started dating Sarah right after we broke up, right? Did you leave me for her?”
He was looking at me knowingly now, and I swallowed hard. “No.”
He shook his head. “That’s bullshit, Katie. C’mon.”
“I didn’t,” I insisted. “That happened after. All of it.”
“And you expect me to believe our breakup was totally about the two of us even though you switched teams and started dating your best friend within a few weeks? We were together for a year .”
“Look, I broke up with you because I never had feelings for you, okay?” I burst, and it was like the floodgates in my chest had been opened, and everything I’d held back to spare his feelings when we’d broken up came pouring out now. “You were my first everything, and I know that that’s special and all, but I just didn’t feel the way about you that I could tell you felt about me. You were a nice guy, and I felt pressured to start dating because all of my friends were doing it. I mean, I cared about you, but it wasn’t-”
“Like it is with her,” he cut me off. His eyes were looking past me again, at Sarah. “I get it. So you really always were gay.” He turned away, adding a quick, “See you,” and I had to bite my tongue to stop myself from correcting him as he walked away; to stop myself from pointing out that just because I didn’t like him didn’t mean I didn’t like boys. But that would’ve blown my cover, and so I let him walk away, and then rejoined Sarah by her car, where she was leaning against it, idly examining her fingernails.
“What’d he want?” she asked.
“Validation,” I told her shortly, and she wisely didn’t ask any more questions.
Despite my conversation with Austin, Sarah and I had an amusing drive home. As it turned out, she’d been worse than me; I’d feared she’d tease me when I revealed that The L Word was actually mildly addicting, but in reality I’d showed restraint where she had not. The young adult novel she’d found had taken four hours to read, and so that’s what Sarah had done from about six to ten o’clock last night.
“And how was the ending? Satisfying?” I asked her, grinning from ear to ear.
“Shut up. It was okay. They didn’t end up together though, which was total bullshit.”
“Why not? It seems pointless otherwise.”
“Well, one of the chicks was just experimenting, so she went back to guys and the other one realized she was actually into girls. The story was more about the second girl, I think. Anyway, how was The L Word ?”
“Uh, sexual.” I shrugged.
“Sounds like my kind of show,” she joked. “So how many episodes did you watch?”
“Just the one I was supposed to.” I shot her a sly smile. “Why, did you expect me to have spent, say… four hours on it?”
“Shut up!” she repeated, but she was hiding a smile. “It was a good book. What happened on the show, seriously?”
“Um… I don’t know. Girls hooked up, there was this writer girl with a boyfriend – Jenny – but you can tell she’s gonna realize she’s gay.”
“So what I’m gathering from this is that you should know how to have lesbian sex now.”
“Oh, I’m an expert.” I rolled my eyes at her as she chuckled. “I’ll teach you all about it.”
“I’m sure you will.” She winked as we pulled into my driveway, and I rolled my eyes again as I got out of the car.
“Thanks for the ride.”
“Anything for my girlfriend.” She grinned. “Especially since we’re cute together!”
“The obsession never stops,” I deadpanned, waving goodbye to her.
“Never!” she called back as she drove away.
I dodged dinner this time and spent the rest of the night in my room alone, absorbing and reevaluating everything I’d been through in the past few days.
I was torn on what to do about Sarah and I’s little ruse. She’d hate the idea of calling it off now, I knew, given that she’d gotten one more word than usual out of Sam, but I didn’t feel
He was looking at me knowingly now, and I swallowed hard. “No.”
He shook his head. “That’s bullshit, Katie. C’mon.”
“I didn’t,” I insisted. “That happened after. All of it.”
“And you expect me to believe our breakup was totally about the two of us even though you switched teams and started dating your best friend within a few weeks? We were together for a year .”
“Look, I broke up with you because I never had feelings for you, okay?” I burst, and it was like the floodgates in my chest had been opened, and everything I’d held back to spare his feelings when we’d broken up came pouring out now. “You were my first everything, and I know that that’s special and all, but I just didn’t feel the way about you that I could tell you felt about me. You were a nice guy, and I felt pressured to start dating because all of my friends were doing it. I mean, I cared about you, but it wasn’t-”
“Like it is with her,” he cut me off. His eyes were looking past me again, at Sarah. “I get it. So you really always were gay.” He turned away, adding a quick, “See you,” and I had to bite my tongue to stop myself from correcting him as he walked away; to stop myself from pointing out that just because I didn’t like him didn’t mean I didn’t like boys. But that would’ve blown my cover, and so I let him walk away, and then rejoined Sarah by her car, where she was leaning against it, idly examining her fingernails.
“What’d he want?” she asked.
“Validation,” I told her shortly, and she wisely didn’t ask any more questions.
Despite my conversation with Austin, Sarah and I had an amusing drive home. As it turned out, she’d been worse than me; I’d feared she’d tease me when I revealed that The L Word was actually mildly addicting, but in reality I’d showed restraint where she had not. The young adult novel she’d found had taken four hours to read, and so that’s what Sarah had done from about six to ten o’clock last night.
“And how was the ending? Satisfying?” I asked her, grinning from ear to ear.
“Shut up. It was okay. They didn’t end up together though, which was total bullshit.”
“Why not? It seems pointless otherwise.”
“Well, one of the chicks was just experimenting, so she went back to guys and the other one realized she was actually into girls. The story was more about the second girl, I think. Anyway, how was The L Word ?”
“Uh, sexual.” I shrugged.
“Sounds like my kind of show,” she joked. “So how many episodes did you watch?”
“Just the one I was supposed to.” I shot her a sly smile. “Why, did you expect me to have spent, say… four hours on it?”
“Shut up!” she repeated, but she was hiding a smile. “It was a good book. What happened on the show, seriously?”
“Um… I don’t know. Girls hooked up, there was this writer girl with a boyfriend – Jenny – but you can tell she’s gonna realize she’s gay.”
“So what I’m gathering from this is that you should know how to have lesbian sex now.”
“Oh, I’m an expert.” I rolled my eyes at her as she chuckled. “I’ll teach you all about it.”
“I’m sure you will.” She winked as we pulled into my driveway, and I rolled my eyes again as I got out of the car.
“Thanks for the ride.”
“Anything for my girlfriend.” She grinned. “Especially since we’re cute together!”
“The obsession never stops,” I deadpanned, waving goodbye to her.
“Never!” she called back as she drove away.
I dodged dinner this time and spent the rest of the night in my room alone, absorbing and reevaluating everything I’d been through in the past few days.
I was torn on what to do about Sarah and I’s little ruse. She’d hate the idea of calling it off now, I knew, given that she’d gotten one more word than usual out of Sam, but I didn’t feel
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