,” she said to no one in particular.
“What’s your roommate’s name?” Dallas asked, grabbing the directory from Jane.
“Pam.”
Dallas paused in his flipping. He looked over at Linda with confusion. “But I thought...”
“What’s her last name?” I asked, moving to stand beside Dallas.
“We can’t prank call her. She’s probably taking a nap with earplugs in and won’t answer the phone. Let’s just do it to LaVerne,” Jane said.
Dallas tossed me the directory and went to grab the portable phone. I dictated the phone number of our old room to Dallas, who dialed it. He went over to the speaker and held the phone up to it. Jane clicked at the computer.
Princess Leia’s voice rang out, calling LaVerne a “scruffy-looking nerfherder.” I giggled as Dallas quickly hit the End Call button and Jane glared at me.
“Tammy, you can’t laugh,” Dallas admonished me. “It gives you away.”
“You do sort of have an unmistakable voice,” Linda told me.
“I didn’t say anything. I just laughed. It was funny.”
“Haven’t you ever prank-called anyone before?” my roommate asked, as if it were something she did every day.
I laid the directory on the nearest desk. “We should go. I have to get back and study.”
“Bye, Dallas!” we called as a chorus as we left Ibsen. He stood at the doorway and watched us walk down the path.
As soon as Linda, Jane, and I entered Gandhi, we spied ole’ Vernie waiting outside our room.
“Tammy, I know that was you.”
“What was me?”
“Don’t try that innocent act on me.”
“What innocent act?”
She gave me the evil eye and slammed her fist into other hand as I tried not to look intimidated, even though I was terrified, sure she was going to beat me up. I hope Dallas is worth it. Linda stood beside me, but didn’t say anything as Vernie loomed over us. Any moment I expected her to pick me up and dump me in the garbage can, which she had done to one of our dormmates a few days before when the dormmate didn’t ask LaVerne if she wanted in on ordering pizza.
Jane had ducked into my room. I thought she had sacrificed me to LaVerne’s revenge, but she came back out into the hall. “Hey, Tammy, didn’t you want to see if you left your notebook in LaVerne’s room when you moved out?”
I gave Jane a blank look. She gave me an exaggerated wink. I decided to go along with her. “Yeah. My notebook. I think it might be under Linda’s old bed.”
LaVerne dropped her arms. “Okay, whatever. C’mon,” she said in her deep voice. She turned down the hallway.
I looked over at Jane. She shrugged, and so I turned to follow LaVerne, Jane and Linda behind me. I was in awe at the strength of LaVerne’s flip-flops as she descended the steps. Her large feet, which hung halfway out of them, appeared to be the horizontal part of her continuous calf muscle, with no discernable tapering to an ankle. She apparently had no qualms about wearing tank tops; I could see the indent in her arms from her bicep. I marveled at Laverne’s overall sheer size and silently thanked Jane for the distraction from the possible beating. There was more to thank, however, for not more than a few seconds after we arrived in my old room, the phone rang again. LaVerne narrowed her eyes at the three of us and picked up her phone, holding it out away from her ear.
“Hello?”
Cartman from South Park screamed out, “Beefcake, BEEFCAKE!” from the receiver. LaVerne hung up the phone and stared at us again with her chin lowered and her mouth hanging open. I raised my eyebrows back at her and tried to hide my triumphant smirk.
“Okay, so whoever is helping you has really good timing.”
“I guess Tammy’s notebook isn’t here after all, LaVerne. We’ll see you later,” Jane said,
I glared at Jane as she looked over in my direction. She looked guilty. “My roommate has a giant mouth,” she said to no one in particular.
“What’s your roommate’s name?” Dallas asked, grabbing the directory from Jane.
“Pam.”
Dallas paused in his flipping. He looked over at Linda with confusion. “But I thought...”
“What’s her last name?” I asked, moving to stand beside Dallas.
“We can’t prank call her. She’s probably taking a nap with earplugs in and won’t answer the phone. Let’s just do it to LaVerne,” Jane said.
Dallas tossed me the directory and went to grab the portable phone. I dictated the phone number of our old room to Dallas, who dialed it. He went over to the speaker and held the phone up to it. Jane clicked at the computer.
Princess Leia’s voice rang out, calling LaVerne a “scruffy-looking nerfherder.” I giggled as Dallas quickly hit the End Call button and Jane glared at me.
“Tammy, you can’t laugh,” Dallas admonished me. “It gives you away.”
“You do sort of have an unmistakable voice,” Linda told me.
“I didn’t say anything. I just laughed. It was funny.”
“Haven’t you ever prank-called anyone before?” my roommate asked, as if it were something she did every day.
I laid the directory on the nearest desk. “We should go. I have to get back and study.”
“Bye, Dallas!” we called as a chorus as we left Ibsen. He stood at the doorway and watched us walk down the path.
As soon as Linda, Jane, and I entered Gandhi, we spied ole’ Vernie waiting outside our room.
“Tammy, I know that was you.”
“What was me?”
“Don’t try that innocent act on me.”
“What innocent act?”
She gave me the evil eye and slammed her fist into other hand as I tried not to look intimidated, even though I was terrified, sure she was going to beat me up. I hope Dallas is worth it. Linda stood beside me, but didn’t say anything as Vernie loomed over us. Any moment I expected her to pick me up and dump me in the garbage can, which she had done to one of our dormmates a few days before when the dormmate didn’t ask LaVerne if she wanted in on ordering pizza.
Jane had ducked into my room. I thought she had sacrificed me to LaVerne’s revenge, but she came back out into the hall. “Hey, Tammy, didn’t you want to see if you left your notebook in LaVerne’s room when you moved out?”
I gave Jane a blank look. She gave me an exaggerated wink. I decided to go along with her. “Yeah. My notebook. I think it might be under Linda’s old bed.”
LaVerne dropped her arms. “Okay, whatever. C’mon,” she said in her deep voice. She turned down the hallway.
I looked over at Jane. She shrugged, and so I turned to follow LaVerne, Jane and Linda behind me. I was in awe at the strength of LaVerne’s flip-flops as she descended the steps. Her large feet, which hung halfway out of them, appeared to be the horizontal part of her continuous calf muscle, with no discernable tapering to an ankle. She apparently had no qualms about wearing tank tops; I could see the indent in her arms from her bicep. I marveled at Laverne’s overall sheer size and silently thanked Jane for the distraction from the possible beating. There was more to thank, however, for not more than a few seconds after we arrived in my old room, the phone rang again. LaVerne narrowed her eyes at the three of us and picked up her phone, holding it out away from her ear.
“Hello?”
Cartman from South Park screamed out, “Beefcake, BEEFCAKE!” from the receiver. LaVerne hung up the phone and stared at us again with her chin lowered and her mouth hanging open. I raised my eyebrows back at her and tried to hide my triumphant smirk.
“Okay, so whoever is helping you has really good timing.”
“I guess Tammy’s notebook isn’t here after all, LaVerne. We’ll see you later,” Jane said,
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