Tags:
Suspense,
Romance,
Psychology,
Suicide,
new adult,
Erotic,
College romance,
young love,
Eternal Press,
dare,
breathe,
M. Homer,
Dare to Breathe,
9781629290898,
Childhood abuse
voice makes me sound bitter.
“Oh honey, you have to give yourself a break…a little time to sort this through,” she says into the phone. “It’s great that you want to start working on this now, and I am so very proud of you,” I hear her continue tearfully.
I know for twelve years they have been trying to get me to talk about the dreams that haunt me, but I have never been able to face those demons.
“Why can’t I remember my birth mother?” I ask her silently, crying now, “and what happened to my brothers…?”
I hear her gasp. “You remember them?” is all she manages.
“What? Yes, I see them in my nightmares Mom, all the time!” I almost shout back at her. “Well, not my mom, never my mom but the boys. I see their faces,” I add.
“Look honey, it is almost Christmas. Let’s talk about it when you come home okay? This is not something for a casual discussion over the phone.”
I want to argue and complain but I know in my heart, she is right.
“In the meantime, why don’t you see if the college has a counselor they recommend? Perhaps someone who can help you with the nightmares until we see you?”
I close my eyes and consider her words. Can I do this? I realize that for the first time in my life, I really do want to move forward. I am sick of being scared, of not fitting in and just living my life. I want to do this not just for myself but for the future work I want to do, the people I want to be with and the changes I want to make in my world.
“Okay, Mom,” I whisper. “I love you. Please tell Dad I love him too.”
“You too sweetie and hang in there okay? We will get to the bottom of this, I promise,” she replies with undisguised hope seeping through every word.
After I hang up, I wonder why we have never spoken about this before but I guess I never let them in. I am scared and worried about what they will tell me when I go home and I walk back in a daze. I have a vague seed of hope that I may get to the bottom of my problems.
* * * *
“Whoa it is madness out there.” Sally comes into the kitchen where Beth and I are working hard. “Sam, how do you feel about making the coffees today?”
“Hell yeah!” I shout, overjoyed to get out of the hot kitchen. I walk out behind the counter and start making cup after cup of coffee. Whatever happened to regular instant coffee I ponder as I make yet another cup of mocha with soya milk.
“Hey you.” I look up and see Nathan with his beautiful arms around yet another beautiful girl. His hair looks windswept and his eyes are bright and shining. He looks happy . I glance over to the girl wondering if she is the reason he looks so relaxed. The thought makes my heart drop.
“Hi,” I mumble back. God I am jealous !
“We’ll have two lattes and a piece of that awesome looking cake. Wait, you didn’t make it, right?” he asks, pointing to it with a mock look of disgust.
“No you ass, Beth made it!” I smirk back, feeling light-hearted. Even seeing him with someone else, seeing this happy, playful side of him makes me feel pleased.
The girl in his arms fidgets and rubs his stomach. “You gonna introduce me to your friend?” she asks him in an annoyingly whiney voice.
I raise my eyebrows at him, and of course he notices, scowling slightly at me as if to say, ‘don’t judge!’
“Um, yeah Jane—Sam. Sam, this is Jane,” he says.
We both mumble ‘Hi’ to each other and then I hastily go back to making the coffees and getting them their chocolate mousse cake.
I watch as they head to a table and sit close together. Nathan leans back in his chair while Jane happily talks to him, feeding him pieces of cake in between her endless chatter.
I roll my eyes and focus on my job, but I get three orders in a row wrong and Sally quickly ushers me back into the kitchen muttering words about hormones and stupid men.
“They’re gone,” Sally says, walking into the kitchen a half hour later.
“Well, thank the Lord for that!”
Kit Power
Joy Fielding
Julia Crane
Delilah Wilde
Stephen R. Donaldson
Angela Carlie
Dorothy Garlock
Brad Stone
Jean Plaidy
Catherine Bateson