December Heat by Joanie MacNeil

together. Guilt, frustration, caring, resentment had riddled her emotions until they were so scrambled there were times she thought she might never be in charge of them again.
    “Maybe you’re right, to a certain extent. I’ve grown up a lot since you and I first met.”
    “I won’t argue with that...not yet anyway.” He flashed her a quick tentative grin but she ignored his remark.
    Time for some soul searching...again. Heaven knows she’d done enough of it over recent months.
    “I...I thought Mark was a pretty good catch and was thrilled that someone like him would be interested in a homebody like me.”
    He’d done wonders for her battered self-image. She’d reveled in the thought that her life would have some stability and security and she’d have a home of her own—something she’d longed for since her teenage years. Her father had moved around with his work, and on a previous overseas posting, she’d remained in boarding school in Australia—a hurt, shy teenager, unsure of her parents’ motives for not taking her with them. Though they said her schooling had to take priority, she had the distinct impression they thought she’d get in the way. Of what, she wasn’t sure. The feeling of abandonment had stayed with her until her marriage. Now that Mark was gone, that familiar feeling toyed with her emotions when she was at her lowest.
    Fear gripped her heart each time she thought that maybe she’d been the cause of Mark’s depression, even though she’d done all in her power to make him a good wife, make him happy.
    “I thought I knew everything when I married Mark.” When he’d offered to settle down, she’d been thrilled that someone cared enough about her to consider her feelings.
    “I expected we’d live happily ever after and life’s little problems would pass us by. Naïve of me, I know.” She felt the tremor in her voice and wondered if Jake noticed it as well. How much should she tell him?
    “Go on.”
    “Mark swept me off my feet. I’d never met anyone quite like him. And when he wanted to give up his wandering lifestyle for me, I was over the moon. I didn’t expect him to do that, though never questioned his reasoning or whether that was the right thing for him to do. I knew I could never settle for a part-time relationship. I suppose I didn’t know Mark as well as I thought, or should have. Silly as it sounds, I...I felt honored that he’d want to do that for me.”
    “Quit his career, you mean?”
    “Yes. I can see all too clearly now that it was a foolish romantic notion. Life just isn’t like that.” She took a breath. Had she been rambling? “Why am I telling you all this? Why should I tell you anyway?”
    “Because I asked. And I need to know...about Mark...and you.”
    What would he say if she told him there were times she wanted to kiss Mark better—a magic kiss that would immediately heal him, and other times when she wanted to leave him for making their lives so miserable?
    Jake slowed the car to a crawl after checking to make sure no one was behind him. “That’s where we’re having lunch, right?” He inclined his head slightly toward the old two-storey pub.
    “Yes.”
    He accelerated and drove a little further down toward the river. “We’ve got a few minutes to spare. Do you mind if we take a look around before we eat?”
    “No, of course not. Go for it.”
    He parked the car, climbed out and walked around to open the door for her.
    “Thank you,” she said, stepping out into the warm sunshine.
    “It’s a long time since I’ve been to a place like this.” Jake surveyed the surroundings as if trying to remember the last time. “It’s so peaceful compared to where I’ve been living for the past couple of years. I still find it hard to believe there are places like this left in the world. A peace you can breathe in every moment of every day.”
    Nicolette looked around at all she’d taken for granted and found it hard to imagine a life without