heart and soul. He was my soul mate, you see? One knows when their other half is gone, and when it is time to move on. I cannot remain here without him.
I rest underneath the family tree and I only hope that I will find you, Ronan and Ritchie during my slumber. If you are reading this, I have made a terrible mistake. I only hope you can forgive me.
All my love , Mom.
I sat down in the chair and buried my face into my knees. They were both gone. My parents were gone. I knew it long ago but the note shoved my fears into reality. I felt my chest contract and an immediate pain took the place of the air in my lungs. For a second time in a few short months, I felt the enormity of loss.
I was alone. I could weep. And I did.
After my emotional tirade, I was confident no one was in the house. If the sound of my outburst didn’t bring any resident homicidals looking for me, it was safe to say the house was clear. Yet I quickly searched each room to be sure, including the basement and attic.
A few minutes later I brought Ronan into the house and explained that his grandparents were gone. His calm expression told me he expected this as he put his tiny hands up to my face.
“ It’s okay, Mommy.”
Those two words made my lips purse and nose crinkle while a few tears escaped from the corners of my eyes. I put my hand on his shoulders and pulled him toward me so that I could kiss his golden head.
“I love you so much,” I whispered.
“I love you, too, Mommy.”
I pushed him back gently and looked at him with wide eyes and a forced smile.
“But we’re home now baby. No more being on the road, that’s the good thing. So now, we have to start working on our plan, okay?”
“Okay.” He shook his head for me and then waited for instructions.
“This is your home now. Go ahead. Look around. I’m going to cover the windows before the sun goes down.”
“Do the lights work?”
I reached over and flicked the switch. The light above flickered and then stayed bright, illuminating the room in incandescent, bright light - a sudden change from the pale twilight which had formerly cast the room in dark grays and browns. Ronan sucked in his breath and his dimples puckered at the difference.
“I was pretty sure we did. The fridge was still on,” I said as I motioned towards the stainless steel monstrosity. I turned the light off and it was as if we were suddenly cast into night time. The bright electric light had tricked our eyes. “But first, I have to cover the windows.” Ronan assented and left to explore the house.
Ther e were a lot of windows but my mother had a lot of quilts stored away in the attic. Mom had been an avid quilter and never could get rid of the ones she made. They were heavy and would be perfect for the job. It took two hours and just as the sun was completely gone, I had draped the last quilt over a window in the guest bedroom upstairs.
I put Ronan to bed in my old bedroom which still retained an air of childhood in it. I took the guest bedroom with the twin bed. I would have preferred a double, but I lacked the strength to sleep in my parents’ old bedroom, let alone their bed. The fall from exhaustion into deep slumber took only minutes.
I pulled Ronan in close to me with my arms and stretched my legs out straight from our spooning position. He had crawled into bed with me during the night and I gratefully accepted him into my arms. I should have slept with him in my old room. Hearing the rhythmic child-sized inhales and exhales and feeling the warmth of a tiny body pressed against me is the most satisfying type of comfort a mother can feel.
I arched my spine and rolled over onto my back, letting my arms pull my body as they reached out above me. Being in a twin bed felt like sleeping on a California king compared to living in the cramped trailer for two months.
“Mom?”
“Hush, baby. You can keep sleeping. Mama’s got something she needs to do.”
“Okay,” he mumbled as he began to
I rest underneath the family tree and I only hope that I will find you, Ronan and Ritchie during my slumber. If you are reading this, I have made a terrible mistake. I only hope you can forgive me.
All my love , Mom.
I sat down in the chair and buried my face into my knees. They were both gone. My parents were gone. I knew it long ago but the note shoved my fears into reality. I felt my chest contract and an immediate pain took the place of the air in my lungs. For a second time in a few short months, I felt the enormity of loss.
I was alone. I could weep. And I did.
After my emotional tirade, I was confident no one was in the house. If the sound of my outburst didn’t bring any resident homicidals looking for me, it was safe to say the house was clear. Yet I quickly searched each room to be sure, including the basement and attic.
A few minutes later I brought Ronan into the house and explained that his grandparents were gone. His calm expression told me he expected this as he put his tiny hands up to my face.
“ It’s okay, Mommy.”
Those two words made my lips purse and nose crinkle while a few tears escaped from the corners of my eyes. I put my hand on his shoulders and pulled him toward me so that I could kiss his golden head.
“I love you so much,” I whispered.
“I love you, too, Mommy.”
I pushed him back gently and looked at him with wide eyes and a forced smile.
“But we’re home now baby. No more being on the road, that’s the good thing. So now, we have to start working on our plan, okay?”
“Okay.” He shook his head for me and then waited for instructions.
“This is your home now. Go ahead. Look around. I’m going to cover the windows before the sun goes down.”
“Do the lights work?”
I reached over and flicked the switch. The light above flickered and then stayed bright, illuminating the room in incandescent, bright light - a sudden change from the pale twilight which had formerly cast the room in dark grays and browns. Ronan sucked in his breath and his dimples puckered at the difference.
“I was pretty sure we did. The fridge was still on,” I said as I motioned towards the stainless steel monstrosity. I turned the light off and it was as if we were suddenly cast into night time. The bright electric light had tricked our eyes. “But first, I have to cover the windows.” Ronan assented and left to explore the house.
Ther e were a lot of windows but my mother had a lot of quilts stored away in the attic. Mom had been an avid quilter and never could get rid of the ones she made. They were heavy and would be perfect for the job. It took two hours and just as the sun was completely gone, I had draped the last quilt over a window in the guest bedroom upstairs.
I put Ronan to bed in my old bedroom which still retained an air of childhood in it. I took the guest bedroom with the twin bed. I would have preferred a double, but I lacked the strength to sleep in my parents’ old bedroom, let alone their bed. The fall from exhaustion into deep slumber took only minutes.
I pulled Ronan in close to me with my arms and stretched my legs out straight from our spooning position. He had crawled into bed with me during the night and I gratefully accepted him into my arms. I should have slept with him in my old room. Hearing the rhythmic child-sized inhales and exhales and feeling the warmth of a tiny body pressed against me is the most satisfying type of comfort a mother can feel.
I arched my spine and rolled over onto my back, letting my arms pull my body as they reached out above me. Being in a twin bed felt like sleeping on a California king compared to living in the cramped trailer for two months.
“Mom?”
“Hush, baby. You can keep sleeping. Mama’s got something she needs to do.”
“Okay,” he mumbled as he began to
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