Dark Solace by Tara Fox Hall Page B

feel like I was important, to matter so
much to him. But the truth was I was not on his level.
    “How can you look at me like that, when I’m
trying to tell you how I feel?” Dev said, tears again forming in
his eyes. “Like I can’t mean a word of it.”
    “Because I want so badly to believe you,” I
replied morosely. “I wanted you to love me, to want me, from the
moment I first saw you. That’s why I asked you for that fantasy
back last fall—”
    “I told you the truth! None of it was lies,
Sar!”
    “I wanted so badly to mean something to
you.”
    “I’m telling you that you do! I’ve been
telling you now for almost a year! Why won’t you believe me?”
    I put out my hand, and touched the silk
coverlet gently. “I didn’t want to let down my guard. I was afraid
of you breaking my heart if I let myself trust that you loved me.”
I swallowed hard, tears forming in my eyes. “I finally did though.
When I came to you that night, I just wanted you to feel the baby
kick—”
    “Sar, I’m so sorry—”
    “— and when I saw you...with her, it was
just as crushing as I’d imagined. I called myself an idiot then,
for knowing you were going to break my heart and letting myself
love you anyway.”
    “I have called myself worse in these months
we’ve been apart for doing that to you. I could give you my
reasons, but they were selfish reasons, and there is no
excuse—”
    “Stop talking about it,” I said softly,
brushing my tears away. “I don’t know if I can forget or forgive
you for that, Devlin. But if you tell me you won’t see her ever
again, that can be a beginning.”
    “I’ve not spoken to or seen her since that
night,” he said, coming to sit again by my side. “And I won’t,
Love. That’s a promise.”
    “But you’re right about something.” I took a
deep breath, steeling myself for what I needed to say. “You asked
me once if I was afraid because I wasn’t enough of a woman to hold
on to your love. Do you remember that?”
    Anguish replaced Devlin’s hopeful expression.
“Sar, please—”
    “Do you?” I said sharply.
    “Yes, of course. I’m so sorry—”
    “I was afraid,” I said, wiping more tears out
of my eyes. “I have always been afraid of that. I never thought
Theo or Danial would grow bored with me, or that I wouldn’t be
enough for them.” I took a deep, deep breath, and let it out. “But
I doubted myself with you. I told myself repeatedly not to get too
attached to you, because you weren’t going to be interested in me
for long. Because I know in my heart that I’m not enough to hold
onto someone like you—”
    Devlin laughed quietly.
    I shot him an angry look. “Why are you
laughing?”
    “Because I was afraid that I was not enough
for you,” he said bitterly. “Not good enough, not kind enough, not
loving enough, not decent enough.” He brought my hand to his lips.
“Perhaps we were both wrong.”
    “You’re a king among men and vampires,” I
said in exasperation, pulling my hand out of his grasp “You’re a
dream come to life, Devlin.”
    Devlin grasped my hand and yanked me forward
into his arms. “That is where you’re wrong, Sarelle. I am not God,
or a king, or even a dream. I’m just a man who wants to be loved.”
He touched his lips to mine, brushing lightly. “A man that wants
your love.”
    I sighed. “If you truly wanted me for more
than sex, Dev, why is that all we ever did?”
    Dev gaped at me, blinking. “What else did you
want to do? You never mentioned—”
    I narrowed my eyes. “I was your guest in your
home for months, Dev. When I visited, we’d have sex, we’d sometimes
go out to Davy’s or we’d sleep. You’ve never treated me as anything
but a lover.”
    Devlin stared at me, aghast. “Why did you
never tell me you felt like this?” he whispered.
    “I thought that was just how things were,” I
answered, suddenly awkward. “That you were treating me like that
because things were temporary. I felt bad