see you at the prom.
Me: Are we still going together?
David: Silly question.
Me: Ha, ha. Oh, OK.
David: Since you don’t want to talk seriously, I will just say simple things to you as if I was talking to Tiffany or Bridgetta. Is that what you want?
Me: I dunno. I just want us to be true and good friends. I want us to talk like we used to, but I don’t want to do things like hugging.
David: Fine, that is clear. OK.
Me: OK, fine. I guess that’s all I called for. GA or SK
David: OK, see you. Bye. SK
Chapter 19
February 1985
I crumpled the sheet of paper and threw it in the wastebasket. It was my fourth or fifth attempt at writing. I reached for another sheet and paused, trying to think of a different approach to begin my letter.
A few days earlier, David and I had gone out for a drive around the town. When he brought me back to the campus, he was frustrated because I had resisted his kiss. I no longer allowed him to do whatever he pleased. It had been a year and three months since our break up, and I had finally gotten stronger.
“So, you have a new boyfriend?” David asked.
“Oh, right,” I said sarcastically. “I have a boyfriend. You are jealous, huh?”
“So what if I’m jealous?”
“You’re so dumb. Who would I go out with?” I challenged him. He knew I wasn’t interested in anyone, except him.
“I bet you thought of what it would be like to kiss him, ” he said, shocking me.
“That’s disgusting.” I looked at him in disbelief; how could he think of such a thing?
“I bet it’s true. If not, why wouldn’t you let me kiss you?”
“You’re so s-i-c-k! You know, you’ve changed so much. It’s as if I don’t know you anymore,” I said and opened the passenger door to get out.
“Oh, come on. You know I really didn’t mean that. Come back,” he coaxed me.
“Forget it. I’m leaving.” I shut the door and walked away. My feelings for David had changed slowly over time. I was actually scared of what I was feeling. I had written a poem earlier:
Slowly, my feelings had changed.
From days into weeks into months.
I had wanted this to happen
And it did!
But it scares me.
Is my mind working right?
I used to pretend that I don’t love him anymore.
Right now, I think it’s true.
Yes, I love him.
But I don’t feel the way I used to.
Does that mean I don’t love him anymore?
Scary thought.
I never thought it would happen.
What if I really still love him?
He’s getting crazy over me again,
And I’m not so thrilled about this.
Yes, it’s terrific,
But I am taking things easy.
Is it because
I know he would leave me again?
Or is it because my feelings are no longer there?
I tried to concentrate as I began writing on a new sheet of paper. My thoughts drifted to my conversation with David. What he said the other night caught me off guard. At that moment I sincerely thought what he said was gross, but as the days passed, I took a hard look at myself and had to admit that what he said was true. I had thought about what it would be like to kiss… him.
I felt guilty. How could I have such thoughts? He was a teacher. Not to mention that he was also married. I knew what I had to do – tell him the truth. I was not sure I could go on pretending my thoughts did not exist and suffering with the guilt. How would he react? I just hoped that he would forgive me, and that it wouldn’t jeopardize our friendship. A risky confession.
At last, I was satisfied with the letter I wrote. I folded it several times before placing it securely inside the pocket of my jeans. Now, I had to figure out the right time to pass on the note.
Chapter 20
August 1989
I stood in front of the full-length mirror, and the soon-to-be bride stared back at me. In a few minutes, a new chapter in my life would begin. Only two years ago I thought I would be doomed to a life of being single. If only I had waited…
My thoughts were interrupted when someone gently touched my shoulder. I saw Dad’s
Me: Are we still going together?
David: Silly question.
Me: Ha, ha. Oh, OK.
David: Since you don’t want to talk seriously, I will just say simple things to you as if I was talking to Tiffany or Bridgetta. Is that what you want?
Me: I dunno. I just want us to be true and good friends. I want us to talk like we used to, but I don’t want to do things like hugging.
David: Fine, that is clear. OK.
Me: OK, fine. I guess that’s all I called for. GA or SK
David: OK, see you. Bye. SK
Chapter 19
February 1985
I crumpled the sheet of paper and threw it in the wastebasket. It was my fourth or fifth attempt at writing. I reached for another sheet and paused, trying to think of a different approach to begin my letter.
A few days earlier, David and I had gone out for a drive around the town. When he brought me back to the campus, he was frustrated because I had resisted his kiss. I no longer allowed him to do whatever he pleased. It had been a year and three months since our break up, and I had finally gotten stronger.
“So, you have a new boyfriend?” David asked.
“Oh, right,” I said sarcastically. “I have a boyfriend. You are jealous, huh?”
“So what if I’m jealous?”
“You’re so dumb. Who would I go out with?” I challenged him. He knew I wasn’t interested in anyone, except him.
“I bet you thought of what it would be like to kiss him, ” he said, shocking me.
“That’s disgusting.” I looked at him in disbelief; how could he think of such a thing?
“I bet it’s true. If not, why wouldn’t you let me kiss you?”
“You’re so s-i-c-k! You know, you’ve changed so much. It’s as if I don’t know you anymore,” I said and opened the passenger door to get out.
“Oh, come on. You know I really didn’t mean that. Come back,” he coaxed me.
“Forget it. I’m leaving.” I shut the door and walked away. My feelings for David had changed slowly over time. I was actually scared of what I was feeling. I had written a poem earlier:
Slowly, my feelings had changed.
From days into weeks into months.
I had wanted this to happen
And it did!
But it scares me.
Is my mind working right?
I used to pretend that I don’t love him anymore.
Right now, I think it’s true.
Yes, I love him.
But I don’t feel the way I used to.
Does that mean I don’t love him anymore?
Scary thought.
I never thought it would happen.
What if I really still love him?
He’s getting crazy over me again,
And I’m not so thrilled about this.
Yes, it’s terrific,
But I am taking things easy.
Is it because
I know he would leave me again?
Or is it because my feelings are no longer there?
I tried to concentrate as I began writing on a new sheet of paper. My thoughts drifted to my conversation with David. What he said the other night caught me off guard. At that moment I sincerely thought what he said was gross, but as the days passed, I took a hard look at myself and had to admit that what he said was true. I had thought about what it would be like to kiss… him.
I felt guilty. How could I have such thoughts? He was a teacher. Not to mention that he was also married. I knew what I had to do – tell him the truth. I was not sure I could go on pretending my thoughts did not exist and suffering with the guilt. How would he react? I just hoped that he would forgive me, and that it wouldn’t jeopardize our friendship. A risky confession.
At last, I was satisfied with the letter I wrote. I folded it several times before placing it securely inside the pocket of my jeans. Now, I had to figure out the right time to pass on the note.
Chapter 20
August 1989
I stood in front of the full-length mirror, and the soon-to-be bride stared back at me. In a few minutes, a new chapter in my life would begin. Only two years ago I thought I would be doomed to a life of being single. If only I had waited…
My thoughts were interrupted when someone gently touched my shoulder. I saw Dad’s
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