after you with a shotgun?â
âHe threw a glass of wine over me at a book launch, if thatâs what you mean.â
âAnd now two other women have come forward to say what a heartless beast you are,â Carolyn says.
âAxe-grinders, the pair of them. Oneâs a novelist who didnât like what I wrote about her latest book, and the other is a well-known self-publicist.â
âSo not an atom of truth in their allegations of hanky-panky,â says Charlie.
âAn atom, maybe. No more than that. Look, can we change the subject?â Fergus looks round.
âCome into the kitchen.â
Ah God, that kitchen. Cream-coloured Aga, Welsh dresser crowded with pretty pieces of china, double sink, magnet-cutesy fridge door covered with kiddy-art. Something to aspire to, or something to shun? Fergus the Aganaut. A terrible beauty . . .
âCharles, donât you think Fergus is looking a bit seedy?â Carolyn asks.
Charlie, busy with bottles, blundering round the kitchen like a balding bear, considers his friend. âIâve certainly seen him look better.â
âSomething must be done,â says his wife.
Charlie sighs. âWhat kind of a something do we have to do?â
âFergus here needs a stabilizing influence. We have to marry him off. For his own sake as much as for all those betrayed women,â Carolyn says, the bit between her teeth, his future assured in her capable hands. âI mean, just look at him.â
Fergus lifts his shoulders. âIâm probably constipated.â
âConstipation of the heart rather than the bowels, if you ask me,â Carolyn says.
âWouldnât it be easier to prescribe me a paregoric or send me on a nice bracing visit to the seaside? Getting married seems a little drastic.â
âDrastic measures are whatâs called for.â
âGot someone in mind, Caro?â asks Charlie, filling three glasses and handing them round.
âI was thinking that there might be someone coming this afternoon who would be just right for him.â
âWho?â
âI donât know, but . . .â
âWhy should there be?â asks Fergus. âHow easy is it for two totally random entities to meet in the right place at the right time?â
âIsnât that a definition of falling in love?â
âMan exists in an eternity of single atoms spinning out of the void and eventually disappearing back into it. Thereâs no guarantee heâll ever connect to any of the other similarly spinning atoms around him.â
âMaybe today youâll get lucky and bump into another atom.â Carolyn leans forward with a brilliant smile. â
I
know! Theo Cairns!â
âTheo? The anal retentive?â says Charlie.
âIf you wish to be so insensitive about someone whoâs practically family, well, yes.â
Charlie pulls a face. âYou know I love her dearly. Sheâs like my second sister. But youâve got to admit sheâs kind of ââ He waves his hands in the air as though hoping the right word will fly into them â â
edgy
. Would I wish her on my friend Fergus, the freest spirit of them all?â
âShe might be exactly what he needs.â
âYou could be right,â Charlie says thoughtfully. âTrouble is, sheâs carrying an awful lot of baggage.â
âArenât we all?â
âWell, no, actually. Not us. Your family, my family? Not a lot of baggage there â unless you mean the expensive Louis Vuitton kind.â
âFergusâs got baggage, too.â
âThatâs what I mean. Between him and Theo, thereâs so much baggage theyâd never be able to lift it off the ground.â
âHell-
oh-
o.â Fergus taps the side of his glass. âAnyone home?â
The two of them stare at him as though theyâre not sure who he is. âWhat?â
âFirst of all, who
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