Angels in America by Tony Kushner

And if he had come back broken and defeated from war, she would have loved him even more. And if he had returned mutilated, ugly, full of infection and horror, she would still have loved him; fed by pity, by a sharing of pain, she would love him even more, and even more, and she would never, never have prayed to God, please let him die if he can’t return to me whole and healthy and able to live a normal life . . . If he had died, she would have buried her heart with him.
    Â Â Â Â Â  So what the fuck is the matter with me?
    Â Â Â Â Â  (Little pause)
    Â Â Â Â Â  Will he sleep through the night?
    EMILY : At least.
    LOUIS : I’m going.
    EMILY : It’s one A.M. Where do you have to go at—
    LOUIS : I know what time it is. A walk. Night air, good for the . . . (Quickly brushing his hand across his heart; then) The park.
    EMILY : Be careful.
    LOUIS : Yeah. Danger.
    Â Â Â Â Â  Tell him, if he wakes up and you’re still on, tell him good-bye, tell him I had to go.
    Scene 4
    Same night. Split scene: Joe and Roy sitting at the bar in an elegant restaurant; Louis and a Man, dressed in leather, in the Ramble in Central Park. Roy’s in a tuxedo, bowtie loosened. He’s been drinking heavily, a rye and soda before him. Joe’s dressed casually, nursing a tumbler of club soda. Louis and the Man are eyeing each other, alternating interest and indifference .
    JOE : The pills were something she started when she miscarried or . . . no, she took some before that. She had a really bad time at home, when she was a kid, her home was really bad. I think a lot of drinking and physical stuff. She doesn’t talk about that, instead she talks about . . . the sky falling down, people with knives hiding under sofas. Monsters. Mormons. Everyone thinks Mormons don’t come from homes like that, we aren’t supposed to behave that way, but we do. It’s not lying, or being two-faced. Everyone tries very hard to live up to God’s strictures, which are very . . . um . . .
    ROY : Strict.
    JOE : I shouldn’t be bothering you with this.
    ROY : No, please. Heart to heart. Want another . . . What is that, seltzer?
    JOE : The failure to measure up hits people very hard. From such a strong desire to be good they feel very far from goodness when they fail.
    Â Â Â Â Â  What scares me is that maybe what I really love in her is the part of her that’s farthest from the light, from God’s love; maybe I was drawn to that in the first place. And I’m keeping it alive because I need it.
    ROY : Why would you need it?
    JOE : There are things . . . I don’t know how well we know ourselves. I mean, what if? I know I married her because she . . . because I loved it that she was always wrong, always doing something wrong, like one step out of step. In Salt Lake City that stands out. I never stood out, on the outside, but inside, it was hard for me. To pass.
    ROY : Pass?
    JOE : Yeah.
    ROY : Pass as what?
    JOE : Oh. Well . . . As someone cheerful and strong. Those who love God with an open heart unclouded by secrets and struggles are cheerful; God’s easy simple love for them shows in how strong and happy they are. The saints.
    ROY : But you had secrets? Secret struggles . . .
    JOE : I wanted to be one of the elect, one of the Blessed. You feel you ought to be, that the blemishes are yours by choice, which of course they aren’t. Harper’s sorrow, that really deep sorrow, she didn’t choose that. But it’s there.
    ROY : You didn’t put it there.
    JOE : No.
    ROY : You sound like you think you did.
    JOE : I am responsible for her.
    ROY : Because she’s your wife.
    JOE : That. And I do love her.
    ROY : Whatever. She’s your wife. And so there are obligations. To her. But also to yourself.
    JOE : She’d fall apart in Washington.
    ROY : Then let her stay here.
    JOE : She’ll fall apart if I leave her.
    ROY : Then bring her to