don’t think I’m the problem.”
He holds me to him when I try to push away. “I’m sleepy.”
“Let me hold you for a little while, December. Please.”
My tense body goes lax as one of his warm palms rubs the stiffness from my back. Wanting to comfort myself, I move my cheek back and forth over the worn cotton material of his shirt. “You can’t come back and do this to me, Danny. It’s not fair.”
“Do what?”
“Sweep me off my feet. You can’t come back and be my hero. And you definitely can’t come back and act like you know everything that’s going on inside my head. You don’t know me as well as you think you do. That’s not how life works. I’m not the same December.”
“December,” he says softly, kissing the top of my head. He gives me squeeze. “Whether you realize this or not, you’ll always be my December. You don’t think I know you have holes in your heart the size of moon craters? All I want to do is fill you up with so much life that you’ll never feel them again. But you fight me every step of the way. You make loving you so fucking hard. I’m going to say this, so maybe it’ll soak in. Listen closely, December. There’s something you should know. I don’t care how difficult you make it. I’m not going to give up. Ever.”
Gripping his shirt, I bury my wet face into his chest. I’m thankful that it’s mostly dark. Otherwise my pride couldn’t take him knowing that he got to me and made me cry. We don’t say anything. Shutting my eyes, I let Danny hold me. The steady heartbeat thumping against my cheek lulls me into sleep.
He carries me to bed sometime later, gently tossing the sheets over me. I’m groggy but I manage to open my eyes a little. Danny sits on the side of the bed with his back to me. He’s bathed in the pale silver light of the moon and though I can’t see his face, he has never looked more tortured. He opens his nightstand drawer and pulls two pill bottles, opening them and empting some in his palm. He throws them in his mouth and swallows them dry.
“What are you taking?”
He stiffens, but his surprise at me catching him doesn’t last long. “Go back to sleep, December.”
“What are those pills for, Danny?”
“Anxiety. It’s hard for me to sleep at night.”
“Why?”
“I have a lot of shit in my head and I get restless at night.”
Wanting to know more, I press him, hoping he’ll open up a little on this subject. “What kind of shit do you have in your head?”
“I can’t. Not now, December.”
Deciding not to push him any further tonight, I ask a different kind of question. “Are you allowed to take those while you’ve been drinking?”
“I had a beer.”
“Alcohol is alcohol, Danny.”
He looks at me over his shoulder, smiling widely.
“Why are you smiling?”
“You care about me.”
“Well, yeah,” I say, my tone being obvious. “I don’t want you to die from mixing prescriptions with alcohol. People get lazy and slip. They drink during the day and forget all about not mixing the medications when it’s time to take them. They die from that, Danny.”
“I won’t do it again.”
“Promise me, Danny.”
His expression turns serious. “I promise.”
Visually sighing, I lean back into the pillows. It doesn’t take Danny long to slide in next to me. He works his arms underneath mine, pulling me in close to his chest to cuddle me. I stare at his throat, frowning.
“You worry me, you stupid man.”
“No need. I’m okay.”
“I’m not buying it,” I whisper, pressing my face into his chest and breathing in his incredible spicy musk scent. The need to let him know what’s been weighing me down like a pile of bricks on my back since he left becomes overwhelming. I begin to blurt out the things I’ve never told him but always wanted to. “I don’t know what I would do if I lost you, Danny. You mean a lot to me. Just because you come back from fighting for our freedom out there doesn’t mean
He holds me to him when I try to push away. “I’m sleepy.”
“Let me hold you for a little while, December. Please.”
My tense body goes lax as one of his warm palms rubs the stiffness from my back. Wanting to comfort myself, I move my cheek back and forth over the worn cotton material of his shirt. “You can’t come back and do this to me, Danny. It’s not fair.”
“Do what?”
“Sweep me off my feet. You can’t come back and be my hero. And you definitely can’t come back and act like you know everything that’s going on inside my head. You don’t know me as well as you think you do. That’s not how life works. I’m not the same December.”
“December,” he says softly, kissing the top of my head. He gives me squeeze. “Whether you realize this or not, you’ll always be my December. You don’t think I know you have holes in your heart the size of moon craters? All I want to do is fill you up with so much life that you’ll never feel them again. But you fight me every step of the way. You make loving you so fucking hard. I’m going to say this, so maybe it’ll soak in. Listen closely, December. There’s something you should know. I don’t care how difficult you make it. I’m not going to give up. Ever.”
Gripping his shirt, I bury my wet face into his chest. I’m thankful that it’s mostly dark. Otherwise my pride couldn’t take him knowing that he got to me and made me cry. We don’t say anything. Shutting my eyes, I let Danny hold me. The steady heartbeat thumping against my cheek lulls me into sleep.
He carries me to bed sometime later, gently tossing the sheets over me. I’m groggy but I manage to open my eyes a little. Danny sits on the side of the bed with his back to me. He’s bathed in the pale silver light of the moon and though I can’t see his face, he has never looked more tortured. He opens his nightstand drawer and pulls two pill bottles, opening them and empting some in his palm. He throws them in his mouth and swallows them dry.
“What are you taking?”
He stiffens, but his surprise at me catching him doesn’t last long. “Go back to sleep, December.”
“What are those pills for, Danny?”
“Anxiety. It’s hard for me to sleep at night.”
“Why?”
“I have a lot of shit in my head and I get restless at night.”
Wanting to know more, I press him, hoping he’ll open up a little on this subject. “What kind of shit do you have in your head?”
“I can’t. Not now, December.”
Deciding not to push him any further tonight, I ask a different kind of question. “Are you allowed to take those while you’ve been drinking?”
“I had a beer.”
“Alcohol is alcohol, Danny.”
He looks at me over his shoulder, smiling widely.
“Why are you smiling?”
“You care about me.”
“Well, yeah,” I say, my tone being obvious. “I don’t want you to die from mixing prescriptions with alcohol. People get lazy and slip. They drink during the day and forget all about not mixing the medications when it’s time to take them. They die from that, Danny.”
“I won’t do it again.”
“Promise me, Danny.”
His expression turns serious. “I promise.”
Visually sighing, I lean back into the pillows. It doesn’t take Danny long to slide in next to me. He works his arms underneath mine, pulling me in close to his chest to cuddle me. I stare at his throat, frowning.
“You worry me, you stupid man.”
“No need. I’m okay.”
“I’m not buying it,” I whisper, pressing my face into his chest and breathing in his incredible spicy musk scent. The need to let him know what’s been weighing me down like a pile of bricks on my back since he left becomes overwhelming. I begin to blurt out the things I’ve never told him but always wanted to. “I don’t know what I would do if I lost you, Danny. You mean a lot to me. Just because you come back from fighting for our freedom out there doesn’t mean
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