her brain?
“There were a lot of things about our marriage, about Mark, that I could never have foreseen. If I’d known what was ahead of us...I...I may not have married him.”
Jake looked at her sharply. “After all he did for you?”
An awareness of how much she’d said, without giving away details, made Nicolette put up her guard. There were some things she didn’t want to discuss and she was afraid Jake’s easy manner would coax those things from her. The worst of it all was that she did want, need, to talk about it. She’d kept things to herself far too long.
“Don’t get me wrong, Jake. I loved Mark with all my heart. I would have done anything for him.” She felt the hint of tears at the back of her eyes. She lived for the moment when she could recall her marriage and Mark with dry eyes and a lot less uncontrolled sentiment and without that telltale tremulous tone.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Yes, but not with you.
His hand touched her elbow and they continued to walk along the edge of the river.
“Not particularly, except to say I don’t think either of us was really prepared for marriage. Mark gave up so much by quitting his job. I should never have let him do that. It wasn’t the right thing for him...for his personality.”
Once again, Jake paused and turned to face her. His hand rested lightly on her shoulder. At his touch, her heart shivered in anticipation. Of what, she couldn’t have said. It was just one of those sensations that left her feeling on the crest, ready for a new turn in her life.
“It was his own choice, Nic. From what you’ve said, there probably wasn’t anything you could have done about it anyway. You know now stubborn Mark could be. Once he’d made up his mind about something, that was usually it.”
The soft reassuring tones of his voice pampered her. “You knew him well.”
He smiled, a wistful expression on his face, as if remembering something he and Mark shared. His arm dropped to his side and she missed the warm gentle pressure of his touch.
“I couldn’t have not known what he was like, since we spent so much time together in stressful situations. Those kinds of circumstances tend to show what makes a person tick.”
“He’d changed, Jake. Somewhere in those months after he quit working with you, he changed. And that’s the part that’s hardest to deal with.”
She saw curiosity in the depths of his dark eyes, felt moisture threatening in her own. If she said any more, she’d lose her fragile control of those tears and tell him more than she was comfortable with.
Nic still wasn’t sure if she’d been the sole cause of the unhappiness leading to Mark’s depression. They’d had their difficulties adjusting to married life. Had she expected too much of him? Not given enough of herself? Lord knows she’d questioned herself over and over about where she might have gone wrong until she thought she’d lose her sanity. Eventually she resigned herself to the fact that she’d never really know, that speculation resolved nothing, simply made her feel worse.
“Are you hungry?”
Jake blinked at her sudden change of subject. He studied her a moment longer and she couldn’t tell what he was thinking. As long as he didn’t ask questions she wasn’t prepared to answer.
“Come on, let’s go check out this historical inn.”
He smiled at her, that smile she found hard to resist.
“Yes please. I’m hungrier than I thought.”
Relief washed through her as Jake escorted her back to the car. A few moments and he pulled up across the road from the pub, climbed from the car and walked around to open her door.
She liked that about him. The gentleman beneath the wild adventurer. In spite of what she’d told Jake earlier about Mark being a gentleman, he’d always left her to fend for herself. That in turn had caused her to wonder if Mark really respected her. His subsequent change of behavior had led her to wonder a lot of things...things
“There were a lot of things about our marriage, about Mark, that I could never have foreseen. If I’d known what was ahead of us...I...I may not have married him.”
Jake looked at her sharply. “After all he did for you?”
An awareness of how much she’d said, without giving away details, made Nicolette put up her guard. There were some things she didn’t want to discuss and she was afraid Jake’s easy manner would coax those things from her. The worst of it all was that she did want, need, to talk about it. She’d kept things to herself far too long.
“Don’t get me wrong, Jake. I loved Mark with all my heart. I would have done anything for him.” She felt the hint of tears at the back of her eyes. She lived for the moment when she could recall her marriage and Mark with dry eyes and a lot less uncontrolled sentiment and without that telltale tremulous tone.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Yes, but not with you.
His hand touched her elbow and they continued to walk along the edge of the river.
“Not particularly, except to say I don’t think either of us was really prepared for marriage. Mark gave up so much by quitting his job. I should never have let him do that. It wasn’t the right thing for him...for his personality.”
Once again, Jake paused and turned to face her. His hand rested lightly on her shoulder. At his touch, her heart shivered in anticipation. Of what, she couldn’t have said. It was just one of those sensations that left her feeling on the crest, ready for a new turn in her life.
“It was his own choice, Nic. From what you’ve said, there probably wasn’t anything you could have done about it anyway. You know now stubborn Mark could be. Once he’d made up his mind about something, that was usually it.”
The soft reassuring tones of his voice pampered her. “You knew him well.”
He smiled, a wistful expression on his face, as if remembering something he and Mark shared. His arm dropped to his side and she missed the warm gentle pressure of his touch.
“I couldn’t have not known what he was like, since we spent so much time together in stressful situations. Those kinds of circumstances tend to show what makes a person tick.”
“He’d changed, Jake. Somewhere in those months after he quit working with you, he changed. And that’s the part that’s hardest to deal with.”
She saw curiosity in the depths of his dark eyes, felt moisture threatening in her own. If she said any more, she’d lose her fragile control of those tears and tell him more than she was comfortable with.
Nic still wasn’t sure if she’d been the sole cause of the unhappiness leading to Mark’s depression. They’d had their difficulties adjusting to married life. Had she expected too much of him? Not given enough of herself? Lord knows she’d questioned herself over and over about where she might have gone wrong until she thought she’d lose her sanity. Eventually she resigned herself to the fact that she’d never really know, that speculation resolved nothing, simply made her feel worse.
“Are you hungry?”
Jake blinked at her sudden change of subject. He studied her a moment longer and she couldn’t tell what he was thinking. As long as he didn’t ask questions she wasn’t prepared to answer.
“Come on, let’s go check out this historical inn.”
He smiled at her, that smile she found hard to resist.
“Yes please. I’m hungrier than I thought.”
Relief washed through her as Jake escorted her back to the car. A few moments and he pulled up across the road from the pub, climbed from the car and walked around to open her door.
She liked that about him. The gentleman beneath the wild adventurer. In spite of what she’d told Jake earlier about Mark being a gentleman, he’d always left her to fend for herself. That in turn had caused her to wonder if Mark really respected her. His subsequent change of behavior had led her to wonder a lot of things...things