” For the first time I faltered, because my next words weren’t about our unborn baby, but about us, and that felt like much more dangerous ground. “ — And I really hope we can experience that together.”
I’d been expecting a dismissal, or at most another one of those infuriating shrugs. What I hadn’t expected was for him to reach out and pull me against him, to feel his arms go around me in an embrace so fierce it almost suffocated me. Not that I minded, of course. What was a little missing breath when the man you thought you’d lost forever takes you in his arms like that?
His lips brushed the top of my hair. “I want that, too,” he murmured. “I want that more than anything.”
Even as my heart leapt at those words, I couldn’t help pulling away slightly so I could cast a quizzical glance up at him. “Not that I’m not totally thrilled to hear that, Connor, but if that’s the case, why the radio silence? I’ve spent the last few months thinking you never wanted to see me again.”
He did look shamefaced at that remark. “I know, I know. It’s been killing me.”
I raised an eyebrow.
“I mean it, Angela.” A pause, and he added, “That is, I did feel that way for the first week. I was furious with you — and with myself — thinking there must have been another solution, some way to save Damon. And I was having to deal with that while finding myself suddenly primus of my clan, and settling Damon’s affairs, which weren’t trivial, either, and — well, I was in a bad place.”
“I’m sorry,” I said softly. All that time I’d been agonizing over losing him, and I’d barely spared a thought for what he must be going through on his end. He’d never thought he would be primus , never thought he’d have to do anything except live quietly in his brother’s shadow. And while I certainly didn’t claim to know much about wills and trusts and all that, I could only imagine that managing the disposition of Damon’s estate probably hadn’t been terribly easy.
A hint of surprise flitted over his features, and then he shook his head. “You don’t need to be. I mean, after my head cleared, I realized there really wasn’t anything else any of us could have done. In clearing out the house and getting it ready for sale — ”
“You didn’t keep it?” I asked, surprised despite myself. For some reason I’d thought Connor would hold on to the house, if only for a while longer.
“How could I? My brother died there. Jessica was murdered there. He left it to me, but I sure as hell didn’t want it. So I sold the whole place — furniture and everything — for a price that Lucas told me was criminally low. But I didn’t care.”
I supposed I could see that. After all, I was used to talking to ghosts, and even I wouldn’t have felt all that comfortable living in a house where two people had died. After I nodded, Connor continued,
“Anyway, when I was clearing out the house, I came across some of Damon’s papers, his writing. Most of it was theoretical stuff I couldn’t make much sense of, but it wasn’t until I read what he’d written that I understood how insanely obsessed he was with you, with using your powers to break the curse. I guess I’d realized it on some level, but seeing it written down really brought it home to me.” Connor reached out and took my hands in his, and I wanted to weep at feeling those familiar strong fingers wrap around mine, comforting, real . “He doomed himself, Angela — and he did so knowingly, and willingly. I still haven’t forgiven him for that.” Green eyes searched my face, urgent, pleading. “But I did forgive you. There really was nothing else you could have done.”
Oh, how I’d longed to hear him say that! Even so, I asked, “Then why didn’t you call me? I’ve been dying a little every day I haven’t heard from you. All this time we could have been together — ”
“I know,” he said, the guilt clear in his voice. “And
I’d been expecting a dismissal, or at most another one of those infuriating shrugs. What I hadn’t expected was for him to reach out and pull me against him, to feel his arms go around me in an embrace so fierce it almost suffocated me. Not that I minded, of course. What was a little missing breath when the man you thought you’d lost forever takes you in his arms like that?
His lips brushed the top of my hair. “I want that, too,” he murmured. “I want that more than anything.”
Even as my heart leapt at those words, I couldn’t help pulling away slightly so I could cast a quizzical glance up at him. “Not that I’m not totally thrilled to hear that, Connor, but if that’s the case, why the radio silence? I’ve spent the last few months thinking you never wanted to see me again.”
He did look shamefaced at that remark. “I know, I know. It’s been killing me.”
I raised an eyebrow.
“I mean it, Angela.” A pause, and he added, “That is, I did feel that way for the first week. I was furious with you — and with myself — thinking there must have been another solution, some way to save Damon. And I was having to deal with that while finding myself suddenly primus of my clan, and settling Damon’s affairs, which weren’t trivial, either, and — well, I was in a bad place.”
“I’m sorry,” I said softly. All that time I’d been agonizing over losing him, and I’d barely spared a thought for what he must be going through on his end. He’d never thought he would be primus , never thought he’d have to do anything except live quietly in his brother’s shadow. And while I certainly didn’t claim to know much about wills and trusts and all that, I could only imagine that managing the disposition of Damon’s estate probably hadn’t been terribly easy.
A hint of surprise flitted over his features, and then he shook his head. “You don’t need to be. I mean, after my head cleared, I realized there really wasn’t anything else any of us could have done. In clearing out the house and getting it ready for sale — ”
“You didn’t keep it?” I asked, surprised despite myself. For some reason I’d thought Connor would hold on to the house, if only for a while longer.
“How could I? My brother died there. Jessica was murdered there. He left it to me, but I sure as hell didn’t want it. So I sold the whole place — furniture and everything — for a price that Lucas told me was criminally low. But I didn’t care.”
I supposed I could see that. After all, I was used to talking to ghosts, and even I wouldn’t have felt all that comfortable living in a house where two people had died. After I nodded, Connor continued,
“Anyway, when I was clearing out the house, I came across some of Damon’s papers, his writing. Most of it was theoretical stuff I couldn’t make much sense of, but it wasn’t until I read what he’d written that I understood how insanely obsessed he was with you, with using your powers to break the curse. I guess I’d realized it on some level, but seeing it written down really brought it home to me.” Connor reached out and took my hands in his, and I wanted to weep at feeling those familiar strong fingers wrap around mine, comforting, real . “He doomed himself, Angela — and he did so knowingly, and willingly. I still haven’t forgiven him for that.” Green eyes searched my face, urgent, pleading. “But I did forgive you. There really was nothing else you could have done.”
Oh, how I’d longed to hear him say that! Even so, I asked, “Then why didn’t you call me? I’ve been dying a little every day I haven’t heard from you. All this time we could have been together — ”
“I know,” he said, the guilt clear in his voice. “And
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