The composed assault broke under his and Karra’s counterattack, bits and body parts oozing out across the dark soil. Rahim held his own, bashing the aliens aside with an appropriated mace while Veronica protected his flank. Rala looked out of place behind them, clutching to the book and zombie head for dear life. Chatterbox didn’t seem to care. He still stared at the menagerie of boobs scattered across the field, clearly not giving a damn if they were upright and bouncy or prone and limp.
Is it necrophilia if two zombies get it on? Ooh, what if one is a vampire?
I didn’t really expect my brain to have an answer. I was just philosophizing the inherent immorality of undead romance. My brain wanders to weird places when I’m killing stuff, but I really needed to learn to pay attention. I nearly had my eye shishka bobbed while I was contemplating the mating rituals of corpses and the market for fleshy replacements for blow up sex dolls.
Mia snarled as I darted back, her blade just grazing my eyebrow. “Stand still, meat.”
“Fuck that noise.” I spun and jabbed at her with my spear, but she was good. She knocked it aside with her dagger and cut a shallow line down my biceps while I dodged away again.
She closed, not giving me a chance to get settled. A one-two thrust with her blades caught me slipping. The dagger point sunk into my chest about an inch while the longer blade bit into my hip, clanking against the bone.
I grunted and yanked it free. Black blood squirmed from the holes, and my hip stung something fierce, but neither were killing blows. The quick glance I’d take to confirm that, though, was just enough opportunity for her to try again. She came in low, trying to be slick, but she might well have been holding up a sign advertising what she intended. I held my ground and feinted with my spear, driving my fist into her face.
There was the loud clunk of knuckles on flesh, and she stumbled back, her hand instinctively going to her cheek. Chivalry be damned, I drove my foot into her crotch and pulled back my spear to stab her in the guts. Karra and Veronica got to her first.
Like two sledgehammers popping a zit, the dynamic duo punched Mia at the same time, from opposite sides. The alien’s lips puffed out in a serious duck-faced camera pout, and she slumped to the ground without a sound. Her head bounced a couple times before it settled, white eyes starting at the canopy without seeing a thing.
“I could have handled her,” I told the pair, who shared a conspiratorial glance and pretty much ignored me.
Katon and Rahim came over and joined us, the last of the attackers still on their feet and darting off into the forest, leaving us alone with their fallen brethren and a stash of hardly used weapons and crotch covers.
“What now?” I asked as I rolled one of the unconscious alien women over and disentangled the leather straps that held her loincloth on.
“What the hell, Frank?” Katon asked, pointing at Chatterbox. “You’re as bad as that guy.”
“For your information, I’m just getting something to cover my twig and berries.”
“Why not take one of the men’s then?”
“Ewww, that’s just nasty, man. I don’t want their barbarian funk all up on my bits.” Besides, I really wanted to do a quick biological examination of a different species. All in the name of science, of course.
Karra smacked me on the back of the head while I slipped the loincloth loose. “There will be no spelunking on my watch.” She knew me too well.
I sighed and got to work situating the loincloth so it hid my vampire junk. As I did that, Veronica and Katon lifted Mia to a seated position and were working diligently to tie her hands behind her back with the strips of cloth they’d pulled from her hair.
“All I did was try and sneak a peek, and I got thumped,” I said to Karra. “These two are practicing their bondage skills and no one says a word?”
“We’re restraining her, Frank,” Katon
Is it necrophilia if two zombies get it on? Ooh, what if one is a vampire?
I didn’t really expect my brain to have an answer. I was just philosophizing the inherent immorality of undead romance. My brain wanders to weird places when I’m killing stuff, but I really needed to learn to pay attention. I nearly had my eye shishka bobbed while I was contemplating the mating rituals of corpses and the market for fleshy replacements for blow up sex dolls.
Mia snarled as I darted back, her blade just grazing my eyebrow. “Stand still, meat.”
“Fuck that noise.” I spun and jabbed at her with my spear, but she was good. She knocked it aside with her dagger and cut a shallow line down my biceps while I dodged away again.
She closed, not giving me a chance to get settled. A one-two thrust with her blades caught me slipping. The dagger point sunk into my chest about an inch while the longer blade bit into my hip, clanking against the bone.
I grunted and yanked it free. Black blood squirmed from the holes, and my hip stung something fierce, but neither were killing blows. The quick glance I’d take to confirm that, though, was just enough opportunity for her to try again. She came in low, trying to be slick, but she might well have been holding up a sign advertising what she intended. I held my ground and feinted with my spear, driving my fist into her face.
There was the loud clunk of knuckles on flesh, and she stumbled back, her hand instinctively going to her cheek. Chivalry be damned, I drove my foot into her crotch and pulled back my spear to stab her in the guts. Karra and Veronica got to her first.
Like two sledgehammers popping a zit, the dynamic duo punched Mia at the same time, from opposite sides. The alien’s lips puffed out in a serious duck-faced camera pout, and she slumped to the ground without a sound. Her head bounced a couple times before it settled, white eyes starting at the canopy without seeing a thing.
“I could have handled her,” I told the pair, who shared a conspiratorial glance and pretty much ignored me.
Katon and Rahim came over and joined us, the last of the attackers still on their feet and darting off into the forest, leaving us alone with their fallen brethren and a stash of hardly used weapons and crotch covers.
“What now?” I asked as I rolled one of the unconscious alien women over and disentangled the leather straps that held her loincloth on.
“What the hell, Frank?” Katon asked, pointing at Chatterbox. “You’re as bad as that guy.”
“For your information, I’m just getting something to cover my twig and berries.”
“Why not take one of the men’s then?”
“Ewww, that’s just nasty, man. I don’t want their barbarian funk all up on my bits.” Besides, I really wanted to do a quick biological examination of a different species. All in the name of science, of course.
Karra smacked me on the back of the head while I slipped the loincloth loose. “There will be no spelunking on my watch.” She knew me too well.
I sighed and got to work situating the loincloth so it hid my vampire junk. As I did that, Veronica and Katon lifted Mia to a seated position and were working diligently to tie her hands behind her back with the strips of cloth they’d pulled from her hair.
“All I did was try and sneak a peek, and I got thumped,” I said to Karra. “These two are practicing their bondage skills and no one says a word?”
“We’re restraining her, Frank,” Katon
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