Dear Nobody by Gillian McCain Page A

when I started yelling. When I called back his mom answered and told me that Ryan wasn’t there—even though she’s as bad a liar as her son—I was still really polite.
    Man, I done fucked up. Haven’t heard from Ryan since. Fucker. Oh well.
    I STILL like him though.



Dear Hayley,
    Hi Hayley! How's it going? So much fucked-up shit has been happening to me—I don't even know if it's all good or all bad. I don't know if I should be happy or freak the fuck out! Well, I've been getting fucked-up, “for free,” everyday lately and I've been making acquaintances and I fall in love with a new person every day. But there's this one guy, Ryan, that I just can't seem to shake. He's so placid and tranquil—a thinker—like you, Hayley. One thing I'm not—is placid, and I've NEVER been described as tranquil. Passionate, and uh, ambitious—okay, I guess; whereas you two may be more analytical, where I would be more curious. Understand? Well I'm telling you this because you would get it more than anyone else. So for the past few weeks, we've been talking, and throwing “glances” at each other. It took him a while, but I got some of his ice to break, and his natural warmth melted most of mine. I was still usually quieter around him, but when he came around, everyone else vanished and HE became my audience. And what do I do for an audience?
    Perform!
    Well, one day my mom's boyfriend got drunk, and came down to where we usually hang out. He bought us a case of beer. We were all drinking—I had eight beers in about forty-five minutes (maybe an hour). I wasn't drunk, just buzzing a little.
    My mom's boyfriend was the most fucked-up. He looked at my crush and asked Ryan if he had a job, and when “my” guy said, “No” mom's boyfriend said, “Well, Mary Rose really likes you, so you bet you have a job now!”
    Let me say that when I drink, I like to BE the party—I make jokes and inspire the drunken debates of conversation more than anyone else in the room. Well, I was in rare form compared to what my crush was used to seeing of me. He laughed at all of my jokes, and I caught him looking at me, but maybe that was in shock, since I was being so contrary to my “usual” self. Ha—I was getting pretty drunk as the night progressed. I borrowed somebody's shirt, and I threw up all over it. Ryan was watching. I didn't want to gross him out, but I had to sit down. Somebody goes, “SHE'S PUKING ALL OVER YOUR SHIRT!”
    I go, “I'm not puking on it, I'm CUSTOMIZING it!”
    Everyone laughed and so did he.
    Well, a while later I started getting bitchy and bossy, but had a sense of humor about it. I don't think he expected me to be the type to get rowdy. But I was. VERY rowdy. We had fun, but I don't think he expected it.
    Long story short, I caught him in a lie, but I acted like I didn't notice. That disappointed me—nothing hurts like being lied to. But I surprised him a few times that night with my deceptiveness—but I didn't lie . So I figure we're even, and I crush on him even more, now that I'm comfortable with him. Well, it turns out the next day (after the night of surprises) Ryan stands me up.
    I was devastated .
    So I did the only reasonable thing I could think of—I got even drunker than the night before, and called Ryan and cursed him out until he hung up on me (another thing he probably thought me not capable of). He thought I was “above” that I guess. You know; like I was ultra-passive or something. NOT when I'm drunk. So when he hung up, I called right back and his mom answered and said he wasn't there. She probably guessed I was fucked-up. Ryan was probably pissed.
    Yep, looks like I blew that one.
    So I go get this cute guy that I'm attracted to, but wouldn't “date,” and we were making out in my basement. When my mom got home, I guess she was locked out of the house, and I was too busy to hear